al: Hey, just a heads up.

The episode you're about to
listen to is about Brock ULA

directed by Luca Berko Vici.

And written by Luca Bercovitch.

T Jeffrey Levy and Christopher, while
some relevant trigger warnings for this

movie include vampires and gaslighting.

And our host ranked this movie as Brocken.

If you'd like to learn more
about the movie, discuss this

evening, please visit our website.

Progressively horrified.transistor.fm
for show notes.

After the spooky music, we'll
talk about the movie in full.

So before Warren, there will be spoilers.

Jeremy: Good evening and welcome to
Progressively Horrified the podcast

for horror to progressive standards.

Never agreed to.

It's December, and we're diving into
a very special figure in horror,

the Lord of Va empires himself.

Dracula.

Tonight though, we're talking about the
most 1990 horror comedy ever created.

Rockula am your host Jeremy Whitley.

And with me tonight, I have
a panel of chil Encino bites.

First, they're here to challenge
the sexy werewolf, sexy Vapi binary.

My co-host Ben Conn.

Ben, how are you tonight?

Ben: What a truly terrible
movie that I deeply enjoyed.

Jeremy: Oh, absolutely.

And uh, The Cinnamon Roll of
Cys, our co-host, Emily Martin.

How are you tonight, Emily?

Emily: This is why I do this show.

This is it.

This opening of my heart.

To these things that I would
not otherwise see or find.

I agree with Ben.

It was terrible and thoroughly enjoyable.

Thank you.

Jeremy: And the person who
brought this to us tonight.

Our friend, and senior
editor at Mad Cave Studios.

Lauren Hits house.

And Lauren, how are you doing tonight?

Lauren: Doing good.

Thank you guys for having me.

I love Rockula.

It's, not even an annual
tradition to watch it.

It just makes me happy
knowing that it exists.

And getting to enjoy how over the top
every single part of this movie is.

Jeremy: I just really, I wanna talk about
Tony Vasil, who plays the mom in this.

She's 53 in this movie, and she is
making the romantic lead look milk toast.

Like, she's

Ben: amazing.

She's 53 in this movie, 53.

She was

Emily: doing, she doing choreography
for Mick Jagger and Bet Midler.

Ben: Is she an entire catering staff?

Because she is serving this entire movie.

Emily: She is.

She is multi-talented.

And

Jeremy: for people who don't know,
Tony Basil is also responsible

for the song, Hey Mickey.

Which is, is a cover of a
much worse version, that song.

But if you've ever seen the video to
this, she is in a cheerleading costume,

leading a group of cheerleaders while
singing this, This thing was filmed

in 1982, which means she is right
around 40 when this thing is made.

And she is wearing her cheerleading
costume from when she was in high

school as, as the head cheerleader
at her school in Las Vegas, and like

dancing around and singing this song.

And, you know, with this team of
cheerleaders and like, she is great

in that she is astonishing in this.

Ben: What we're trying to say.

A fucking icon.

Yes.

Literally.

Absolutely.

My very first note after complimenting
the legitimately wonderful

animated intro, and judge me if
you will, I welcome your judgment.

I just have my notes.

Ohma Mel.

Yeah, that's

Jeremy: my riff.

I feel like what Tony Basil is doing on
this is what every drag queen I've ever

seen is trying to do in, like, in history.

Like they're, they're trying to live up to
what she is doing in this movie, and it's

Emily: unfair

Ben: to which I want to be.

Tony Basil in this
movie is off the charts.

Lauren: I'm obsessed with
every single costume she wears.

Yes.

They're all nuts like fashion
in this movie, these, these

bows and the cute little hats.

And then towards the end she's
got this flamingo hula skirt,

four inch heel solo dance number.

It's amazing.

And her bat titties,

Ben: yes, her character is a gun.

Toing caramel, having vampire mama.

This is the greatest

Emily: character of all time.

Yeah, this is, this is basically Lady
Deme Demares, but like regular size.

All they did in Resident Evil is just
make her big because they couldn't

get fucking Tony Basil to play her.

Ben: I legitimately wanted write a series
that is just her character doing shit and

just change the name cuz who the fuck,
here's enough, like, about Rockula that

could also afford a lawyer to stop me.

Emily: This movie is really crazy
and, I gotta Thank you Lauren so much.

Ben: Yeah.

Emily: Thank you for bringing this to us.

Ben: This

movie is a joy.

I will say the rap scene alone
is enough for me to go, How

does this movie deal with race?

Badly.

Yes.

Emily: It still is slightly less
racist than John Hughes though.

Yes.

Which is, but I mean,

Ben: rap scene aside, which,
hey, if I can make it through

the rap scene in secession.

This is of a kind, what a deeply enjoyable
addition to the vampire movie cannon.

Especially to the degree that being
about vampires barely matters.

Emily: This is some weird lost
ancestor of what we do in the shadows.

Like this movie is, If what we do
in the shadows and weird science

had a baby and, and just know

Ben: nothing else, that what we do in
the shadows, the best of my abilities

liberally stole from this movie.

Yes.

For its Naja and Laslow Plotline in
season one with the ever resurrecting

lover that's actually, that you think is
destiny, but is actually just a loved one

killing the person over and over again.

It is ridiculously specific way.

Love Cause am I saying what we do?

What we do in the shadows Absolutely.

Stole from Rockula.

Emily: Yes, absolutely.

It's like discovering the missing link.

Cuz I thought I knew
all about the vampire.

Originally on this show was introduced
as the certified Vampire Fisha.

I thought I knew everything
there is to know about vampires.

I was tired of vampires and
now I'm like, no, I was wrong.

I missed Rockula.

Lauren: I've always been a vampire kid.

Like, and I guess now I'm an adult
that enjoys vampire media, but I

had kind of the same reaction the
first time I saw this because it, it

falls into little tiny things that
you wouldn't think about otherwise.

Like there's a very brief moment
where you see Ralph picking.

Blood that's dropped on his front porch
by the Red Cross, like in little bottles.

This is like the milk
man except it's blood

Ben: by far one of the best fictional
universes to be a vampire in like the sun.

Like the sun doesn't bother you.

You can eat both regular human food
and like up to and including garlic.

You can just get blood delivered
to your door through GrubHub, isv,

Lauren: you can buy your Cape it.

Sears.

Yeah.

Ben: Like I love the extent like in the
song, this is the easiest University of

Vampire, like every vampires like the
cu of being a vampire, this universe.

It's fine, it's great, honestly.

No worries.

Nobody at any vampire is
stressing over being in immortal

Jeremy: of the extent which all
the vampire lore is handled.

By like somebody who's taking
screenwriting 1 0 1 that

they're like garlic, No, I
don't care about that sunlight.

Oh, he's got sunscreen.

Yeah.

Blood.

They didn't to him from the Red Cross.

All that's handled now.

Let's just tell the love story.

We don't have to deal with
any of the vampire shit.

I don't

Ben: want, Can he fly
the character himself?

Seems rather unclear if he can.

Lauren: Yeah.

It's been so long since he turned into

Ben: a bat.

There's see where he himself clearly
thinks he can fly and then doesn't,

and I feel like that's a thing either
you know, you can do or you could die.

So you had 300 years to
figure that shit out.

That's a yes or no question, Ralph.

Who, by the way, I love Ralph.

A great, just like ish love protagonist.

Jeremy: It's such a hapless
love protagonist name too.

Yeah.

Nobody has ever met a, Nobody has
ever named their vampire Ralph before.

I feel like.

They were like, What have you never heard?

What would you never think of?

Vampire's name would be Ralph.

Emily: Ralph Alfa.

Ben: Before, There's one moment, almost
right at the beginning of the movie

that really encapsulated my experience
where it was like some legitimately

clever comedy writing that made me
wildly confused about what the rules

of the world are, and also left me
delighted by Tony Basil's performance.

And it's right in the beginning when
she's introduced, when he asks mother,

like, How do you put your makeup on?

And she just naps in his face practice,
which for the record fucking facts,

that is the way you get good at makeup.

But also I'm like, Oh,
that is clever writing.

Just this diva of a vampire who
still insists on perfect makeup

even without a reflection.

But then 20 seconds we learned vampires
absolutely do have reflections.

And those reflections talk to you.

I,

Emily: what is this world?

Well, the, the thing about Ralph is
that he's bad at being a vampire.

So I think all of the vampire
rules for him are fucked up

because he's so bad at it.

