Alicia: Hey, just a heads up the episode.

You're about to listen to is
the covenant directed by Renny

Harlin and written by JS Cardone.

This movie contains descriptions
of spiders and more spiders and our

hosts ranked his movie as spooky.

If you'd like to learn more
about the movie, discuss this

evening, please visit our website
progressively horrified.transistor.fm

for show notes, relevant links
and transcripts of each episode.

After the spooky music, we'll talk
about the episode in full so be

forewarned, there will be spoilers.

Now let's get on with the show.

Jeremy: Good evening and welcome to
progressively horrified the podcast

where we hold horror to progressive
standards it never agreed to.

Tonight's our second week of
pride, and we're talking about a

movie full of magic, mystery, and
men who are allergic to shirts.

It's The Covenant!

I'm your host, Jeremy Whitley.

And with me tonight, I have a
panel of cinephiles and cenobites.

First, they're here to invade
your house and find queer content

and all your favorite movies.

My co-host and comic
book writer, Ben Kahn.

How are you tonight, Ben?

It's not often.

I watch a movie and think,
yeah, this probably could

have just been a dating SIM.

And we picked her up at the
spooky crossroads of anime

and sexy monster media.

My co-host and comic book
artist, Emily martin.

How are you doing at Emily?

Emily: I'm good.

I'm going to take this
movie very seriously.

I'm also The Batman.

Ben: This is a profoundly silly movie
that takes itself very seriously in a

way only mid two thousands movies can.

Jeremy: Oh, absolutely.

And we have two special guests tonight,
first our friend and comic book writer

who said, I have to come and talk to
you all about the covenant, Danny Lore.

How are you, Danny?

Danny: Hey everybody.

What's up?

Unlike everybody else, I'm going
to take this movie super cereal

and I'm really offended that no
one else is going to take it as

serious as me because I like muscles.

Emily: What did I just say?

Ben: Oh yeah, no, there is...

there's a lot to enjoy.

There's a feast for the eyes
so to speak in this movie.

Jeremy: And finally, our friend
and editor at IDW a woman who

I talked into this by promising
shirtless, Bucky Barnes, Megan Brown.

Welcome, Megan.

Megan: Hi everyone.

Sebastian Stan was the
best part of this movie.

Thank you.

Ben: By far!

Whatever entertainment value there
is to be had in this movie is all

squarely on Sebastian Stan's shoulders.

Megan: He was acting in a
completely different movie.

He was like, oh yeah, this script,
I'm going to make it Oscar worthy.

And he did.

Ben: Like he, when he's being the nice
guy, he is the most charismatic character.

Megan: I love him.

Ben: And then we get the
villain twin villain twist.

And he is incredible.

He is a scenery chewing madman and
to the point where I'm like, oh,

this is an MCU multi-verse world.

He's the winter Witch.

This is the one where Bucky
becomes The Winter Witch.

Emily: We also have to
talk about Steven Strait.

This is a movie where Sebastian Stan
and Steven Strait kiss and anime fight.

Jeremy: As we were watching,
cause I sent Ben a picture of

Spiderman lifting the undersea
base from If This Be My Destiny....

And I was like, this is Sebastian Stan
holding this movie up because he is doing

everything he can to make this movie work.

It's not a good movie, but he is so...

he's working so hard.

He's like

Ben: Yeah.

This is what a movie like this
needs is someone who realizes

exactly what they're in.

And it was like, okay, I'm going
to have the time of my life, then.

Danny: I think I advertise this to you as
incredibly evil gay ass Sebastian Stan.

Ben: What I want to know, what
I'm desperate to know is like,

how did this movie get green lit?

Like, no, like Hollywood executive
mind, like, what were they chasing?

Like

Danny: The Craft meets Buffy but with men.

Megan: It was the pitch meeting.

And someone was like, okay,
imagine everything that makes

the Craft great, but instead.

Ben: Yeah.

Who came in and was like, so
it's the craft, but all fuckbois.

Listen, privileged
fuckbois we can imagine.

Jeremy: What if the craft were whiter?

What if Rachel True wasn't in the movie?

Ben: In terms of just like the box
off, like what were they chasing?

Like, were they really
trying to go after the craft?

Like 10 years later?

Emily: I have two words for you.

Ben: Was it underworld?

That they're like, yeah, fucking
anything slightly modern yet Gothic-y

like supernatural, just greenlit.

Just go after that Kate
Beckinsale leather money.

Emily: I don't know how this contributed
to the film being greenlit, but we

do have a producer present whose
name, is Witchblade's Mark Sylvestri.

Jeremy: Boy, it's wild.

So, okay.

Let's talk a little bit about
the basics of these movies.

Cause trying to talk about it
without first mentioning that

it's directed by Renny harlin.

You may know Renny Harlin's name.

He also directed a nightmare on Elm street
Four the dream master diehard two the

adventures of Ford Fairlane cliffhanger,
cutthroat island, the long kiss goodnight.

Danny: The Long Kiss Goodnight and Deep
Blue Sea are incredibly important and

I cannot believe you were like saving
that til the end, chronologically deep

blue sea, the best ever dying speech.

It's a perfect scene.

Ben: It is LL Cool j's
best movie by a mile.

Jeremy: He also did driven.

He also did mind hunters
Exorcist the beginning.

And most importantly, perhaps he
is responsible for Jonathan Cena's

first film appearance in 12 rounds.

Ben: There are moments of this movie that
are definitely like inventively shot,

but then there's like moments where it's
like, oh, these people can bend reality,

but here's 10 minutes of them just
throwing like fart balls at each other.

Jeremy: Yeah.

And it's written by J.S.

Cardone who also wrote Shadow
Hunters we talked about and a lot

of other movies, like the sniper
three and puppet master and.

Danny: And prom night.

Jeremy: Yeah.

The remake of prom night.

The 2006 remake of Prom Night.

Danny: It was funnier the way I said it.

Ben: We managed to get through the cast
list without talking about Taylor Kitsch?

Emily: We're not done
with the cast list yet.

Jeremy: We haven't done the cast list yet!

Ben: Okay, showing the performance
that would get him cast as the

lead in battleship one day.

Jeremy: Okay.

So we have Steven Strait, ostensibly,
the main character in plays Caleb.

Danny: You've got to
say their whole names.

Because their whole
names are works of art.

Ben: Yeah.

I honestly feel like Sebastian Stan,
Toby Hemingway and Chase Crawford

all could have worked as names for
these fictional super rich playboys.

Emily: Steven Strait couldn't because
that's not what this movie is.

Jeremy: We also have Toby Hemingway
playing Reed Garwin, who is the shitty

boy, witch who's part of this group,
who it seems like is going to be pot

important at some point, but never is.

As you mentioned, Taylor Kitsch is in it
playing Pogue Perry which I don't know

where they pulled that name, but he.

Danny: The fan fiction they wrote
about Friday night, light a year

before I'm a thousand percent sure.

Jeremy: You didn't have any you don't
have any Pogues in your school growing up.

Emily: Just the ones I listened to.

Ben: Taylor Kitsch is
visibly very late twenties.

And this movie, he looks incredible.

He is like walking sex appeal
like when he's got no sleeves on.

It is laughable with these
people playing at age 17.

Emily: Oh,Steven Strait
is just like fucking 19.

in this.

Megan: Wait really?

Emily: Yes.

Megan: No!

Emily: He was born in 1986.

I looked it up because I'm
like, how the fuck old is he?

Cause I'm looking at him now
and I'm like, he is still baby.

He is 100% baby still.

Jeremy: The idea that Taylor Kitsch
is older than the other people in

this movie is insane because he
literally could not act his way

out of a paper bag in this movie.

Danny: Which is bizarre because I
love him in Friday night lights,

like he's legit enjoyable.

He's not the best on that show.

Jeremy: He approaches his lines in
this movie, like he does not know

English, like he's just reading
words he doesn't understand.

Ben: Him is supposed to be younger than
just Steven Strait is fucking amazing.

Emily: I can't believe Steven
Strait is younger than me.

Jeremy: Also.

Emily: It makes me upset.

Jeremy: The fourth member of this group is
played by Chase Crawford, his character,

his name is Tyler Sims remember it
carefully cause we'll never say it again.

He's also there.

That's his function is to just
kind of be the fourth guy in the

scenes because I guess we need four.

Danny: That's the craft.

I bet you, he had a plot and
they completely cut it out.

Ben: Yeah.

It just seemed like they were introducing.

It's like, oh, these are the disposable
ones who have Sebastian stan is

going to kill during the movie.

And then that just never happened.

They They just weren't even victims.

Emily: Rachel True's usual character.

She plays in this movie.

Yep.

But not Rachel.

True.

Yeah.

Jeremy: I was talking to Danny about
how bizarre the female casting in

this movie is because there are
two like teen female characters.

There is Sarah Winham, who's played by
Laura Ramsay, who is the new girl from

out of town who used to go to the public
high school and is now transferred into

this rich elite, private high school.

Ben: AKA, the main character of the dating
SIM version of this story is coming in.

And now there's just like a variety
of hunky witchy boys to choose from.

Yeah.