Ben: I have many questions about Be Ralph.

Yeah.

Do

Jeremy: you wanna go ahead
and jump into the let,

Emily: let's, let's recap this.

Ok.

So we got Rockula.

It is directed by uh, we've got Rockula,
it's directed by Luca Bear Kaci, who

also directed GOs amongst other things.

The edit

Ben: that out.

Please keep, We have
Rockula stare into space.

We still have Rockula.

We sure have Rockula.

That was a beautiful moment.

Thank you.

I preserve that one.

Emily: The movie is written by Luca Beov
Vici and Jeffrey Levy, who is a director

of at least one episode of every 90 sci-fi
drama TV show, according to my research.

And Christopher Vile who directed
or no, who wrote, who is Cleats two?

I've never heard of the film, but
it has a bunch of people in it,

like, Christian Slater and stuff.

Anyway, was there a, Who is Cleats one?

Oh, this is two.

Like the French, ut I do

Lauren: like it.

I was thinking it was a sequel to.

Emily: Maybe.

I mean, there was a, I think there was a
Cletus mentioned in this film, so it might

have been just like a story about that.

Lauren: So it's one cohesive universe.

Yes.

The

Ben: CLE universe in Venom Two.

Let there be Carnage.

The only superhero film ever made.

.
Emily: Sure.

So, uh, Rockus Stars, Dean Cameron, Tony
Bazel, Thomas Doby, Tony Fare, Ellis,

Bo Didley, Susan Tyrell, and others.

Jeremy: How didn't we talk about
this movie for so long without

mentioning Thomas Doby or Bo Didley
are in this movie movie because Tony

Lauren: Baled, , it's just Tony.

She's, she's such a force.

Everyone does great.

But anytime Tony is on screen, you

Emily: forget everything else.

The world

Ben: stops

Emily: so let me, set the scene here.

Imagine the year 1990, the most, 1990.

You can imagine.

If you can't, like,

Jeremy: imagine the place where
the foot Klan hangs out in

the first Ninja Turtles movie.

Yeah.

Ben: That's a good reference, That's
a very good reference point for what

is the most 1990 place I can imagine.

There's kids

Jeremy: smoking, there's,
there's skateboarding on a ramp.

Emily: Mc Hammer do is dance.

Max headroom is selling Pepsi.

Crystal.

I cried Pepsi Crystal after watching this.

Ben: yeah, just somewhere in a bar.

Next generation is
playing with no sound on.

Yeah.

Like

Emily: no callers next generation.

Everybody's just got jumpsuits on Anyway.

So just look up what all the things we
said then you can imagine what we're

talking about and then dial that up to 11.

Or you can just watch these
Ogo Boy go ass opening credits.

But

,
Ben: I love these opening credits.

They're, they're wonderful.

The opening credits, like I
legitimately love this animation.

Yeah, no, the

Emily: animation's great.

but you know, you, it's a pretty
obvious that they would've loved

to have Danny El in this movie
way out of their price range.

Somewhere in hip nor urban,
Northeastern city usa.

Near the Foot Clan Hideout, we find
Ralph, the 400 year old, 30 something

teen vampire, played by Dean Cameron.

He is a loser and a virgin and still
lives with his mom, who was Tony,

the total mil and MVP of this film.

But Ralph is so uncool that his toxically
masculine confidence, quote unquote,

is forever trapped in his reflection,
which he has, but it's cursed.

He is cursed.

He is so lame that he can't seem to
hook up with the love of his un life

who has been endlessly reincarnated
every 22 years because she keeps

getting killed by a pirate with a
sparkly peg leg and a hand bone.

While out drinking with his friends.

Ralph talks to Chuck the bartender,
who's played by Susan Tyrell, Axman,

who is Bo Didley and another guy
who I can't remember who he is.

He explains to them his predicament.

He has found this reincarnated
girlfriend Mona played by Tony

Fare, but he hasn't met her yet.

She's the lead of a hot new band that
sings over monkey sounds and is possibly

this scene where she first sings
feels like Murphy scene in The Hunger.

I don't know if that's on purpose,
but she is in a cage and she's singing

and there are monkeys sounds so.

But not a single monkey.

This movie, No

Ben: monkey really thinks animal
sounds count as instruments.

Cuz at a certain point every song
will feature multiple werewolf rulers.

Emily: Do you know why that is?

Thomas Doby is why.

He sits on a keyboard with all of
the side effects on it, and then he

mixes it and it somehow sounds good.

I like Thomas dbe.

Oh, then this is the movie for you?

This is the movie for me.

So Ralph is egged on by his
awesome and adventurous bomb

and his equipping reflection.

He hatches a plan to impress MoMA.

He's gonna get a band together.

He teams up with Chuck Axman and the
other guy for an ongoing montage of

attempting different musical styles,
even though Bo Didley is right there.

And finally he decides on
Rockula, it's the title, Woo.

Jeremy: Novelty Act is what he settles on.

Also, Bo Didley is like playing a guy who
plays guitar good at a bar like he's not

specifically Bo Didly, but his character
doesn't have a name other than Axman.

He's just guy who it's just there.

Ben: Skilled.

Lauren: I think he says
like 15 words in the movie.

Emily: I don't, I don't remember
him saying a single thing,

Ben: but my favorite thing about
the entire Rockula persona is that

then leads to like Stanley trying
to threaten to out him as a vampire,

a man who was already publicly
performing as a rock and roll vampire.

Emily: Yeah.

So let's talk about Stanley

Jeremy: Hold on, though.

His songs are like the equivalent
of Diary comics, basically.

Right?

They're all like, I'm
a vampire and I suck.

Lauren: I bought my Cape from Sears.

I live with my mom.

Ben: Okay.

You know, if you've ever seen
Eight Mile, the part where

Eminem makes fun of himself.

So this movie predicted m
has nothing to work with.

That's his entire discography.

Emily: Yes.

Like the whole rap scene.

Sorry for getting ahead, but I
was gonna make a joke about how

that shit just predicted m and m.

All right.

So let's talk about Stanley right now.

He is the profound obstacle in
the union of Mona and Ralph.

Other than Ralph's painful awkwardness.

That is.

Stanley is played by Thomas Dolby.

He is a fashion victim and an
advertising Dante, his ads are too long.

He sells cars, coffins, et cetera.

And he

Ben: always, he say fashion victim.

I say fashion

Emily: villain.

he is fashion.

He's just fashion, all of it.

Ben: He is his business, What was it?

What's it called?

Stanley's Death Park.

Stanley's Park Death, sir.

Which as far as I can tell, sells
cars, music equipment and cryogenics

Emily: and coffins that turn constantly.

So your relatives,

Ben: Oh yeah, I forgot
about the rotisserie coffin.

Emily: So, Thomas Doby Stanley,
he drives a steam pug car.

He always is surrounded by
a weird uncredited ethnic.

Entourages um, that are
sometimes incredibly the

Ben: car that a vampire should be driving.

Emily: Yeah.

His car is fucking rag.

Stanley wants Mona for himself
and is motivated by the

mysterious fortune teller.

Madam Ben Wa Yes, that Ben Wa

Lauren: Okay.

But this is the first time that
I've seen this movie an embarrassing

number of times that I've never
bothered to read the Wikipedia page.

I had always assumed it was
French, and so in my head it was

like B B E N O I T, maybe, right?

And not actually

Emily: oi, oi.

Well, that's a nice thing about watching
the show with captions, which I

always do for the sh for the podcast
because um, sometimes the edit or

the the sound mixing isn't great.

But yeah.

Bewa, by the way, does anyone
wanna explain to our listeners

what Bewa is if they don't know?

Ben: It's the balls on the chain and you
put 'em in the places that are your body.

Yes.

and that's my he G 13 ish
explanation of Ben wa balls.

Emily: It helps your, spots get
tight so you know, you can crack

Satan's dick with a divine keel.

Anyway Thank you.

That's a key.

And peel drip.

Ben: Oh, I assumed it was just
an anime coming out that season.

Emily: That would be great.

In fact madame Benua is
very, very motivating.

She is powerful and
we'll find out why later.

Ralph and Mona continue to bond through
various baffling musical numbers,

including but not limited to Rapa.

And a level of critically meta duet
that they sing over barrel fires and

homeless children, that is actually
then revealed to be a music video that

premieres an MTV that they made together.

Ben: Deeply, deeply unsettling
moment of what is reality.

.
Emily: yeah, this movie, like
really just caressed the fourth wall

and with eye contact in a really,
really like uncomfortable way.

So

Ben: I do think it's important
to note, if you haven't seen

the movie, this movie features.

Long sequences of entire songs happening.

It is not a musical, every song in
the movie is being actually performed

within the universe of the movie.

Emily: Yeah, sorta.

Yeah.

Lauren: Yeah.

A lot of them are on stage.

And then you've got Tony's
incredible after dinner.

Emily: Oh my God.

Song, a dance routine.

Yeah.

So finally with Stanley on his case, and
Mona already disillusioned by fame, Ralph

has finally decided to admit to her that
he's a vampire and tells her the whole

plot, concede about the reincarnation.

This and his mother's floor show
at dinner is a bit much for Mona.

She can't handle that level of
talent and she decides to Ollie out.

Uh, But she's late to her Ollie
appointment, so she changes

her mind and Ollie's back in.

Time is running out.

Verona is faded to die on Halloween.

This time, Stanley is our evil pirate
who has decided to go, quote unquote

save Mona from the Vampire directed
to do so by Madame Oi at the Halloween

party, which of course is a thing.

Stanley captures Mona and tries to club
her overhead with the hand bone that

he harvested himself from a real pig.

So he can keep her forever
frozen in his cryogenic coffin.

Ralph then appears at the last minute and
fights Stanley and they fence with the

pig leg and uh, hand bone respectively.

Mama Vampire, Phoebe.

Shows up and reveals that as mad and
Ben Washy has been the architect of this

legacy of, well, the recent installment
of this legacy, and therefore, by

association the entire legacy of
Ralph's dying girlfriends as some

kind of diabolical right of passage.

Ralph is finally passed as he defeats
Stanley by turning into a fart.

Be freaking about so bad that he falls
into his own cryogenic self-help coffin.

That makes dick jokes.

And now the day is saved.

Mona gets to live and mom is forgiven
and for all the murders because

she is Tony Basil and has more
talent than his Mil film deserves.

Did she know the film spelled
backwards as Mil and what of

Ralph's smart ass Reflection?

Well, apparently he could have just
broken his way through the mirror

this entire time and become Elvis with
three hot backup singers in amazing

orange hound tooth body suits and the
credits role as he sings a song about

his dick and plays piano on a guitar.

And that's rock.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Cop cop, cop, cop, cop, cop, cop clap.

Thank you.

I couldn't hear any of the
other claps, so I saw them.

Since this is an audio medium, I
will tell everybody that I totally

saw them and they were totally real.

Ben: Oh my God, what a wild movie.

Where at no point did I
have a grasp on reality

.
Emily: this movie is such a treat.

Ben: Ralph gets beat up in
his own romantic music video.

Emily: It's, Yeah, he like
sings his song while on the

hood of a car that just hit him.

Look, got bass is smashed into the window.

So

Ben: look who was driving, I'm I
think baby camera person mother

based off what I know like of

Lauren: the rest of the, I like to
think that it's Mona's bestie with

like the really cool hair that goes
out there and sings the song with

the three girls in the communion

Emily: dresses.

Ben: I want church girls at
club hell that is going on.

That was Mona's

Emily: idea.

We know who to blame.

They say it in in the show and
they talk about that video.

They say, Oh, the kids were Mona's idea.

And I'm like, Cool.

Now we know who to blame.

. I really want a Pinterest.

I just need to make a Pinterest board
that is based off of the fashion of.

Edith head chick.

Ben: I very much loved this Velma friend.

Emily: Yeah, Velma friend is, we were
really hoping that she would save the day.

I, I'm sad she didn't, but you
know, the fart bet was pretty

Ben: good.

. I was hoping she would end up
with Mona Gi, Mona and Velma

Jeremy: run off . I i, I gotta
give it up for this villain.

I mean, Thomas Doby is great, but the
fact that uh, this guy is uh, Mona's ex

who like, kind of wants to be with her.

Doesn't really seem all that attached,
but like, you know, ideally they'd

be together and go so far as to like,
try and hunt down a, a sparkly peg leg

and actually kill a pig himself and
then serve the ham that he is from.

This pig is killed as part of
the like, Catering for this band.

It's like I love, we love

Ben: a thrifty villa.

That's the only, but not decision
he makes in the whole film.

Stanley

Lauren: is investing his in
his ex-girlfriend's music.

He's running a used car lot
slash coffin, sales area coffin,

.
Ben: Who is this target audience?

Coffin, store coffins.

Outside of me feel I would buy though.

I would buy that coffin.

I would buy the coffin that
let says the, Can I record the

things that my coffin says?

Lauren: I yell it yourself.

Ben: Honestly, Stanley

Jeremy: was probably not terribly
successful in 1990, but if that business

was on Twitter, he would blow the fuck up

Lauren: a hundred percent.

Emily: He would be
interviewed on every podcast.

Lauren: The first time I saw
this movie, I thought that.

It feels like it deserves to be
one of those things that's played

at midnight in movie theaters.

Like, it feels like it needs to
be a rocky horror type thing.

I want to see people acting
it out while it's on screen.

I need to see someone doing the come to
Stanley's desk park just dramatically

with the, There's Vegas showgirls
that he's dancing with surrounded by

coffins, and it's just, it's beautiful.

he is a highly fashionable, used car
salesman, but he's selling coffins.

For

Ben: the record, if I die in an untimely
death, I do want Thomas Doby in Vegas.

Back to answers, like just
performing at my funeral.

Emily: I want Danny Elman.

I'm gonna go for the fucking, I'm.

Aim for the top.

I love want Danielle to like, you know,
do a funeral procession for me and do

the, have those kids from that movie who
were definitely not singing in Rockula.

They were definitely synthesized,
you know, older people's voices

that made, made to sound younger
and I, I want them there.

Or, or they're like, whatever
modern equivalents singing

the Danny Elfman songs.

They have Elvis impersonators.

I want a Danny Elfman impersonator.

I want Danny Elman as the
devil Doing Cab Calloway.

Person impersonator.

Ben: I love Stanley.

How it takes no convincing that the train
of thought to, in order to protect Mona

from vampires, you need to kill her.

And then he is just on that train
of thought, the rest of the movie.

At no point does he stop thinking
like, this makes perfect sense.

I'm gonna murder you for you.

We'll be together forever.

But also you don't like
talk or do anything.

It's perfect.

Emily: Well, here's the thing.

Here's the the buck wild thing.

So in the middle of the movie, during
one of the like bonding montages between

Mona and Ralph, they go to a uh, an art
gallery and see a show by ego, Sheila.

And he talks about like the
scuttle butt of ego, Sheila.

And she's like, Wow.

It's like you were there.

And he's like, Ha ha ha.

Yeah.

I'm not 104 years old, 400 years
old, and I still have a retainer,

but like, like if you're a vampire,
have a, you know, a retain.

I don't know why they gave him a retainer.

We didn't

Ben: even get rule of
threes with that retainer.

The retainer came up
twice and it did nothing.

Emily: It came up technically three
times when there was one scene

where you could really see it.

But if you can count that.

But let's go back to Eon Sheila.

It's a German expressionist.

His stuff is really fucking cool.

Now, I ego Sheila was a colleague of
another German expressionist named Oscar

Kaka, who had a bad breakup and was
so pissed off about his breakup that

he made of a life size mannequin of
his girlfriend that he took to parties

using hair that she like, that he had
collected of hers to dress her head.

Now the connection between this.

And the preserving the
girlfriend in the cryogenic tube.

I don't know if that's just something
that I'm projecting because I.

That way.

No, I'm

Lauren: gonna call it Canon.

This movie is incredibly
sophisticated and deep.

I think you picked up on it,

,
Ben: You found the hidden theme.

This is what they were trying
to explore all this time, all

Lauren: this time.

30 years of them waiting
for someone to pick up on

Emily: the theme.

And you did it on the, on
the like deep cut Oscar Koka

ego, Sheila German expression.

I mean, I'm imagining

Ben: likes from the Mortal Combat movie.

Just going like at last.

One of them understands

That's my Christopher
Lambert impersonation.

Emily: I just, whenever I try to do a
impersonation of Christopher Lambert,

I just try to sound like Ren ho.

Like you idiot Luke

Ben: King.

Jeremy: Can we take a
minute to talk about Boom.

Yeah.

Lauren: Let's talk about

Emily: Yes.