Jeremy: So, and then there's Kate, Tommy.

He played by Jessica Lucas, who is
the insider dating with Taylor Kitsch

character who knows all about everything
from the inside and has sort of this

like bratty history with everybody.

And for some reason, she is
the black character here.

And like, Sarah is the white girl with
the traditional, like black girl coming

into a all white environment story.

And for some reason, like Kate is the
only black person I think, in this

entire movie and in an elite, very
white, very rich, like private college.

And that is never mentioned.

It's real weird.

Ben: This movie feels like it
put together a dark academia mood

board, but that was as far as I got.

Not just some rich dudes going to do some
magic, and they're big on sweater vests.

Danny: So last time I blew
everybody's minds about random

connected things to movies.

It was that DMX at one point was
supposed to be in the Crow Lazarus.

This time I'm going to inform you about
the covenant prequel comic released

in 2005, by top cow, Aaron Coleite who
wrote ultimate X-Men and ultimatum stuff.

For some reason, they decided that
this prequel it's like camp adventure

with the other boys at 13 years old.

Unfortunately, 13 year old boys with
unlimited powers are bound to experiment.

Ben: Okay.

Okay.

I mean, the second at first I
thought you were going to say that

VIN diesel was supposed to be in
the covenant and I'm like, as who?

Emily: This movie is really
interesting because it makes

the magic sound like drugs.

Covenant: What will it
take for you to get it?

It's addictive you moron.

You've seen what it
can do if you abuse it.

You want that that's your business.

But if you use in the open, like you
did tonight, you risk exposing us all.

And that I won't let happen.

Emily: But everything else is
about abs and dudes like looking at

each other and, trying to just be
dudes, you know, guys being dudes

.
Ben: The power system works like
dragon ball system, where if you are

stronger than someone, by measure of
just whatever, like magical strength

is, then all of your attacks are
super effective against somebody else.

And you are completely invulnerable
to any attack they can throw.

It is pure.

Just, I am stronger in
magic level than you.

Covenant: My power is greater than yours.

Not until you ascend.

All right.

Go for it.

Tough guy.

Jeremy: I do want to say given
that this movie has these weird

ties to top cow and image.

That's a spawn system is actually
how the magic works and this

is, they have unlimited magical
power in a limited supply.

At some point it's going to run
out and they're going to be dead.

Like they could basically do
anything except they can do more

anything once they turn 18, I guess.

Emily: Yeah.

So like you have two magical puberties.

You have your 13 magical puberty and
then you have your 18 magical puberty

when you choose your masterclass
or excuse me, your procedure class.

And then, you know, you get
your like extra powers, right?

You don't get an outfit upgrade,

Danny: I want RP in the
system is what I'm hearing.

I would just use fate accelerated
because it would work and I don't

have to have rules to my magic.

Emily: Yeah.

And you can just hadouken people.

As the exposition mom tells us,
she's like, don't use too much power.

It will make you age like crazy.

So what do we do?

What do we do with our powers?

We make books, float.

Books that we could pick
up with our fucking hands.

Ben: Maybe it's a magic
b he book of damnation?

Jeremy: It looks real fucking heavy, man.

So just to hit it real quick, IMDb's
summary of this is four young men who

belong to a new England, supernatural
legacy are forced to battle a fifth

power, a long thought to have died out.

Meanwhile, jealousy and suspicion,
threatened to tear them apart.

Emily: I mean, that's a lot of qualifiers
in a small, in like two sentences, but

I mean, what else are you going to do?

Ben: I mean, that would imply that
the non Caleb characters are developed

enough for this group to be split apart.

Danny: My real question about all of
this is I can only assume the budget to

pay all of the guys who are starring in
the WB shows at the time is the reason

that this isn't a werewolf movie, because
this is a werewolf movie by all rules.

Cuz it even makes more sense that
they like go to their full werewolf

Gloria at 18 than it really does
having a second magic puberty.

And it's, they definitely act
more like a pack than a coven.

Emily: Yeah.

Danny: But I'm just like,
maybe it was just that budget.

They're like, you know, if we get Chase
Crawford to raise his eyebrow in the

back, we have to pay him per eyebrow.

So you see, like we don't,
we can't do a transformation.

Ben: It was, I feel like if they got to
where it was, they're like, no, there

can be no, there can be not an ounce of
body hair on any of these characters.

Emily: Yeah.

Like making them all hairy, I
think was the deal breaker there.

Ben: It was really surreal seeing
Sebastian Stan, that clean shaven.

Danny: That was that whole time though.

Cause he was also gossip girl.

I know this cause my sister was obsessed.

I can't believe I know facts
about the gospel, the gossip girl.

He was basically like the fuck up like guy
who like showed up for a while in a poncho

because it made him look hipster and then
destroy people's life with a sex appeal.

So the same thing he does on every
show, except he wasn't crying

because he was a closet gay, which
was the other character he played.

Emily: Is this Sebastian Stan?

Danny: Yes.

Emily: Okay.

Ben: His character here is
neither crying nor closeted.

Emily: That's true.

Jeremy: The opposite of both
of those things throughout.

I feel like.

Megan, I feel like you have some input on
the, yes, Sebastian Stan of it all here.

Megan: I don't know what to say.

I love him.

he plays a very specific care.

I feel like all of his
characters are queer.

I'll just say, I feel like
credibly very often, just like,

I'm going to make this man queer.

And he adds a whole nother
level to the movie, you know?

Cause yeah, like around this time
he's doing also Kings, right?

Danny: Yup.

A lot of crying, a lot of gay.

Megan: A lot of gay.

And then he goes to
political animals and he-

Danny: He's playing the same character!

Megan: Playing the same character.

And then he plays Bucky, so.

Danny: Enough said.

Megan: Filmography 10 out of 10.

Emily: No, I haven't done any sort
of deep dives on the filmography

of most of these people.

Because I know Steven Strait from
the expanse and the expanse is weird

because like, I mean, I guess someone
was like, Steven Strait looks really

good when things are blue, so we're
going to put them in blue stuff.

I dunno if he's never been anything that's
in anything that's not blue, but I mean,

he looks real good and everybody in this
movie is also like really made up, like

even the guys have like five layers of
foundation and you know, that's cool.

Jeremy: They have highlighter on
their hip bones in that pool scene.

Danny: Yes they do.

Emily: Their little hip hugger
swimming panties were incredible.

Jeremy: I felt embarrassed
watching that scene.

Like I was watching it by myself and
I was like, holy crap, how are they

supposed to be swimming in these things?

Like I've seen Olympic swimming.

The, these things do not have
enough stretch for them to swim.

Emily: Yeah, those things
are like about to fall.

Like, I guess they're just
Velcroed to their balls or

something, so they don't fall off.

Ben: Just thinking about that.

It would hurt so much.

Jeremy: The only thing I know
Taylor Kitsch from is being

gambit in the bad Wolverine movie.

Danny: That's the wild bit about this
movie is if you were watching any of

like the lead guys, like, I wasn't
like a Chase Crawford fan, but like,

he was very good at playing the role
that he was playing on his show.

And like, all of them were very good
at what they did on their shows.

And then they gave them a director,
which was at least nominated for, I

was trying to count on, I lost count
nominated for five Razzies for five

different movies for worst director.

Megan: Good for him though.

Ben: I didn't think he was super
enjoyable and ah, true detective season

two, but nobody was good in season two.

Even people that are like good
in everything it's like they made

Rachel McAdams not very enjoyable
in true detective season two.

And Rachel McAdams is a delight.

Danny: But like Taylor Kitsch is
one of the leads of Friday night

lights, like at least originally.

Right?

Like, I don't remember if it
changes in the later seasons.

So it's really bizarre how bad he is here.

Again, he's nowhere near like the
best actor in the show, because like,

especially some of the adult characters,
you're just like, they're just really

great to watch, but you're like, there's
a different level of, oh, this is what

happens when a director doesn't give you
any thing that is happening on this set.

Emily: It's almost like the director is
trying to make them as wooden as possible.

It feels like they've been forced
into just reading lines back.

Like, they have no idea how
this could even be acceptable.

Ben: There's a moment when they're
breaking into the admissions

office, when he delivers the
line, what did she say about Kate?

Why won't she call me back?

And it is the most wooden delivery
I'm like I had to rewind and just

be like, you're sure you don't
want to give that one another take?

Emily: It's not very good dialogue.

It's just, they were not
dealt a very solid deck.

Ben: I'm not surprised that the
villain gets to be the most fun one.

But God does Sebastian Stan
have the best fucking lines.

They're ridiculous and crazy
lines, but they're the best lines.

Jeremy: Some of them were so bad.

We will almost certainly at
some point again quote his Ms.

Muffet line.

He's almost killed this girl
using spiders and her boyfriend

is going off to find her.

And he just standing in the road
waiting for his motorcycle to

come down the road with him on it.

And he's like going to save little miss
Muffet and like, it's the worst line.

Covenant: Come to save little
miss Little Miss Muffet, have we?

Well you're too late!

Jeremy: It's the worst series
of lines, but he leans into it

so hard that like, that was the
point where the movie won me over.

But I was just like, yeah, this is
dumb enough that I'm on your side.