,
Lauren: he's played by a
professional arm wrestler.

Yeah, he's played

Ben: by this, I fucking hope so, by Rick
Zumwalt, who was, who plays it was in

Over the top during Sylvester Stallone,
aka the greatest movie ever made.

Jeremy: He's Sylvester Stallone's rival in
his professional arm wrestling movie over

Ben: the top.

I need a whole movie of just this vampire
mom and her pro wrestler side piece.

Well,

Lauren: she

Emily: also has her like,
She's got a different

Lauren: boyfriend at the

Ben: beginning.

She's, there is implied bathtub,
snorkel con lingus going on.

There is hardcore wrestler sex.

At one point she just pulls
out a gun and is like two alls.

Bye.

I'm off to do gun stuff with the

Lauren: Ladies Club.

It's Range Night at the ladies club.

Ben: Okay.

I need, I, I need like a five
season show entirely about Phoebe.

Okay?

What

Lauren: we do in the shadows, I
forget whatever the next season is.

I propose they go get Tony and
we just, that's the next season

of what we do in the shadows.

Emily: I will

Lauren: say same character,
and it's the same character.

She has to be the character just

Emily: like how, what's his face from
Blade just became a vampire because, oh,

Ben: Stephen Dorf and do, I will
say, Just totally off topic.

The episode of what we, They, they
do with shadows that I'm legitimately

really hoping they do, is a, How Laslow
turned into a Vampire Origin episode.

Done as a paste of
interview with the Vampire.

I, That would be good.

That would my be dead.

That's my, that's my hope for season five.

I, whatever season they're going

Emily: into.

They did do the Dracula, the Ram Stoks,
Dracula turning into the rats thing.

I mean, they gotta, they can
cover their bases and they did

Lauren: Twilight like their,
they hits all the big ones.

Rockula has to be next,

Emily: right?

They have to acknowledge their briefs.

Ben: Well, did we get a little
bit of that, that with all,

with the child performing in the
Vampire Club, We got the Childers.

That's your, That's the Rockula.

Emily: I mean, I

Lauren: would've preferred Tony coming
back and actually being, Do we need the

reference Supreme Queen of all vampires?

Ben: Right.

The reference asides from them
legitimately stealing the story of

this movie My, for their season one

Emily: plot.

Well, I feel like to like maybe
that there's some sort of Yeah,

this is TM copyright, by the way.

You gotta buy this from me, Taika.

That legit,

Ben: it legitimately feels like
if I was the chira, I'd be like,

no one's fucking seeing Rocka.

No one's watched that.

We could absolutely just steal that line.

Nobody one's calling us out on it.

Yeah, but guess what?

We're, we're not really
calling you out on it either.

It's fine.

It was great.

We love you.

What we do in the shadows.

Emily: I will, I will negotiate sale
of this intellectual property idea to

ta y t t under certain circumstances.

uh, Mega Moth on Twitter.

Please contact me directly and we can
negotiate this idea of Tilda Swinton and

Tony Basil having like, A vampire fight.

Like a vampire dance battle.

Yes.

Um, And then Tony Basil
kicks Tilda Swinton's ass.

And Tilda Whitton is an,
is a legend, is incredible.

She can play anything as was
proven in the film Susperia.

Lauren, I really want to ask you, I, I
really want to go back to that moment

where you first discovered this film,
and I want you to tell us about that

moment because this, I, I feel like this
is a very important moment for you as it

has been a very important moment for me

Lauren: so I.

My roommate was applying for grad
schools and didn't want the TV on for

basically two semesters which is fair.

And so I decided I was going to watch
every single free horror movie on Amazon

Prime because that was the only streaming
service that I had an account for.

And I would, I saw a lot of
not great movies that were

free on Amazon Prime in 2013.

And I computer, it was on my computer.

It was on my little tiny 14 inch laptop.

Oh, bless

you know, that animated intro started
and I, I just kind of went, Oh, okay.

And then it was just a joy to watch
and I'm trying not to laugh because

my roommate is, Applying to science
schools and I want her to succeed.

But also, it's so funny and the
songs get stuck in your head.

And I'm messaging my friends
like on my phone, going, I cannot

believe this movie I'm watching.

And I probably watched it 12 or 13
times and told some friends about it

and one by one they'd like come over.

We'd watch it.

And it finally got to being five or six
of us going into classrooms and projecting

this movie onto the screens, it, I kind of
felt like I had discovered something that

no one else seemed to be talking about.

Cause then one my friends had
heard about it, I couldn't find a

lot of discussion about it online.

When it feels like the energy of a
Rocky Horror Picture show, or a repo,

the genetic opera in terms of it's
leaning so hard into what it is.

Ben: Yes, I, I think this movie
should be taught in film classes.

So we can study the one of the early
scenes where the bartender just info

dumps Ralphs into backstory to himself.

Emily: Yes.

And the

Ben: bartender.

Where, yeah.

Where else do you find that
kind of, And screenwriting.

Emily: A, the , the bartender's
name is Chuck the bartender.

B she is played by Susan Tyrell

Lauren: now expert, bongo player.

Susan

Emily: Tyrell.

And she, I'm pretty sure Chuck the
bartender is not a header of sexual

person or not at least supposed to be a
header of sexual person , it seems like.

Ben: No, Yeah, I'm gonna say no to that.

Also, man, they really set up that
music audition for that band so fast.

They got the machi in there.

Where did they get all

Emily: that equipment?

All snacks.

And they, they all these different
styles, they, and there's no,

Lauren: there's no one else in the bar,
so they just kind of have time to do that.

Chuck is only serving her free

Emily: friends.

Yeah,

Jeremy: I'm guessing they just
rated Phoebe's closet cuz you

know she's got all that stuff.

Well, there a

Ben: hundred percent
costumes and costumes.

Y'all, y'all, they clearly
took advantage of the amazing

deals at Stanley's Death Park.

Emily: Stanley's selling off
his old clothes or the other

buying Stanley's old clothes.

I mean, Stanley probably is like,
his whole house is just made of

boxes of like anti antique costumes

Ben: was full of so many moments.

I just went, maybe go like, what
is happening like during Stanley's

commercial where he, there's just two
people walking in the background of

this cemetery and then they high five.

Mm-hmm.

Emily: There was a lot of stuff
that I did not like process did

Ben: happen, or did I just like
have a fucking hallucination

stroke during that scene?

Emily: Another thing what we do in the
shadows does have a character that they

named PERA and he was rapping since 1991.

Oh.

Ben: So, Oh, they know this fucking movie.

They've seen it.

They've seen it.

Fucking movie hard.

I see

Emily: you type white tt we see you.

So if you taka, if you, again,
mega Ma on Twitter, if you wanna

negotiate us, not outing for having

Ben: and, and icu, you,
Sam, this German Cle

Jeremy: jma.

Yeah.

Taka, sure.

This feels like Germaine
Clement all the way.

Yeah.

This feels like, Well, I love

Ben: Germaine Mormon and German Cle
where he says, like, I love when they

ask how Taika, how did you adapt what
we do in the shadows to television?

Because the real answer is he
called up, he called me up and

said, Hey Jermaine, can you do it?

Emily: Bless.

Ben: Oh.

I love what we do in the shadows.

It's, it's the

Emily: best.

I love it too.

This?

Yeah, this, this movie is a treat.

And Lauren, I feel like I am
going to continue your tradition,

, forcing other people to watch it.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You know, a pyramid scheme I sent,
I, as I was watching this movie, I

sent multiple different like chats
and I was like, You, I sent them to

YouTube, cuz this is on YouTube as well.

I sent multiple people.

I'm like, Bitch, you gotta watch
this . I said, This is a movie

Ben: video where you show up to a
vampire's house, say what's for dinner.

And then a Leo, hard wearing pro wrestler
comes out and yells Lead and potatoes.

Who's asking?

Oh

Emily: my,

Lauren: I loved that scene so much.

He's

Emily: just got so much voice.

He's so good.

And his kilt and his
mesh top his feather boa.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

And it's really funny because with,
with Bebe, they have this range of

like, big to small, black to white.

Like she's, she is a woman of
variety and they have capped

that spectrum on both sides.

So you just know that she has
been an everywhere in between.

Lauren: The dinner party scene
is one of my absolute favorites.

I, I could easily say that about every
single scene in this movie, but the

dinner party scene is special because
Mona is so deeply uncomfortable walking

into Ralph's house cuz they have
known each other for maybe 72 hours.

And he is like, Meet my mom.

they walk in and Phoebe
just starts talking.

Like immediately starts talking
about Mona's past lives.

The fact that she hooked
up with George Washington.

Oh, by the way, Mona, did you know that
you were a princess in a past life?

Yeah, the king of France was your father.

And she's just talking, talking,
talking, talking, talking.

Dropped the fact, Oh, this
is my son's fiance, Mona.

Mona.

Looks like she's been slapped
across the face and is wearing

this really great little hat.

And then you get pro arm wrestler,
boyfriend walking out, yelling meat

and potatoes with like his whole body

Emily: and his name is boom.

Ben: Boom.

I love that.

Mona has the reaction that someone
would have as if she had just been

exposed to the idea that vampires are.

But no vampires being real has yet to
factor into the conversation at all.

Merely just weird family dinner
was enough to get to that level.

Yeah.

Like imagine that level of
weirdness and then, oh, and by

the way, we're also vampires.

Emily: Yeah.

I think she was already freaked out by the
whole situation before, like the fart bat.

Ben: Chuck's

Jeremy: extent to handling
this is like my mom.

Crazy, huh?

Like

Ben: In the backstory of this
movie's world, I'm desperate to

know more about the pirate who
actually had the rhinestone peg leg.

The first one.

This one.

The guy who actually legitimately
killed Mona with ham bone.

Also, and I've never heard the
word hand bone used so many

times in a single fucking movie.

I heard any movie I in the where I've
heard the word hand bone and it's just

in one episode of Fu Ramma and that's

Emily: it.

I've heard the word hand bone a lot
in weird All ya capix pardy video fat.

Because he said, says it instead of

.
Lauren: Okay, Quick that's quick.

Literally back of a piece of scrap paper.

Map the, the first going off of
the established can in this movie.

We know that Ralph met the first
Mo Mona Mona one 308 years prior

to 1990, which means that she was
killed in hall on Halloween of 1682.

So somewhere in the history of 1682, if
we were looking up the, I don't know,

cool, cool pirate figures of 1682 has
to be our peg leg, rhinestone peg, leg

hand, bone wielding Mona murdering.

Ben: And, and I really in, in the
next season of our flag meets death.

Yes.

Lauren: Every single person seen this
movie we're all just going scream

Emily: Yeah.

All 30 people have seen rock Donald
Sutherland at the end of fucking

Vision of the Body snatch, you're

Ben: Your protagonist, that is
Dean Cameron who is in ski school.

Ski school two, and the one episode of
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, where

they made fun of the ski school franchise.

Yeah, he's good at being a late
eighties schlubby sch protest.

Emily: He's not a bad looking guy.

he is in and of himself, both
Ferris Bueller and Cameron.

He's

Ben: like, Scott Bula
channeling Rick Morans energy.

Emily: He's like, Harry Sheer both
being handsome, Dan and being handsome.

Dan,

Jeremy: I feel like you could just
take the entire cast of this movie

and transfer them to an episode of
Night Court and it would be still

Ben: perfect you, It could still even
have the quality of the video on YouTube

that I want this full movie from.

Yeah.

I feel like Id by not watching

Jeremy: it on vhs.

Lauren: So there is a blueray of it
that it, that exists because I have met

one other human being that's seen this
movie and I didn't show it to them.

Yes.

And it's a coworker of mine, Chaz, and
I was telling Chaz about this movie.

He goes, Oh, I seen that.

Did you know there's a blueray of it?

And he sent me a link to it and
he goes, Oh, but it's sold out.

And I don't think they're
doing another printing of it.

Oh.

So there is an even higher
quality version that exists higher

than YouTube, higher than Tubi.

It's out there.

I just

Emily: don't have it.

Tub, they say you can buy it on
Amazon according to letter boxed.

Are there letter

Lauren: boxed reviews for

Emily: this?

I didn't check.

No,

Lauren: you don't wanna spoil it, but I
don't know how you could spoil this movie

cuz I could say something random in it
and it could be a lie or it could be true.

Emily: Yeah.

To truth and a lie.

Rockwell edition.

Only one left in stock order soon.

Oh shit.

Ben: Remember probably physical
media or else David Zos level.

Throw your favorite
shows into a black hole.

Emily: Hold up.

Failed to add an item to the cart.

What the fuck

Ben: are we just doing?

Live shopping now?

Emily: I'm pulling a Justin McRoy
and I'm buying it during the podcast.

Ben: all respect, fucking
full and support me in this.

Lauren: When I could not
watch it on Amazon Prime.

It used to be, I don't know if it's
still that way on YouTube, but when

I was watching it in college, it
was split up into like 12 parts.

Emily: Jesus , I mean, it's
on two B with the, with ads.

Ben: Look, can you really say you've
watched the B movie, if you didn't

watch it back on YouTube when YouTube
had 10 minute video limits and you

had to watch it in nine minutes,
Like Rockula part two of nine

,
Emily: right?

I mean, isn't that how we watched?

Um, Hell Bens

,
Jeremy: There's a VHS of Rockula
for sale on Amazon right now.

Emily: Oh my, I have just bought
the last copy of, oh my gosh.

Lauren: I took a little peek on letter
boxed and someone on October 30th of

this year wrote Bazaro MTV, Land Teen
Virginity Fantasy, but also kind of a

lesson about the importance of bravery in

Ben: love.

Also a movie where I feel like
they went really far outta

their way to write the line.

That was my mother.

You just bounded.

Emily: Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

This movie is fall

Ben: school.

That was, that was real torture.

You mean all

Lauren: of Rockula?

Emily: Yeah, . Yeah.

I mean, this is like good tor,
like this is like kink, like

this is like good torture.

Like this is the kind of torture that
you like, what, what some people would

call torture and you would be like, This
is torture that comes with a safe word.

Ben: Yeah.

And that's it.

And that safe word is
wear Wolf ro sound effect.

Emily: Did

Lauren: you have a
favorite song in the movie?

Cause I feel like my favorite song changes
every time I've seen this movie, which

again, is an embarrassing number of times.

Ben: Definitely.

Tony Bats this big

Emily: number.

Oh yeah, no, her number about where she
does and she has the bat hits, like, Yeah.

I think that's, that's my favorite.

Lauren: And jumps on the piano.

Yes.

Emily: Like, oh yeah.

Yes.

Just perfection.

Let me go through my notes.

Yeah, it's absolutely that one for me too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

and least favorite, I'm gonna have to
just to say like, The rapa is painful.

It is.

It makes go ninja.

Ninjago seem this is America.

Like it's so, bad.

Yeah.

Like I feel like with, I'm like, yeah.

Ben: Yeah, Those ninjas should go go nit.

Emily: Yeah.

Ninja Rap is born.

I shouldn't here that movie

Ben: Ninja Wrap is an important lesson
about the dangers of being a super

soldier under poorly bell piers.

Emily: Yeah.

And don't eat shit that you know
where, Don't know where it came

Ben: from.

I know we shit on a lot of superhero movie
act three endings now, and I know this is

really off topic, but I'm like, man, it
used to be just like a rat puppet threw

you out through the villain off a roof.

And that was the end of the movie.

Emily: That was the first movie.

Hello?

That was the first movie.

Yeah.

The second movie ended with the mm-hmm.

, The third movie.

Jeremy: Nobody remembers

Ben: how it, the third movie
ended the movie series.

Ha I

Emily: Zia.

Okay.

Can I, Teenager Ninja Turtle.

Yes.

Okay.

So, Lauren has just shared with us.

Um, One of these letter box reviews
of this film, Rockula Caitlin.

This goes out to you . Three and a half
stars watched by Caitlin 27th, October 22.

Ben: Kaitlyn spelled with a k and o y.

Yeah,

Emily: bless you, Caitlin.

Ben: Um, I don't know why,
but that adds character to me.

Emily: I don't care if Tony Basil is your
vampire mother or that Susan Tyrell is

your trusty emotional support bartender.

I don't care that Thomas Doby wants you
dead or that the bo diddly soundtracks

your laments with smooth blues licks.

It all should have happened to me, Ralph,
What a name in bat form was a shock.

And frozen.

And frozen doby looked like
Cheney and Phantom Face Shutters.

The songs are geeky as fuck.

But this movie is packaged so sincerely
that you can't help but fall for it.

Mm.

That mantra felt

Ben: good.