Now.

Ben: He puts so much emphasis
on the word "muffet".

Covenant: Little Miss Muffet!

Ben: I was standing.

Like I was standing applauding
at just how hammy a villain

turn that line was heralding.

Emily: Oh, I was speechless.

So this movie is bad, but it's delightful.

I actually found this film
a lot more delightful than I

thought it was going to be.

Ben: Oh yeah.

Like this is a bad movie, but it's
a fantastic one to like, watch with

friends, like have some beers on a joint,
like you're passing around and like,

watch this and just like have a blast.

Emily: Brett and I had a blast and I
actually wrote down a bunch of his notes.

So, some of my jokes are his
I'm going to say that right now.

I won't tell you which ones, but.

Danny: That's the way to do it.

Emily: Yeah.

I will say that Sebastian Stan's
character in this movie whose name?

I can't remember anymore.

Ben: Chase.

Emily: Chase.

Oh, right.

Ben: Which is very confusing because
Chase crawford is in this movie.

Emily: That's why I was confused.

He does a really good job of
just like making plot happen?

Ben: I think there should have been way
more scenes of these privileged kids who

think they're invincible being absolutely
like terrorized and attacked and in

one, or maybe two cases actually killed.

And instead what the movie actually gives
us to flow with that plot is just like,

ah, a dead kid keeps just showing up
and being a little creepy for a moment.

Emily: And why is he dead?

Because of Chase, I guess?

Jeremy: Before the movie started
this kid has died for some reason.

Megan: You know, that really
good way to tell stories.

Ben: I thought the implication
was like, Hey, your ID was found

in like the back seat of the car.

I'm like, ah, you were making out,
you were doing some good old fashioned

high school, hook I don't know.

Decided to do some magic murder.

Emily: I mean, maybe he just like
magically fucked him to death.

Danny: I believe that for
every character in this movie.

Emily: Yeah.

Like you gotta be careful.

Ben: Yeah.

Banged to death by Sebastian, Stan.

What a way to go.

Danny: Uh, I volunteer as tribute?

Ben: Death by snu snu.

Danny: So at least for me, one of my
loves of this movie is not just because

I've watched the craft, but I see the
way this movie could have been good.

And not just because of Sebastian,
Stan being just Sebastian, Stan.

cause you seriously it's got
the inception issue for me.

Inception has a bit more
quality work behind it, that

it has a concept that is huge.

And then they go so safe with it, right?

Like, cause you got inception where
it's like, your dreams are so normal.

Like the weirdest thing that happens
in your dreams is that you walk

upside down, what are you doing?

Ben: No, I do believe that the
craziest dream Christopher Nolan

has is James Bond set piece..

Danny: It's just repeatedly the train
scene and the bus scene that is in

both inception and Batman scene, like
literally frame by frame it's the exact

same scene in the middle of the street.

And that really broke me for a little
while that he just got away with that

because I'm like, it's the same scene.

Jeremy: He loves public transport.

Emily: I don't know how he did
it in a interstellar because

there were no trains in there.

Although they did make the singularity
kind of look like a train station.

Jeremy: I mean aren't shuttles
technically public transport?

I mean they are government run.

Danny: Like that's the thing
about this movie though, right?

Is that like between 13 and like 19, you
give someone ridiculous amounts of power,

then you make several of them and then
you make them spoiled rich white boys.

And

Ben: I, I hate to praise this
guy's work, but this movie

needed to be more like Chronicle.

Emily: Watching this movie for me
was kind of refreshing because I'm

like, at least we've come this far.

Like at least the Kraft legacy had
some, self-awareness, you know,

even though it was so mediocre,

Ben: Nobody outside of Sebastian.

Stan is self-aware in this movie.

Jeremy: Yeah, I it's so clear
that at some point Sebastian Stan

realized this was the craft and he's
like, oh wait, I'm Fairuza balk.

Like

Ben: Yeah.

This is why when you watch the
screen movies, you always want to

say like, which actor is going to
get to be the killer because whoever

ends up being the killer, he gets to
have like just wild amounts of fun.

Emily: Yeah.

Jeremy: So, uh, do you guys want to talk
about the plot of this stupid movie?

Emily: Yes, and I wanna talk
about the soundtrack real quick?

Ben: Oh my God.

Yes.

We have to talk about the soundtrack.

Jeremy: Literally it
starts with white zombie.

It starts with this remix of more human
than human which I feel like, like

carbon dates, this movie in a weird way.

Ben: It's weird about this intro.

By the end, they run out of images.

So they have to start reusing a few.

Emily: This is one of
those like crazy montages.

Like they're trying to be the
fucking mimic or whatever.

They're trying to be artsy, which
is no, they have the the canned fire

sound effect the multiple times.

Ben: For a movie that is a CW plot
with Zack Snyder color palette.

Emily: Oh my God.

Megan: The credits got me real pumped.

Danny: Yes.

Emily: I mean, it was fun, especially
the Rob zombie, like it wasn't off

putting for me, it was more like,
okay guys I know where I am right now.

Ben: It's a wonderful way to instantly
show you like, Hey, with this music.

This is how you're supposed
to watch this movie.

This is the ride you're on buckle up.

Jeremy: Yeah.

So we, we meet them atop a cliff as
they gathered to watch teens party

below, we meet the sons of Ipswich
which is not the coolest name.

I mean, okay.

This is also where we get our
intro of Sarah: Love interest.

Who is for some reason, central
to the plot of this story.

I have no idea, any defining
characteristics about Sarah.

She's almost like the
Bella Swan of this movie.

I have no re I have no idea why
Caleb likes or, or what it is that

anybody finds interesting about it.

Ben: Like I totally get Sarah's purpose
and is in a version of the story that is

again, much more modeled after Twilight
where the romance is front and center.

This isn't a romance movie,
but it's not an action movie.

I feel like this movie just falls
somewhere between underworld

and Twilight in a way that

Danny: It's a fan fiction dot net movie.

Ben: Yeah.

Danny: If you think of Sarah
as the writer of the FIC, her

lack of personality makes sense.

She exists in a world where these
characters already exist and she's

introduced herself as the, and I say
this to someone who has written these,

I'm not shitting on anyone who wrote
these y'all will never know my seven

different old fanfiction.net accounts.

Emily: Subscribe to our
Patreon to find out...

Danny: But like she's legit that
character that you would write as like

a self insert and introduce to a cast of
already existing characters who doesn't

truly have like a full personality,
because all the personalities in your

head, you don't need to give it to her.

Emily: Yeah.

You are her.

She's the dating SIM
protagonist essentially.

But I will say she does like Joan
Jett and I think that's important.

Jeremy: The kids, the kids from
2006 just fucking love joan Jett.

Emily: Nobody doesn't love Joan Jett.

Okay?

Ben: My favorite musical thing
in this movie, isn't actually

any of the music in here.

It's that in one of the hallways
of the school, someone has a deaf

from above 1979 poster on the
wall and that band fucking rules.

Emily: Yeah.

Ben: I wish there was actual
death from above 1979.

The music in this movie.

Jeremy: Maybe this is
Rennie Harlan's favorite.

So this is also where we get our intro
to new guy Chase who uh, I guess is

transferred in we'll find out later
that he is transferred in because he

murdered his stairs, foster parents.

Ben: That's how admissions
to private school works.

I think,

Emily: Yeah.

I'm pretty sure he just he's like
combining everything with my control.

Cause I think like all of this shit is
like him being like, I, yeah, I'm going to

make that guy say that I need to be here.

Ben: Okay.

I know he had that thing about later on
he says like, I'm real good at car crashes

talking about how he killed his parents.

But all I could think was like, dammit,
winter soldier, are you talking about?

And like the Stark's again?

Jeremy: Okay.

So we get teen partying
it's short and boring.

And then the police show up to break
up this party and we have a police

chase as everybody attempts to leave.

And some people's cars don't work.

And we ended up with all four of
our uh, magical boys in the same

Jeep running away from the cops.

And toward a cliff.

The cops are very nervous about
this we get a lot of shots of the

cops inside going to do they know
it's a cliff or actually they're

using their best Boston accents.

Ben: Yeah, I'm not exactly sure
where in Massachusetts has this giant

cliff, but I'll assume it's somewhere.

Jeremy: I assume this is what
beaches are like in Massachusetts.

It's just a cliff.

Just a cliff to the ocean.

Ben: It's not dover!

Emily: Listen, it's everywhere.

Someone had the quickening in this movie.

So there has to be a cliff.

Danny: This movie needed Methos.

Yeah.

I should've worn my Methos shirt today.

Yes.

Next time.

Emily: So they show up to
this party by jumping off of a

different cliff to the party.

Ben: They insult Harry Potter
which I got to say just from a

box office, movie perspective.

Bit of a punching outside your
weight class there, the covenant.

Jeremy: They end up evading these
guys by driving off a second cliff.

They enter from a cliff
and exit from off a cliff.

Emily: That's what they parked
their car with all the other cars.

So when they showed up, when their
car to this gathering, they park

the car, then wind up the cliff
so they could jump down the cliff.

Jeremy: This is the first time I
think that their remarkable lack of

originality in what magic does shows up.