I mean, I will say for that review,
I don't know about all of y'all,

but the sentiment of, I want Tony
Basil to be my vampire mommy.

Lauren: I feel like she probably
gives really excellent pep talks.

Like you've had a rough day
at, I don't know, being an

embarrassment to vampire kind.

And she's probably pretty encouraging.

And then skips off to book club where
they're gonna stab people afterwards.

Probably.

She is

Emily: the, like proto
what we do in the shadows.

Nadia, like, she is Nadia, like think
it's just like the, the testament to

her quality is that after she has a
murdered her son's girlfriend over and

over again, And he has finally built
up the gumption to stand up for her.

That's when she's like, Okay, and her
son is, I forgive you for murdering

my girlfriend over and over again.

Yeah.

Ben: I feel like the person who was
murdered 15 times should have a say in

whether or not she forgives the person
who arranged her murder 15, but she

Lauren: doesn't remember

Ben: being murdered 14 and a half
except for the parts where she

Lauren: does.

Right.

She kinda, Oh, that music box
feels vaguely familiar, but that

was when I was the princess of.

And I didn't know about
that until an hour ago.

So she was Maria

Emily: Antoinette, do you

Ben: remember the

Emily: 1920s?

I mean, unless she's, Unless this

Ben: is a version of history where
Maria Antoinette was beaten to death

with a hand bone by a pirate instead.

No, no know Guillotine, We dunno.

Revolution.

Emily: The

Ben: French Revolution.

That's a movie.

That's a movie.

I also wanna see how

Lauren: different is
historical cannon in the verse.

Emily: Listen, she's up there at the
guillotine and they're like, Hold

on, we got a special guy for you.

And he's so good.

What He is like sharpened that hand
bone to become a sword and then he cuss

her heads head off with it and no one
talks about it cuz it was too far away.

Yeah.

Then you know, like everybody
was watching, it was like, I

can't see over everyone's hat.

And then like, The record keepers were
all paid except for the one secret dead

sea scroll of Maria Antoinette's death
that the creators of Rockula found.

Lauren: It was handed to
them by they were lucky

Emily: herself.

Ki Scrolls.

Tell

Ben: my stories.

You thought I wasn't gonna notice.

You fucking sneaking an
Avon Kelly in reference

Emily: Jesse Scrolls
exists outside of Avon.

Gallian Ben, I know, but you
made it about Avon Gallian.

I

Lauren: do wanna say that my,
my, my songs from this are

Ben: deniability

Lauren: are indeed the after
dinner song, Stanley's Death Park,

And also Turn Me Loose, which
is the song with all the monkey

Emily: noises.

Jeremy: That seemed like a real song,

Ben: right?

I mean that, that also Sophia.

I'm like, this feels like a power ballad
that did not chart very high in 1989.

I

Lauren: felt like a machine to make
t whose place Mona into a pop star.

Except then the movie didn't

Emily: happen at the
level they wanted it to.

Yeah, it was like they were
trying to do a real life Wayne's

world with T, but then like Mr.

Bigs was not there.

. .
Ben: Okay.

I'm really trying to figure the nineties
and by really try, I mean not actually

try very hard at all to figure out
the exact moment when reality becomes

a music video there filming and
produced an unknown amount of time,

but apparently less than two weeks.

Well,

Emily: when they're like under the
awning and they're like, Well the

rain's letting up and then there's this
really long pause that is not good.

It is not pregnant with anything.

It is Barron.

This is a Barron pause in this film where
she is like, So and he, and then he just.

Leaves and then they have to find
each other through a duet where

they wander through a homeless
or you know, like a camp full of

barreled fires and homeless children.

Little like wass hoping probably
abandoned by their parents or something.

I don't know.

Is that where she gets

Lauren: the kids to dance
behind her, do you think?

Are they the same in children?

Emily: I, yes, they are the same children.

I believe those children are actually
actors because that is, it is revealed.

It is a music video and
it is not, not correct.

It is not real.

But then yeah, like he gets hit by a
car and he's singing while his face

is smooshed against the windshield.

And then they end up right
back where they started.

And I, and just as I was like, What
the fuck was the point of that?

That's when it pans out and is
like, this is a music video now.

And that's where I'm like, movie.

I swear to fucking God.

Yeah.

I am about to punch you.

And then it's like Thomas Doby does
the Ted Park and I'm like, You got me.

You got me back, Goddammit.

Lauren: Oh, the guy whose
name, I had to figure it out.

But the fourth friend Oh,

Emily: is Roddy.

That is his name.

Lauren: That is his name.

So I saw

Emily: him credited, but I'm like,
that can't be it cuz he's gotta

be a name's character cuz he's up
there with Bo Diddley and Susan

Tyrell, but is just some asshole.

I

Ben: Bo Didley for this movie.

What the fuck?

What is Bo Didley doing here?

Yeah.

Like he was just there.

Yeah,

Jeremy: he was just around.

Yeah.

Lauren: Yeah.

Do you wanna just play a sad
soundtrack while we talk about how

many times this guy's girlfriend has

Ben: died?

Like, is it, I'm trying to think of
Be Didley as just like a big fan of

New Wave and like that's what got

Emily: him in like Yeah, maybe him
and Thomas Doby were just like buddies

and Thomas Doby is like, Hey I
just need your, your moral support

so is this movie feminist?

Ben: I don't know.

Yeah, like, let's,

Jeremy: let's, hold on.

Let's get all the other
stuff outta the way.

Oh yeah, let's, There's nothing
interesting to say about physical

disability or mental illness.

Has nothing good to say
about racial social justice.

Ben: Rap.

It has rap.

Emily: I thought his
name was fucking Rockula.

They're like, we're, There's no reason
to have in here, have a bad rap song.

He switches

Ben: the branding depending
on what genre he is in.

He's like, he's, he's like
the Trader Joe's food section.

.
Emily: He really is.

Yeah.

I mean, like, that's what he's doing.

And then he's also like Eminem.

But,

Jeremy: Yeah, it has
nothing good to say about

Ben: class.

Like if he had gotten the,
it would've been Maria.

Yeah, that's

Emily: actually pretty good.

Jeremy: There's a couple of characters
to feel queer, but does not meaningly

engage with that in any way.

But is this movie,

Ben: Feminist

movie, ? It's movie,

Emily: but is it movie?

It's movie.

Ben: Is it movie?

Emily: I, so I think Mama Phoebe
Vampire is is pretty feminist record.

Yeah.

Even though I think that
her, her like empowerment is

almost like a little too much.

She could be played for laughs, but I, it
just, even if it was intended to be played

for laughs, it comes off is Tony like,

Lauren: embraces it.

And I, I, I believe it.

Even if it's meant for me to
laugh at, I am fully on board.

I, I believe

Ben: in Phoebe.

Yeah.

if her empowerment is meant to be a
joke, then we are falling for the satire

gap because she is so empowered that
even if it's supposed to be a joke,

it comes all the way back around to
her just being even more empowered.

Jeremy: It's very, This is
the future liberals want.

It's

Emily: yes.

Lauren: Liberals want boom boom,
making you meat and potatoes

while you dance on the piano.

Emily: Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

I got boom boom downstairs.

This

Ben: is the Adam's family reboot.

Emily: And that's not, and that's
not a, a reference to Brett.

Brett is smart and strong.

Aw.

Jeremy: Who says boom, Boom's

Ben: not smart.

Yeah.

Boom.

Boom.

One.

Boom, boom is smart enough to worship
the ground that Tony Bael walks on.

My

Emily: bad boom boom
is an immaculate host.

Okay, You know what?

My bad, I just,

Ben: I waved away in that

Emily: kitchen

Lauren: how awkward it's cooking
in someone else's kitchen.

Cause like, everything's in a weird
place, but boom, boom showed up.

Like, I think he was and made dinner here.

I think

Emily: he's been around
the kitchen for a while.

Sparkly.

I mean, do we know

Ben: sparkly leotard and a kilt?

You know, honestly, I think he's

Emily: incredible.

I just didn't want anyone to think that I
call Brett boom, boom, , especially Brett.

So that's

Jeremy: all Brett boom booming.

Ben: S you call him the hang.

Emily: I mean, anyway, so

Jeremy: the other half of this is
the whole, the whole subplot of

Mona dying every 22 years and being
reincarnated and him needing to save her.

Not particularly

Emily: feminist.

No, no.

She is being killed by his
awesome mom every time.

So yeah.