First they float off a cliff and
then they're escaping from the

cops and they evade the cops by
flying the car off of a cliff.

And then.

Floating back over the cops, there's
a mist and landing behind them.

They could just take
off and continue to fly.

They could do any number of magical.

Ben: Yeah.

They really need to do
extra magic to fix the car.

Cause their suspension is definitely fuck.

Emily: Those cars must be fucked
all the hell because like you see

them magically doing shit to cars.

I don't think they know how cars work.

They don't like, I don't know
how Steven Strait managed to

get his car to like reassemble.

Although I thought that was one of the
best like idea effects in the movie,

but I pretty sure the car just like
went out of rendering range and so

just respawned back where it started.

Like that's how that works.

Ben: I always loved the idea of magic as
like cheat codes or glitches and reality.

Not that movie explorers that
I just apropos of nothing.

I just thought that's it.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Jeremy: It's going to be one of our many,
this would be a better movie if yeah.

Emily: I mean this, the plot
of this movie is so fun.

It's just, it's so hard
to keep track of it.

Ben: What if this movie was also Hackers?

Emily: But listen, like that
is the nice thing about-

Danny: That's brilliant!

Jeremy: What if this movie was also hacks?

Emily: I think this movie is
hacked, but the thing that I'm

getting around to here is I forgot.

I oh, the plot is about as memorable
as the thing I was just trying to say.

The plot is so thin that it is
like the dating SIM where you're

just like projecting whatever.

And that's where the enjoyment
is because you're just projected,

like, how does this work?

I don't fucking know.

This is where like fine art films and like
bad movies, like kind of meet around that

circle of just like incomprehensibility.

We were like, oh, now this
is an interactive experience.

And now I can be like, oh yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Sounds good.

All right.

Ben: I think would have really helped.

This movie is like two or three more
scenes where the mom just gets a

monologue where she's belligerently
drunk and angry about magic.

Jeremy: That's where we, that's.

What we get next is Caleb gets
home and his mom just like, just

has a block of exposition that
she really needs to drop on him.

She's an expedition
machine, also an alcoholic.

Um, She's worried about Caleb
ascending, which he'll do and like

in indistinct amount of time, when he
turns 18, we're just coming up soon.

He's the first of this group.

And we, you know, find out
about these sons of Ipswich.

As soon as all of this exhibition
comes out, it's immediately

clear what is going to happen.

And also in a way that doesn't make any
sense, because we find out that they're

called the Sons of Ipswich because
they're descendants of the five original

families who signed onto this covenant.

And there are, this is actually
delivered by best friend, Kate.

these are the four sons of
the five original families.

And that, I guess the oldest son and.

Like in each family is in each generation
is the only one that gets magical powers?

I guess, fuck everybody else.

And they very carefully said that
there are five families and four sons,

because they say, oh yeah, the we,
we think the fifth was, maybe sort of

dead during the Salem witch trials.

We don't really know.

Ben: I cannot emphasize enough in
terms of Caleb being the oldest.

Yeah.

He absolutely looks
older than Rod and Tyler.

Pogue looks like the adult that
they have buy beer for them.

Emily: Wait, so they're different, like
they're from different families, right?

Yes.

Okay.

So they're the oldest kids, but the only
one that seems to have parents is Caleb.

Danny: Also, I don't know how family trees
or genetics work in this because there

should be really large families at this
point or where, ? Who are they marrying?

I have a lot of questions that I
choose not to ask or get answered.

Ben: The parents.

I, they do say that Caleb is the
only one that actually lives like

at his house and the, all the
rest of them live in the dorms.

Cause we have to be a dark
academia boarding school.

Presumably they also like their parents
also just live in this Massachusetts town.

They just don't feel like
seeing their kids, which yeah.

That checks out for wasps
parents in Massachusetts.

Yeah.

Jeremy: Caleb

lives in this water processing facility
that we're pretending is a mansion.

That's literally what it is a
water processing facility, does

not look like a mansion at all.

Emily: Fancy full of taxidermy
water processing since facility.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Yeah.

The inside is the only part that
looks even vaguely like a mansion.

We get a lot of this exposition
between Sarah and Kate, who both

are in the dorms at this school.

Emily: The scene might as well
just be them having a pillow fight.

Megan: I have so many thoughts
about the scene it's like,

they're ostensibly like children.

Right.

And they're both in like lingerie
and it made me, I was so upset.

I was so upset by the
male gaze is the camera.

And then I kept thinking, I roomed
with people all through college.

We never were like, let's get our lingerie
and talk about the sons of Ipswich.

Ben: You never ever wore your
see-through pajamas to talk about...

Megan: Them with like the bathroom,
like backlighting me so that you

could see like literally everything.

Yeah.

Danny: You know, I mean, I
did, but I've married her.

So that's not- that's cheating.

Ben: Different, better movie.

Emily: Yes, absolutely.

Jeremy: Sarah, we'll also just
lay around her dorm in panties

for a giant portion of this movie.

Yeah, I dunno.

It's just like, she just sits around
reading and listening to her friend

complain about her boyfriend in like
a blou sey top and panties throughout.

Megan: And it's so weird to me too,
because I feel like these scenes

are shot very much like, oh yeah.

Okay.

We're in the male gaze but then I feel
like the scenes and like the pool.

I

Danny: it's like, it's just in the gaze.

It's like, it's really WB in that
way in which just like, it's like,

we know somebody is drooling to this.

We don't know who, but we're
going to make sure it happens.

Ben: Only knows how to
objectify human beings, but it

objectifies all human beings.

Emily: It is pretty equal opportunity
in this objectification of young people.

Yeah.

Jeremy: Honestly, it is likely that these
girls wear lingerie to bed than it is that

these guys swim in whatever these fucking
bathing suits are that they're wearing.

Emily: They're tube tops for
their bottom is what they are.

They're like tube bottoms.

Ben: Yeah.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, like all the guys make
sure to make sure all the men like

the sleep, like with no shirts
on north blankets that definitely

don't come above their pecs, like
blankets, pecks below pecks and below.

Danny: So one thing that we haven't
made clear yet, which if someone

hasn't seen this movie, they have to
understand ostensibly, aside from a

couple of scenes, this entire movie is
sort of from the girl's perspecthive.

Then they suddenly remember that
she has nothing to do with the plot.

Ben: That ostensibly Caleb is the
protagonist and Caleb doesn't quite

have as strong an arc as he needs.

Caleb's attitude about
his power doesn't change.

Emily: Yeah.

He doesn't learn really
any lesson whatsoever.

But he has the same, like,
self-sacrificing, it's really weird.

Jeremy: It's like he's
playing a Taylor Lautner part.

He's just like very self serious and
unemotional for no reason, but also

spends a lot of time just staring
meaningfully into the distance.

Emily: His character and the expanse
is basically what they want this

character to be, but fail horribly.

Like they, you know, they want this
soft boy, like baby faced protected.

And I

Danny: watch it.

Emily: These fans is really good.

It's well, we'll talk about it.

Ben: I want to watch it with subtitles on
because I tried to watch it without it.

And I'm like, everyone is whispering.

Like intense whispering.

Emily: Everybody is whispering.

And then there's also like, they have
a, like a special form of Creole.

Is it the the people who
grew up on the asteroid.

It's really cool world building but yeah,
like if you want a baby face, protagonist,

Steven Strait is so good with that.

Which is why I think that the
D the director is forcibly

making them be mediocre somehow.

I don't know.

Maybe he's just like, no,
do it again, but worse.

You didn't flex enough.

Jeremy: Who's going to their head.

Ben: Yeah.

I feel like it's also, like, this is
supposed to be a group and it really

seems like Caleb is essentially like,
you know, the Leonardo responsible one

like but then half the group has very
little to do or almost any fleshing out.

So you don't get to see that kind
of personality in really conflict

or balanced out with other main
characters, which is what you do.

So you just kind of end up with There's
a reason why, you know, there haven't

been too many solo Cyclops series.

Jeremy: Yeah.

I mean, this, this team has
basically Leonardo Raphael

vanilla and French vanilla.

Like, it's just.

They, they really push this
dynamic between Caleb and

Reid early on in the movie.

The Reid is using all of this power
in responsibly, and that he's going

to burn himself out, that this
is like the big defining thing.

That's going to tear their group apart.

And like, they even go as far as
to have them have, you know, a

bar fight here shortly about it,
and then it just doesn't matter.

Like none of it matters other than the.

Reid using his power as a convenient way
for them to not know who's doing a bunch

of magic throughout the early stuff.

Cause we also give them this
reveal now that like this boy

is found dead at the party.

And he's in a car by himself.

And nobody knows what
happened to him or why.

And they will forget to tell
us anything about it until

almost the end of the movie.

And then we go from there to just
having uh, the obligatory Sarah shower

scene where she has stalked by a ghost.

This is never actually followed up on.

We don't really find out who is doing it.

I'm assuming, because he's the bad
guy it's supposed to be Chase, but

it could just as easily be Reid.

Ben: Yeah.

Given what's happened to before this
there's every reason to believe.

It's, there's more reason for it
to be Reid than for it to be Chase.