And

Jeremy: mean, that's kind, that
is maybe the most damning part

is that his mom is actually like,
has some, Yeah, but she does

Ben: attachment issues, reasons.

Emily: It's sort of like attachment
issues, but it's also a rite of passage

where she's like, you have proof in
yourself that you're enough, you know

that you can stick up for what you love.

Ben: That, that sounds very,
You're not a lose time.

The movie, you have proven that
after 400 years you are no longer a

loser who needs to live with your.

Emily: And he doesn't embrace
his toxically masculine

Lauren: reflection.

He just, no, he completely
like, it's, it's somewhere else

completely separate from him.

Emily: It does come alive and become Elvis
and, and talk and sing about his dick.

Ben: That is wild though, that the
primary actor that Dean Cameron

interacts with is Dean Cameron.

Like, the scene partner he spends
more scenes with than any other is

himself in this bizarre, misogynistic
reflection bit that runs the entire film.

They never let go of the reflection bit.

It's wild.

Jeremy: I kind of love the reflection bit.

I kind of love, like the way it's played
as like the reflection is the shitty dude.

I don't know, half of him, reflection
of him is the opposite of him.

Something that's like egging him
on to make something of himself.

Emily: It's like if Ferris Bueller,
like if Cameron was like, Fuck you,

Ferris, and then like kicked him out.

Ben: Oh, so this is, if Ferris is just
a figment of Cameron's imagination.

is he, But in actual, But like
actually just the, like do

Emily: I know that Ferris
Bueller exists and he's not just

fucking Cameron's Tyler Durden

Ben: again.

I, I watched Ferris Bueller's
Day off because I wrote a fucking

middle grade novel, mostly based
off of Ferris Bueller's Day off.

I went through my notes of things
I wanted to keep and not keep,

and what I crossed my notes was
maybe our protagonist isn't a quad.

A quasi magical sociopath.

Emily: Yes.

Trope is tired by now.

I suppose I

Jeremy: do have to ask is is
saving your reincarnated girlfriend

from your vampire mother like the
vampire equivalent of bar mitzvah?

Like that's, that's when you've
passed it right into manhood.

Lauren: See we, because we only see two
vampires, this entire movie like this

could be happening all over the world.

Yeah.

Who knows?

In the rock verse.

Oh

Ben: yeah.

Emily: Isn't this a level
in Resident Evil Village?

Mm-hmm.

. I'm not very familiar with
that game, to be honest.

All I know is the Vampire lady.

Big, pretty.

That's it.

Lauren: That is also the
extent of my knowledge.

Ben: When are getting that out, man.

Now when are we getting that one?

I need the Resident Evil movie where This
is Gwen and Christie as the main villain.

Emily: Right.

For real though.

Jeremy: That movie would never be
what anybody wants it to think.

Ben: That's true.

No, it wouldn't be because every
resident evil movie is a goddamn puzzle.

Box of film, shittery nonsense.

Emily: Maybe they can
come all the way around.

Jeremy: So here's the big question guys,
and I feel like I know the answer to this.

Do we feel like this is worth people
saying should they see continue?

Oh,

Ben: absolutely.

Emily: Yes, a hundred percent.

Come

Lauren: join the Pyramid

Emily: scheme.

Yes.

Be one of those people that
gets those jokes on, on what

we do in the show Shadows.

Ben: Yes.

Get your friends together, get real
drunk and just fucking go for it.

Oh my God, yes.

Jeremy: By that, by that
Ben means watch the movie.

Emily: If you can handle it.

My Rockula, you don't deserve me
at my interview of the vampire.

All right.

Which by the way,

Ben: is so, is the best show right now.

Interview of the Vampire on amc.

Seen it yet?

It's amazing.

It's everything.

If you are at any point in your
life where you feel you are tired of

vampires and vampire stories, watch
the new Interview of the Vampire.

It will dissuade you of such notions.

Real

Emily: fucking quick.

Is that your, is that
your recommendation, Ben?

No.

Ben: My recommendation, if you like
this movie is watch the Werewolf Bar

Mitzvah video from 30 Rock on the Loop

Jeremy: Boys Becoming Men, Men Becoming

Lauren: Wolves.

See, I see all of these things online
that talk about this being a cult

movie, but I feel like every other
cult movie in existence, I've met

multiple people who have seen it.

Yeah.

Where is Mike Col?

Like, I, Are you guys
doing midnight showings?

I wanna come,

Emily: We're making it.

This is how you said it.

You're making it.

I, I'll, I'm shaving my head.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna buy some
sneakers and col would at a time.

Lauren: Look, I, everything she
wears every, I'm like, man, I could,

I could just wear that and people
would think I was fun and eccentric

and eventually someone would say,
I'm sorry, is that an outfit from

Emily: We just have to go to,
we'll go to conventions together.

One of us will wear the outfit and the
other person will be like, Whoa, rock.

And then we'll have like a, we'll
have like a secret, you know?

And then see if anybody else notices,
because then no, no one else is gonna

remember the movie unless they like
hear the name, because they're all

gonna think it's, everyone who's
seen this movie is probably just

gonna dismiss it as a fever dream.

Ben: Um,

Jeremy: Kids wearing a rhinestone
of wearing rhinestone, peg leg

.
Emily: What if we kissed?

Actually they almost kissed that scene
where they all like, they try to run each

other through with the rhinestone P leg
in the very, very fake Halloween spirit.

Mb

Lauren: as I was explaining
those movie people in college,

like I would hit them with that.

Oh, so every 22 years his girlfriend dies.

Because a pirate with a rhinestone
peg leg hits her with a hand bone.

And one of my friends looks at me and
goes, But he's got, Why didn't he just

kick her with the peg leg that's already
attached to where is this hand bone?

And I would love an answer for that.

I, I would love an extended
Rockula verse of some sort.

Ben: I know this movie, at least
this plot line isn't feminist because

a set up where you just keep being
immortal and your girlfriend never gets

older than 22, just sounds like the
perfect scenario for Leonardo DiCaprio

Emily: here all night, folks.

Ben: I got them with the Zs got
enjoy your millions now to capo,

,
Jeremy: you a sucker.

Okay.

I, So with all that in mind,
we definitely recommend it.

What else would we recommend people
check out to speak Lauren, do you

have something you wanna recommend?

Lauren: Is it, is it re, does it
have to be related to Rockula?

Jeremy: Because it can be anything.

It can be, it can be something completely

Lauren: different.

Okay.

I have recently re-watched the first
season of Scream Queens on Fox.

I say that because there's a second show
called Scream Queens that was on VH one

which is also good, but it's reality tv.

So actually, you know what, I recommend
both versions of Scream Queens.

If you want sorority girls trying to solve
a Murder while Jamie Lee card is just a

total badass, that's one Scream Queens.

Or if you want Shawnee Smith hosting
a reality TV show where a bunch of

actresses are buying for a roll in saw.

Also highly recommended.

And that one's on YouTube
and it's from like Maybe

Emily: you're still on
the hell out of these.

Cuz the first time was like, no.

And then you said Jamie Lee Curtis.

Yeah.

Like you're, you're highlighting
everything that I would pick up here.

This is why you're the cult leader
of the right . So screen queens

Lauren: is I'm going to Abigail
Breslin, Billy Lord Ariana Grande.

Oh my gosh.

That girl from Glee, whose
name I'm blanking on entirely.

Diego Bon.

Jamie Lee Curtis.

Yeah.

Leah Michelle.

Thank you.

I did not watch Glee.

Ben: And Who's the funny girl?

.
Lauren: And Glen Powell and it,
they're all at a college campus.

They're all really terrible and a
masked murderer is killing them all.

And some people are trying to solve
that mystery and Jamie Lee Cardis is the

dean of the college who doesn't really
seem that concerned that these people

are dying cuz she doesn't like them.

And it is pretty open about how
much she doesn't like these people.

Emily: That sounds very on brand
for Jamie Lee Curtis and I love it.

Lauren: And she does
some cool fight scenes.

Nice.

It's solid.

So yeah, that's what I would recommend.

Emily: All right,

Jeremy: Emily, what you got?

Emily: Gosh, there's so much.

There's so much I can recommend.

We've mentioned a lot of things.

You know what, I think what I'm going,
I'm going to decide on is someone who

I've talked about a couple times there's
the The once polygon personality.

Now YouTube musician Brian David
Gilbert, who has done a series of

music videos that are versions of disco
songs sung by vampires and werewolves.