Jeremy: Including it Reed shows
up at the end of the scene

like this it's just there.

Danny: Unless Chase is
literally just that X.

Everything is explained by him
being that X to Caleb, because

then it's absolutely him.

Ben: Oh yeah, no, I absolutely believe
Reid is the kind of fuckboy who'll

be like, I'm going to be a ghost and
just haunt and girls in their shower.

And then when they come out scared,
I'll like appear and like comfort

them from the ghost that is me.

That feels like a Dennis Reynolds movie.

Jeremy: Sarah also goes to the shower,
down the hall from her room in this

giant, Victorian castle that they have
school in without any clothes, she

doesn't have to like take her underwear

Megan: to this shower.

The thing that killed
me was no shower shoes.

Ben: Oh.

Emily: She's like crawling
around on the floor, kneel down.

Megan: I was like, girls stop.

Yeah.

Like get out of the bathroom.

Danny: The Butler it's not here.

Please don't know who you don't show you.

These boys are not cleaning the floors

Megan: when Reids.

He was like, let's just
go check it out again.

I was like,

Emily: yeah.

Yeah.

I think it was explicitly supposed to
be Chased that was like creeping on her.

I mean, it may have been both of them,
but I know that is what woke Caleb up.

Cause he woke up at some point
he needed like all sweaty and

he's like, and then Nexion.

Yeah.

Cause they have deep, meaningful
connection, which we find out

with their eye contact later.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Caleb, ostensibly thinks it's somebody
killing this guy that wakes him up.

But yeah I guess it's whoever's
doing ghost stocking here.

And really,

Ben: I

Danny: definitely think that it is a
Chase, but Chase is setting Reid up.

I think that's.

What it is

Emily: or Reid is actually
Chase in disguise.

Danny: Better movie.

Emily: I mean, who knows?

Yes.

Shower though.

I will say like, you know,
the fucking marble everywhere.

Jesus sharing of the Vatican.

Danny: That, which money, I guess,

Emily: That w excuse

Jeremy: you.

I mean,

I've never private college or
private high school, but I guess

this is just what showers are like

Danny: in, they wear shower shoes.

Emily: This private high-school shower
situation is so fucking bananas.

Like this is, this got some
weird Hogwarts vibes, but like,

Jeremy: I got a four light bull
chandelier in the middle of the

Danny: white guys are all
those private colleges.

The white boys don't have shoes on
when they're like walking from class to

class and like in the grass and stuff.

But no, everyone wears the
shower shoes in the shower.

Ben: Even white people know to
wear flip flops in those showers.

I'm not saying they're going to suck their
legs, but they know to use flip flops,

Emily: putting the Haagen horrible.

Anyway,

Danny: that hurt me
the sorts of the Danny.

Jeremy: So the next day uh, I guess
investigating random shit, just being

out and about Caleb is driving in is
a fancy sports car and sees a, sees

the dead kid in his car as some sort
of vision we'll, we'll learn later.

This is the dark darkling.

Covenant: Um, the phone
man, what's going on.

And I saw a dark link is in
the form of that dead kid.

They found the Dells.

Yeah.

So I was pitched you this morning.

The newspaper sent you
a dark line and no idea.

Sometimes I can feel it.

Look, we got to talk to me tonight.

I'll probably be a Nicky sourcing then.

Jeremy: will not learn what the fuck.

That means.

So he crashes his car into the
front of this logging truck.

And I guess is able to put together
some sort of fast spell to disassemble

the car and then reassemble it on
the other side of the logging truck.

The logging truck just
keeps fucking going.

Ben: I'm going to count it.

That's a Joe Joe reference.

That's a real diamond is unbreakable shit.

Yeah.

Emily: This is, this shit gets so anime.

that's another thing about this movie.

And I've had like the dating stemness of
it, like down to the point where they use

magic to check on a girl's panties, even
though they're all like very homosexual.

Okay.

Megan: Okay.

Ben: The bit where they're doing, like,
we were going to be just fucking horrible

pigs and like bet on a girl's underwear.

And then like we'll flip, lift
up her skirt in a public setting.

Megan: I was just gonna say that.

I think that this is their entire
budget went to this one scene.

Um, So that's what special effects
at the end are so incredible.

Incredible in air quotes, because
this is so important to the movie.

It's this dark Lang that we see and reason
the car disassembling and reassembling,

if all of the magic in the movie was this.

Cool.

Yeah.

Imagine, yeah.

Danny: I want to see the original
script for this movie because

there are so many spaces.

Where I'm like you removed
something here, right?

Like, what was the thing
that you removed here?

Because I feel like the car gives
you that moment of, they definitely

had other cool magic stuff lined
up and had to cut it for budget.

So what was that stuff?

Ben: Yeah, definitely.

The final battle had to have been
wakeful on the script and they

were like, we can afford air.

We can afford CGI air bubbles.

Like, can it be a
bubble, the bubble fight.

Emily: They don't even shine with chi.

Like I would have battle auras.

They don't have batle auras.

Like, this is some Naruto ass shit.

Like it's

Danny: never, would never,
they would have that auras.

Emily: Oh no, I'm saying
that's what I'm saying.

Like, this is, this really wants
to be Seminara to us shit, but just

didn't have, there are no auras, like.

Ben: Just the, like the kid, just
the relief I felt when they started,

telekinetically throwing pitchforks at
each other, just for it being some kind

of creative use of powers using the
environment and not just like taking

turns, throwing CGI, bubbles at each
other that just arbitrarily take turns,

deciding which one of them is stronger.

Emily: And they spend a lot of
money on shit, like CGI books

floating around instead of, I don't
know of cool effects at the end.

And also setting up this whole thing about
like, you have to be careful when you

use your power old or it'll wear you out.

I mean, they could have also introduced
an idea of, okay, you use the power

and then you're tired kind of thing.

No, they just say it'll
age you up really fast.

Maybe.

If you're that guy.

Ben: It's not like we start seeing
Chase start to age and I find battle.

I get told these things without
really being shown, but I will

say in terms of effects and I know
who we're skipping all the way to

the end, but in the final attack.

And then there's the explosion.

And then Chase is sucked
into the explosion.

10 out of 10.

No, No, it's perfect.

Special effect.

Emily: Yeah, no.

I mean like they did it right a few times.

So come on.

.
Danny: I wonder if it was face of a
classic issue of the face contract.

I bet you that either Reid or poke at
some point were actually supposed to be

aged, but all of those actors, like every
actor of that time and they still do this

would have the no face effects clause
in contracts where you would have to see

like, so you notice how like, especially
like it still happens now, but there are

certain actors who like never get more
than a scratch on their face in a movie or

never have a full fledge, like S makeup.

That's part of their contract because it's
like, their face is the reason they're

getting paid and they're going to push it.

I assure you that most of those
guys had that in their contract.

I

Emily: wonder if that was the deal
for the dad and Freddy's revenge.

Megan: Yeah.

Ben: He only got the one scratch.

It's not like it's not even that, that CGI
bubble is like a horrible, special effect.

It's just the final battle is so
incredibly over-reliant on it.

And it does really feel like,
okay, I know you wrote all this

crazy stuff into the, or final
battle, but this is the one effect.

We still have money for the budget.

So this is what we're going to use.

Emily: Yeah.

Ben: Like if it would just
been a couple bubbles, like it

went to even been in my mind.

But when it's that a couple pitchforks
and then CGI spaghetti, which I also

enjoy, which I did enjoy mostly because
Sebastian Stan was just like chewing

the shit out of that scenery , it's
just like, it's weird that nothing

of a car scare is so much more, a
spectacular show of magic than our entire

final battle against our two ascended

Danny: wizards.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It also makes sense that that is more
interesting because it, the car scene

feels like someone knew what teenage boys
were like, like if you give teenage boys

unlimited power and they fight, there's
no magic bubbles, like, like that's just

like, I know I'm thinking back to me,
give me super powers, but I have a magic

Katana attached to optimist Prime's arm.

Like I'm going to do whatever

I want

Emily: the power of God
and anime on their side.

Ben: Harry Potter runs into this
issue where with, as freewheeling and

permitting as their magic system is,
and with everything that I can do.

And yet it's still most of the
fights just boil down to like

red beams for screen beams.

Emily: Yeah.

And again, there is this idea that
there are supposed to be stakes,

which are absolutely ignored.

Except in the case of this
like transfer, which apparently

relies on words, but we'll get

Megan: there.

Jeremy: Yeah.

So let's talk about the best date ever
where Caleb runs into Sarah addict,

convenience store, and then it's like,
Hey, you want to come hang out with me.

I'm going to go by the creepy barn
and see the caretaker and our scary

old obviously haunted mansion.

Will that be fun?

Shoot at them.

Ben: Yeah, this man who either
has terrible vision, but can also

see that there's someone else in
the car from like 70 feet away

Danny: the movie already.

So he knew he was trying to save us.

Emily: It's like, maybe if I
shoot them both, we can all

be saved this embarrassment,

Jeremy: yeah.

He knows the points out.

The old Putnam barn is if he
knows that's where the climax

of the movie is going to be.

And he's like, and there's
where the climax is going to be.

Ben: Like there should've been
some like, limit to the magic,

like, oh, you can't undo death.

And then like somebody, and then
like the girl dies at the end.

And like, you know, you
break the rules of magic.

Like there weren't like, I don't know.

It just doesn't feel like the limits,
like of like the aging that didn't really

play into Caleb's arc or end up really
playing a practical role in this story.

It wasn't like, they were told
like, Hey, this is the one thing

you can't do set a thing up.

That's what they ended
up doing in acts three.

If that makes any sense
or I'm just a rambly.

Emily: No I get that because there's no
real connective thread that makes anything

with the dad really feel like it matters.

You know, other than like, oh,
he could do this the whole time.

Apparently if you say I will, my
power to you, no matter what, you

can pull your power to somebody,
they don't have to be there.

It's like the fucking
Gosar or that goes Arion.

Like you just pull whatever you're
thinking about gets your power.

Ben: Like, I feel like they had to
introduce the extra rule that if you

will, your power, you die because Caleb's
characterization by that point, it's

like, why wouldn't he give up his power?

He's clearly way more worried about.

Addictive and destructive side effects,
then the benefits of having it, like

this seems like a good get out of
jail, like a good out, but then they

introduced that like, no, you'll die.

So then we have stakes again.

Jeremy: Okay.

So hold on.

We have to get to the bar scene.

So like going from the house,
Caleb was like, oh, do you want

to take a shower and get dressed?

Cause we're going to go to the bar,
basically hanging out with my friends.

You talk to your friend in the background.

They proceed to like he and
Reed are getting into a tense

situation over the fact that Reed
is using magic to win it pool.

Also we have the scene where several
of the group used magic to bet on

a weather girl, what color girls'
panties are, turns out that she

doesn't, she's not wearing any uh,

Ben: ha pitches, the awfulness of his
line, that girl hasn't worn panties.

And she was 12.

Ah, I, I

squirmed,

Emily: yeah, that was close.

I hated

Megan: the hall.

Ben: And

Jeremy: weirdly the most
believable delivery of any line

by Taylor Kitsch in this movie

Ben: finely well

Emily: delivered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's very conflicting
because his arms are,

Danny: his arms were almost as good
as Sebastian stands acting almost.

Yeah.

I wanted

Emily: his, like I just wanted
his own arms to punch him and be

like, shit, this is about me now.

Danny: Just be quiet and hold me.

And maybe this movie

Emily: will get good.

Yeah.

Just flex me there.

In this weird conversation
between the girls.

I did like that.

Sarah, I guess Sarah was her name.

I did like, Sarah was like, I'm bored.

Why are we just sitting here
watching them play foosball?

And Kate's like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah, that's yeah.

Way to go, Sarah, like actually
questioning the bullshit

that's happening right now.

And then she's like, no, I'm going
to do a fucking coyote, ugly dance.

Danny: I'm fairly certain
that line is the only line.

Anybody who worked on the script
of this has ever heard a woman

say, because it's the most
accurate to lifeline in the bright,

Emily: but what about boys and their toys?

That's something I've heard
girls, same commercials a lot.

Megan: So this scene goes through a whole

Jeremy: breakdown here after this, whereas
she uh, is going to win the party over.

So she requests a quarter from her
friend, Kate so that she can go

put it into the two box and play.

Joan Jet's hit.

I love rock and roll.

The kids are just Gaga four.

At this point in the

Ben: 2006, I love that the entire bar just
stops and sheers when this song is put on.

Emily: Here's the thing, right?

So this is a dive bar for
starters, like this is the hot

place to take your date, a diaper

Jeremy: for underage teenagers.

Oh,

Ben: we get that passive aggressive dig.

Like aren't you going to change?

So

he can take her to a die for brights.

Emily: Cause like I was expecting
it to be fancy because like they're

all in fucking the getting ready
to go to Harvard or some shit.

And they're all like in their
little school uniforms and whatever.

And they get the, this, all of
this important social stuff happens

in this very important place.

The dive bar.

And if switch Massachusetts.

Okay.

Like I would have preferred
to stay in the woods.

Thank you with the dude shooting.

At least that's exciting.

And we're doing this together rather
than just me watching you play foosball,

which I'm like not even air hockey.

Do you guys have samurai showdown like

fun,

Jeremy: yeah, let him Rasul let's see.

Sebastian, Stan, right?

A fake bull.

You know, it's a dive

Emily: bar.

If we're going to be in a dive
bar, let's fucking go whole hog.

So to

speak.

Ben: I love that Nikki, the bar
tenders seems to be the only person

in this town that this cabal of
privileged, which boy is like, seems

to respect, which just maybe were like,
what kind of magic is Nikki packing

Emily: a bat.

He also was involved with a goatee.

So therefore he's generation
X and therefore outranks them.

He probably told them the cool
stories about how he was in a band.

And I think it's super red.

Danny: Also.

This scene has nothing to do with
this girl's personality as shown

in any other scene in the movie.

Yeah.

There's no other scene in
which this girl exists.

Megan: Like

Danny: this girl is not that love interest
is not like not the love interest.

It's like they almost introduced
manic pixie energies there, and

then decided that took away from the
magic pixie energy of the covenant.

Right?

What the kept the scene in.

And that's really my question
for most of the movie.

Why did you keep the scene then?

When did

Emily: you make these choices

Megan: and the biggest scene?

Any

Ben: scene?

Why didn't you leave this scene?

Emily: We want to ask why

Preacher Why: Y Y Y yeah.

Emily: defend yourself in court?

Now the court is not,

Ben: did this guy think like I'm going
to pitch this and I'm going to negotiate

down to CW series and then somehow
it ended up being an actual movie.

Yeah.

Jeremy: Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, I mean, it ends in a writer
when Ken going out and having a

fight in the back alley and Ken gets
thrown through the wall of bottles.

They just have hanging out back there.

I don't

Megan: know.

Jeremy: So I don't know.

Megan, do you have anything on
the bar scene that you wanted to,

Danny: he wants to explain what
happened to what we are narratively

Megan: I think yeah, I'm I was

really baffled by the song choice

and then that

was, that's the Mo that's the most
incredible thing to be about the same,

but I also do want to know that Sebastian
Stan's character at this point has

just been like, oh yeah, like, I'm just
going to be part of your friend group.

And as someone with like social anxiety,
I'm like, man, the power that he has

to just be like, oh yeah, I'm here now.

And we know that he's probably
mine controlling folks, but I

just think he's real special.

Ben: Does he even need
to mind control folks?

Like, I feel like at that
point, like he's so charming.

Like it's just like, fuck.

Yeah.

I want this guy, my friends

Jeremy: charisma.

Megan: Yeah,

Danny: he absolutely has.

Yeah,

Emily: because he actually.

Isn't made of

Megan: wood.

I love

Ben: the provost being like just
calling people and being like,

Hey, you being nice to Chase.

They say having a good

Megan: time,

Danny: he let me out to
give a call to call you.

So please tell me he's okay.

Jeremy: This, you know what the
song should be in this movie, in

this particular movie in 2006, it's
fucking butterfly by crazy town.

That's what should be

Megan: dance?

Ben: Oh, fucking shit.

Like I love like the confidentially too.

I just, you fuck it away.

You ain't seen this kind of shit before,
but I am Joan Jett's most well known song.

Jeremy: This is also where they
go real hard on using magic is

just using, because they need you
to know that this is a metaphor

Megan: for drugs.

I've metaphors that we get,
that they don't carry through.

Emily: And just like we're using it.

It's addictive.

Covenant: Keep using like you did tonight.

Like you said, last night when you
ascend you'll be as good as dead.

So it fixed her car.

Big deal.

Don't play me Reid.

I'm talking later and you
know it, the hell I do.

I mean, use later.

Danny: What is it?

It's like about five years
after season five of Buffy, by

the way, which, and season six.

So it, yeah, it's almost five years
after season six of Buffy, which

means the, the, the drug metaphor.

This is just a really extended
version and painful version.

Like the toenail yanking version
of the Willow plot in Buffy.

Emily: But we get to see the abs.

Ben: Motivation is, oh my God, can you
imagine Willow with abs, oh, sorry.

That's an aside like Sebastian sand's
motivation is that he starts to be angry

because he didn't know about any of this.

And he was just like adopted an orphan
that like, he was just given this

incredible power without being told about
the drawbacks of it until it was too late.

And he was suffering
during those drawbacks,

Covenant: you see what the problem here?

I like to use a lot.

Oh me, no one ever told me about the
affects the damage, the addiction.

And we both know what happens now.

Don't we?

So

Ben: But he's not
suffering those drawbacks.

Jeremy: Dare to keep a witch off
magic, just put it out there.

Megan: Why was the fifth family expelled?

Jeremy: According to this, they just
thought that they had died in the Salem

witch trials, which if they had been
expelled, that would make so much more

fucking sense as to why he wants revenge.

Danny: Oh, so they have
so much power and no one

checked,

like let me DM them on the mystical plane.

Ben: Right.

It's not like, oh my God, there's so

many magical beings and
they're spreading out.

It's like, it's just one.

You said to keep track of one family.