Check out his ABA series spelled
like aba, like bunch of A's

with a H, and then b a cabinet.

Lauren: There's an exclamation point.

Emily: Yes.

And his most recent installment, B dgs,
he B bgs where he sings Stay on Alive

is a vampire and tragedy is a werewolf.

And this is basically the, like the
TikTok energy of this movie and all of

its songs updated to the millennium.

This was a

Lauren: gift.

Thank you.

I know what I'm doing.

.
Emily: You're welcome.

Um, His, his uh, video for Layer All
Your Blood on Me uh, which is the uh,

the a uh, Vampire one is also a really
great spin on anything can happen on

Halloween from the Worst Witch as he is
close, made up and singing in front of

a lot of really weird campy backgrounds.

So, you know, there's a lot of
love and a lot of references

to things that we love in here.

And yeah, so check those out.

That's on his YouTube,
Brian David Gilbert.

He's also on Patreon and stuff , and uh,
he works with his partner, Karen Hahn.

And It's some awesome
content, so check that out.

Jeremy: Awesome.

Ben, you said Ferme, so anything
else you wanted to add to that or

?
Ben: I mean, again, if you want
incredible, like top tier prestige

television, quality of Vampire story,
AMC's new interview with the Vampire is

legitimately one of, if not like hell.

If it's not the best show of the year,
it's only because fucking Severance

And Sandman also came out this year.

. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

And again, if you want something
that captures the tone of this movie,

I really gotta go with Where will
por mitzvah on the for an hour?

Emily: That, Yeah, that's about it.

That's about right.

Jeremy: Alright.

What I wanna recommend this
week is a movie I watched on

shutter earlier this week.

As I was going through scary movie month,
I was trying to like watch the movies.

I had a list that Rotten Tomatoes
put together of like, buy tomato

Meter, the best horror movies of the
year that I had been going through.

And towards the end of the month, sissy
just like jumped past all the other movies

up to the top as it was getting reviewed.

And I was like, Huh, This,
this one must be good.

I, I should get around
to checking that out.

I checked it out this week, So, sissy
is, it's hard to describe what it's about

without giving too much of it away, but
it's about a uh, a girl who's a sort of

internet, YouTube, Instagram influencer
who like, has a lot of posts about

videos, about mindfulness and just like,
relaxing and meditating and like really,

you know, Being at peace with yourself
and all this stuff, and is, is really

sort of obsessed with people liking her
personality online and all this stuff.

And she happens to bump into an old
friend from elementary school who she

hasn't seen in a long time and gets
invited along to her hens weekend.

This is an Australian movie.

So she gets invited along to this
sort of party that her and her

also female fiance are having
the weekend before their wedding.

And it turns out that one of the
other people that's invited to

this wedding is the reason that the
two of them were no longer friends

anymore and hates Cecilia's guts.

And it's unclear exactly why
other than she has a, horrible

scar on the side of her face.

That's somehow related to Cecilia.

And so like, it, it
immediately gets very tense.

Well, she's trying to like,
maintain her zen calm.

This girl is like trying to call
her out and make her life miserable.

And it takes a few wild turns.

It's both scars and parts,
but incredibly funny.

it's it is not a movie that you're,
you're gonna have any idea what's coming.

And I enjoyed the hell out of it.

So, you know, in the, in the subject of
horror comedies and one that came out

in 2022, so it's less 1990 than this
one it's definitely worth checking out.

So even if you're not a big,
like, scary movie person, it's

definitely one you'll have fun with.

Emily: Um, Thank you, Jeremy.

I was mostly, I, I'm, I have to admit,
I have to confess, That I was very

distracted by this link that Lauren has
shared this article about how the Velma

looking person, the Edith head looking
person in this movie is the actress

is, Uh, nancy Ferguson was the wife
of the front man of Divo, which just

Ben: how did the entire new Wave
music community make a vampire movie?

Lauren: Wait, but then she had her
own band and then she had her own

Emily: band with his brother and
those children from the movie.

Yes.

So those kids from the movie
are the Children of Divo.

Ben: Children of Divo sounds like
the name of a band all on its own.

Emily: I, the

Lauren: band is called Visiting Kids,

Ben: Divo also Sounds like the
name of an Isaac Asma book.

Emily: That's what I'm gonna
call my memoir, Children of Divo.

It's gonna be about all my influence
on my students and how whenever they

try to bring someone like if they
bring a partner to introduce me to I

do a floor show about being a vampire.

And then, and you know, if they pass
that you use that for everybody.

Only use this most special, Jeremy,
that outfit is hard to get into.

Although I will say like Tony Basil,
I still can fit into the clothes

I wore when I was a teenager.

However, they were xl
Danish nails shirts, so,

Jeremy: so specific.

Emily: I was not a team or
I was not a cheerleader.

Surprising.

I know,

Lauren: I wasn't either, so

Emily: I still can't jump.

Jeremy: Lauren if they can't find
you cheerleading, where else can

people find you online if they wanna
learn more about you and what you do?

Lauren: If they wanna see a bunch of
photos of my cats , you can follow

me on Twitter, which is at height.

Susan Lauren h i t z
h u s e n l a u r e n.

And that's kind of where I am mostly.

I talk about my work.

I am a senior editor for the Young
Adult Imprint at Mad Cave Studios,

which is called Maverick, which was
also the name of my high school mascot.

And yeah, I post a lot about things
that I'm watching post a lot of pictures

of my cats and food that I've made.

A lot of, a lot of conversations about the
five tabletop role playing games I'm in.

Emily: That's what social media's for.

Yeah.

Seriously, You said for
what It should be used for.

Pictures of cats talking about your
games and looking at your food.

I don't care what anyone says.

Lauren: You know, I, I have a, I
have a small, I have a small reach

and they all deserve to see my cats.

All of them all.

But I just wanna, I thank you guys so
much for having me on and for watching.

Rockula because this
movie means a lot to me.

Thank

Emily: you, . Thank you for
bringing this movie to us.

I am forever

Ben: changed.

This movie is a joy.

Yes.

Emily: Yeah.

Won't be spreading the
gospel of Rockula . It is

Jeremy: something I would so
much rather be thinking about.

People won't be listening to it under the
same circumstances, but we're recording

this during the, like, votes coming in
on election night, so I so much rather

be thinking about this than that.

Lauren: I, you know, I, I want
to know what's going on, but I'm

in this, bubble of, I get to talk
about the vampire music movie.

It's not a musical, it's actually
like a dozen music videos held

together with kind of a plot.

Ben: The music is detic.

Or non dietetic.

I forget which is which,
but it's one of them.

Jeremy: I mean, I think it's Detic,
but it is still like not part of the

plot, it's just part of the movie.

Like it's actually happening in the movie,
but it's not singing as part of the plot

except for maybe the music video that
starts from like a normal scene and it

turns into a music video . Anyway as for
the rest of us, you can find Emily at

Mega Off on Twitter and at mega underscore
off on Instagram and@megamoth.net.

Ben is on Twitter at Ben the Con and
on their website to ben con coms.com.

And finally, you can find me on Twitter
and Instagram at j Rome five eight

and on my website@jeremywhitley.com.

And of course, the podcast is on
Patreon and progressively horrified our

website@progressivelyhorrifiedtransistor.fm
and on Twitter at Prag Horror Pod,

where we'd love to hear from you.

And speaking of loving to hear from you.

We would love for you to rate and review
this podcast for every listening to it.

Five Stars helps us reach
a larger audience and get

recommended to more people.

And thanks again to Lauren for joining us.

This was really a ball and
thanks for introducing us

to this to our, our new cult

,
Ben: a new cult movie, All hail.

Yes, All

Emily: hail the Rockula.

Jeremy: And thanks to Ben and Emily
Thanks to all of you for listening.

And until next time, he's the dj.

I'm the Vampire

Emily: Speaking of DJs

al: Progressively horrified as a
podcast created by Jeremy Whitley

and produced by Alicia Whitley.

This episode featured Jeremy, Ben, Emily,
and Lauren, all opinions expressed by

the commentators are solely their own
and do not represent the intent or

opinion of the filmmakers nor do they
represent the employers, institutions,

or publishers of the commentators.

Our theme music is epic
darkness by Mario Cola.

Oh six.

and was provided royalty
free from Pixabay.

And if you liked this episode, you can
get in touch with us on Twitter at Prague.

We're pod or by
email@progressivelyhorrifiedatgmail.com.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.