Jeremy: Nobody made a
fucking Cerebro for this.

Ben: Yeah.

Magic to make us Cerebro for.

You can do that.

You can sense each other.

Like, that's the thing that's
already established sense.

This fifth magic over 300 years.

Emily: Yeah.

Like nobody thought about

till now.

Right.

And they've all stayed
in this community too.

It's all like fade.

They're all over the place.

They're all like still in Ipswich.

And like, I guess if they move away,
they lose their powers of some shit.

I don't know.

Which

Megan: sense as to why they say yeah,

Emily: So apparently Chase's parents were,

Benefactors,

maybe like it's not, but they died.

It's

Jeremy: unclear.

Chase's dad was still
alive when Chase found him.

But I guess he had been given up for
adoption or something or maybe he was

just with his mom and his mom died.

And then he ended up with these foster
parents and then, you know, adoptive

parents and killed them so that somehow he
could, somehow that got him access to this

school, his parents dying, I don't know,

Emily: to the school or something.

Ben: if that's their donors,
then you can go to the school

without having to kill them.

I'm not sure where it's like,
step one, murder parents.

Step two, question mark.

Step three, attend private \school.

Danny: It's got the real vibe at
this point of the plot of people who

think writing a white book is easy.

It does not read like a white book.

It reads like someone who thinks
they know how to write a white

book because they don't think that.

Teens will notice this, but that's all
they notice is abs and logical fallacies.

That's all teenage Drew's are made of

Emily: Easy, logical fallacies

Jeremy: nails and puppy, dog tails, boys,
logical fallacies, and abs teenagers.

so he, Caleb takes Sarah home and
they have this real meaningful

scene in the car where he's like,
you're the only girl I've ever taken

out there to this shitty dive bar.

We are deeply in love after me knowing
you for one day zero personality.

Emily: You're the

Ben: only girl I brought to my
creepy barn who shoots at us lambs.

Danny: which is worse, honestly.

Emily: Yeah.

Ben: I give you the privilege
of coming to the creepy barn.

Emily: He was saying like, I'm going
to run some errands, and then he

makes the choice to take her out
there and to where, you know, Gorman

is fucking shooting at people.

And he's like, ah, nah,
it's just good olds Gorman.

Don't worry about that.

I'm just going to take my
girlfriend into this incredibly

uh, unpredictable situation.

Sounds great.

Jeremy: Except

my girlfriend for one

day, one day,

Yeah, this whole, his whole
profession of love and I mean,

they can make out, that's fine.

The profession of love part here where
he's like, you're real special, you

know how you have been around for a day.

I like that about you.

Well, Apparently they all get scared off
when the next night, when that night she

has dreams about spiders, everywhere.

Hundreds of spiders, thousands of spiders.

Ben: I know it shouldn't be, I
know like spiders coming out of

the faith, shouldn't be scary.

But we recently watched queen
of black magic, which gave us

centipedes coming out of ice sockets.

Danny: all of this is scary.

I don't like any of this stuff.

These are cute though.

Not

Ben: I said millipedes are
cute and which fucking is it

Danny: Emily,

Emily: but they're both cute.

But millipedes are cuter than centipedes.

That's.

This did happen once to Brett's
mom, actually, this, the

spider is all over the ceiling.

So don't tell me that.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Alicia triggers for this
episode, we talk about spiders

Jeremy: everywhere.

Yeah.

That's the only trigger warning I
wrote down for this movie is spiders.

Emily: We do have the F slur as well, but

Danny: yeah,

Ben: we do,

Danny: unfortunately,
because what year is it?

2006,

Emily: eights.

Crappy little

Ben: brother.

Unfortunately it's comes in.

What is easily like the
gay scene of the movie?

Jeremy: We finally get into
the school during a school day.

Like we're halfway through
the movie at this point.

And finally we see a class.

They're going to learn about
literature, including Stephen King.

This is where our, where should
shitty Reid, gets real excited

about reading dream catcher
because somebody said Stephen King.

Ben: Oh my God, the dream catcher line.

That was insane.

Like no Reid dream
catcher is not the shit.

He was like, we're going
to do Stephen King.

Oh yeah.

Dream catcher.

No.

Get the post out.

Reid

Jeremy: that literally sounded to me.

Jay from Jay it's on the Bob saying
Affleck was the bomb and Phantoms.

Ben: We're doing the
shining you fucking maniac

Emily: probably didn't even read it.

Just watch the movie.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Danny: Spoken like someone
who's watched the movie.

Ben: They're having offscreen like
magical roofie, terrible misadventures.

Like they're just awful.

Somewhere off screen.

I passed the imagined

Emily: guys being dudes and they just
decided to like, you know, suck each other

off, but like dudes do totally straight
away and it totally straight away.

Apparently we, like, there was no
natural way to get the characters

to hang out with each other.

We needed a character in the film
to be like, you guys should hang

out.

Right.

Ben: Also I it's wild how much this
movie makes you hate eight Reid to

then have nothing happened to Reid,

Emily: right?

Like the movie forgets
about the other guys

Danny: in a big way.

I wanted a big dramatic
physical burnout scene.

Yeah.

Pogue should have had like, rather than
like the hospital thing, Chase should have

tricked him during the fight into using
more power so that he burns out that dust.

And then it sucks because you're
like Paul was closest to deice.

Like they're all assholes, but like died.

Like, because you fucking
touched his girlfriend.

And like, so he was like, fuck you.

But no, like it's just, okay.

I deserved one turning to the ashes of the
dead death from overuse of power in this.

And it is up there with betrayals,
like not getting mine controlled

duke in GI, Joe, which I is my
number one betrayal in any movie.

Ben: yeah, like it feels we're robbed that
all four of them make it out of this movie

Jeremy: is clearly supposed to go.

Like he's the guy who was using
his power irresponsibly and thinks

he's stronger than he is and
wants to talk shit all the time.

Danny: supposed to die and you're
supposed to think it's over.

And then you get the villain reveal.

Like that's, what's supposed
to happen there, feel it.

And you never get it.

Emily: Yeah.

Cause even the IMDP thing says that the
tensions rise between these guys, like

know there, Reid, and Caleb have kind
of a beef, but the tensions between

the pack or whatever

are pretty minimal of a plot point
compared to Chase being there and

being like, nah, I miss muffin.

Jeremy: And frankly, why would

Tyler not dying?

Cause he does nothing else in the movie.

Like he's there to die.

Okay.

So now we're at the pool.

We get to see these
outrageous swim trunks.

You can like clearly see all like the
bottom of all four of these men's abs

and their hips poking up out of these
swim trunks that they're wearing to swim.

Theoretically,

Emily: we're seeing most of the
Mons pubis, as far as, I guess

Ben: there is a little left to
the imagination, as they say,

Danny: the movie has completely
forgotten the age that they're

telling you, these characters are and
completely dressing them for the age.

The actors for the most
part are supposed to be.

And like if you're part of the audience
of 13 to 14 year olds that were

supposed to be watching this movie and
discovering that they were incredibly

gay or discovering that they're gay
and girls, and while watching this.

Like that's perfect.

That's excellent.

But then for everyone else, you're like,
you know, this was weird, what it was

gossip girl and Buffy it's weirder here.

But while this

Jeremy: thing is followed by a mass shower
scene on the levels of like movies that

take place in a women's prison, like it's
that kind of like number of people in the

shower scene and they have clearly CGI
steam into this scene to cover up what

I'm assuming it's just a plethora of dicks
in this scene because there's a lot of

guys just facing three quarters front,
like showering as this camera's going by.

And there's just like strategically
placed WAFs of steam going by.

And it's

Danny: it is mostly Crawford has like
that come here, their eyes, but he's

kind of staring down at Taylor's catches.

But when he's doing that look, they're
trying to smush as many of the big faces.

They clearly filmed this cause this
was also a huge part of the trailers.

So they clearly filmed this scene
with the trailers in mind because

they try to shove as many of the guys
shirtless into the realm of the camera

as possible so that they can just get
a couple of shots of as many of them

shirtless in the same scene as possible.

But it's just, then they're
just staring at each other.

Yeah.

And then the

Jeremy: CGI uh, steam goes away and
a, for you to just get a full on shot

of Reed's ass as he's walking off
the camera following on behind him.

Ben: That's, Reed's biggest
contribution to the story.

Jeremy: And then,

We

have this, do we call it
a confrontation between

Aaron, the six, six man in the movie?

He was there just to be shitty and Chase.

Ben: Why does Erin keep being shitty
to this group of people that because of

magic, he is without a doubt, never gotten
the upper hand on ever at any point.

Like if I was getting my ass handed to
me by magical, like cosmic every time I

tried to fuck with this group of people,
I'd, I'm trying to fuck with them.

I do believe Erin doesn't
understand pattern recognition.

Emily: Erin is the lowest possible
person on this totem pole that we can

be happy about punching Sebastian,
Stan, and then Caleb being like,

Hey Sebastian, Stan, let's hang out.

I guess like, that's the logic that I'm
seeing the movies trying to convince me.

Jeremy: Jeez, gets an Epsilon,
thrown it in by Aaron.

And then he delivers this line to
Erin, which I feel like only he

could have pulled off, which is this
about the thing between your legs?

It looks like a Dick, but smaller.

And Erin throws him against the wall,
the locker, and sexually punches him.

Danny: I'm going to be real.

The slam on the locker was in
the credits or in the trailer.

And the slam is why I saw the
movie as someone who loves the homo

erotic energy of werewolf movies.

I saw that and when they don't
know it, but they're werewolves.

And I saw the movie and I went I'm right.

That's a good slam on the locker
will like sell me on a movie.

I have really low standards.

Ben: If there's just some tropes
that you just never get tired of that

you're just always there for some,

Jeremy: the energy with which
Caleb then enters this scene

of a, like, leave him alone.

Aaron he's mine kind of
energy is really a lot.

Danny: The territorial
pack, werewolf energy.

I'm just saying that
scene works perfectly.

If they're not witches.

Emily: I mean, they can
be which werewolves,

Danny: which bulls, which Wolf's
why wolves, why will, there's a

good description of this movie?

Why not?

Why not?

Because your hairy

Emily: and hairless wolves are upsetting.

Megan: It looks like the cat.

Yeah.

Jeremy: So Chinese proceeds
to beat him up on his own.

And then he and Caleb are now best
friends because they fought bullying.

And they'd never seen each
other obviously naked.

why is this movie determined to use
the term darkling without explaining

what the fuck it's supposed to be?

Again, shows up in Caleb's room and
then later like, fucking poke is

like, oh yeah, I saw this thing too.

Danny: Yeah,

Emily: there's no like, so the kid
it's like the, and there's some weird,

special effects that are used here that
are also in a lot of the cards for the

movies and like the ads, like a lot of
the movie cards and like preview trailer

images really focus on this kid is quote
unquote darkling, which is just a fucked

up ghost of the kid that died in the car.

For what reason?

We don't know why it's why it's
important, why it's called a darkling.

Of course we never know.

But obviously it's significant.

It's significant that this is happening,
but we're just like shit out of luck.

Megan: Warn them about Chase is that I
felt like they never really like tell us

Emily: that.

I guess we just are

Danny: supposed this would make more
sense if you took the girlfriend out and

poke is the current boyfriend, because
otherwise like it's only obligatory,

like there can only be one that Polk is
even really involved because there's, it

really truly feels specifically targeted.

Like it does not feel.

Like Chase cares about the
rest of them on any level.

Emily: Like he straight up tells, poke
later, like, yeah, I don't give a shit.

I just wanted to hurt you.

And, And also hurt you to
get to Caleb because of board

Danny: or whatever.

He shouldn't have a specific target
unless he was going for revenge because

they decided to kill his family because
they got way addicted and whatever that

would have made sense, because then
he could have targeted the specific

descendant of a specific family.

Yeah.

But he just want to kill all of them.

I got favorites.

It seems like

Ben: evil.

I like, he Chase also seems to be
like, oh, I just need to kill you.

Like kill you.

I'll let me kill you.

And I won't kill the

rest.

But then like,

why wouldn't he isn't his whole plan?

Like, if I just keep taking power,
whenever I get whatever I started

getting old, then I'll be okay.

But even then, that's not like
confirmed because kills all deals.

Like, dude, that's not
how the power works.

Like

Emily: yeah.

Well He

wants Caleb to, will him, his power at
the time of his quickening or whatever

is essentially seems to think that

Ben: Mariam power will also will the
life force, which even Gail does.

Like, there's no indication
that's how that works.

But again, it really doesn't work
that Chase's motivation is that he's

trying to not suffer from consequences
that he's not suffering from.

Emily: I mean, I guess he kind of turned
like tries to slam Caleb into a wall

while they're having the swim meet.

Ben: Yeah,

Jeremy: that's

Ben: just straight up a concussion.

That's oh, I did not like

Danny: that.

Emily: Good thing.

You can push it back
together with this magical.

Ben: Oh, that just the skull on
the wall, the pool did not like,

Ooh, that looks like a, Ooh.

That was real head injury.

Emily: Yeah.

So this next scene is there, have
they have their pool, race and

Caleb challenges Chase in a very
heterosexual way to a pool race.

And as they he's, they're
smoldering at each other

Jeremy: and looking up at each other
over the water and even though Kaitlin

is the best swimmer, as we've heard,
Jason's actually keeping up with them.

And at one point, Caleb looks over at
Chase and Chase does the magic eye effect.

And then Caitlin crashed
head first into the wall.

It was uncertain whether cigs causes him
to do this, or he just does it because

he's distracted by the magic eye effect.

But distracting.

And then I guess Chase
dragged him out of the pool.

And then Kate

gets a bunch of spider bites off screen,

Megan: again, the best
way to deliver a plot.

Jeremy: Yeah, the actual horror
of this movie, like the first, the

dream sequence, where there's a
whole bunch of spiders, all on screen

scene where somebody gets bit by a
bunch of spiders, it happens between.

Emily: Oh, and then this is apparently

Sarah has been able to suss out that the
spiders have something to do with the X,

which families, because of the witches and
something about the, one of the guys had

a spider Fang that he did or something.

Megan: She did The Twilight
like research montage.

Yeah.

Danny: Yeah.

Emily: And there's a cool picture of
a hand coming out of a cloud with a

spider in it, which I got to say old
school, like medieval grimoires and

shit, and like tarot card illustrations
with the hand coming out of a cloud

with something it's fucking fantastic
aesthetic and also real great a

metaphor for the structure of this film.

So just want to shout out there.

Anyway, kate says, oh yeah,
the whole witchcraft thing.

It all started here.

So all witchcraft

started there.

Ben: No further questions.

No, no additional
world-building necessary.

Emily: And the

defense rests.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Also witchcraft definitely thing
isolated two oldest sons in this movie.

Not a problematic character at all.

Yeah.

Ben: I'm not exactly sure what
to make of witchcraft as an

entirely patriarchal power.

Megan: Yeah.

You know, it was just like, what
else can white CIS men in Hollywood?

Like, I, it just wild craft

Ben: dude, seeing the craft and
being like, this is ours too.

Emily: I

do want.

Excuse me, Danny, like you said,
there is a, there is a good movie

that could have happened here.

Like this is the, these are the
ruins of a possibly good film

Danny: were incredibly gay and they
never would have let it happen.

Yeah.

Emily: There was a film that would
never have been green lit, but like

a gay ass movie where the, it is
the craft and they like worship,

Gay God.

Danny: I don't know.

W you've already told me you don't
have to sell this any further.

Emily: Like either

it's just fit back from it.

And they're just like, look at this
goat guy with, I mean, it's not a

guy, it's a it's a Baphomet as theirs.

They are a Baphomet.

Ben: I wish everything had been more
hard into like this dark academia

setting of the Eden, a KA of the academy.

And I wish it had gone a little, I
wish I had gone harder in the DAC at

dark academia and yeah, I w I wish we
had gotten like like reading a Chase

Crawford, like had gotten terrorized
in the war and either or died.

Danny: Yeah.

Jeremy: Which was more a story.

Unless a collection of

Danny: scenes.

I wish that there was more justification
for why they've actually convinced

teenagers to care about dying young.

Right.

Because if at 18, none of them, like
the thing that would make, like,

you can make an argument that, okay.

The reason why you get Caleb as the main
character is because he's mature enough,

unfortunately, because of the sins of
his father to like, have to understand.

That like not dudes were like
actually mortal, like, and

that's what makes them special.

Like you have something like that or you
have him go through the, I don't want

to die, like dying young and powerful.

Like the Scarface way is not the way.

Right.

But like, and you could have done
that by going a bit more hard angle

in how they interact with adults.

Right?

Like how do they, how do
the adults limit them?

Right.

If it's literally just a, we
don't like getting addicted to it.

How do you stop a bunch of
18 year olds from doing it?

Like, are they, are the
adults scared of them?

Do the adults have some sort
of like actual ability to

like punish them in any way?

Because by the logic of
the movie, they don't.

So like a 15 year old should be mayor.

Like I don't.

Yeah.

Like I should be fucking,

Ben: I think this might be where we run
into the issue of the other characters.

Fathers don't appear.

Cause one thing we don't really
get a good sense of is okay.

We see that Caleb's father age super fast
and the impact that it's had on Caleb's

outlook and attitudes towards the power.

Is that just like how all of them end
up where they ended up crazy powerful

by the time they're like ancient and
dead essentially by the time they're 40

or are the other characters like, are
their, dad's still like relatively fine.

And then that informs their reckless

Danny: attitude.

Also.

When did the moms get pregnant?

Right?

Like at what point?

In, in, in Chase's and Caleb's father's
life, did he start super aging?

There are so many.

I have questions and I don't
want them answered, but I don't

want them answered fuck scheduled

Ben: that this, that for families needed
to coordinate in order to each have a sign

Danny: like meltdown within the same

Ben: school year

Danny: schedule though,
that I'm actually fine with.

Because again, which magic and things,
they all become like godly powerful at 18.

Them all being the exact same age.

Doesn't bother me because my
brain fills in their witches.

Jeremy: We're now at the Hardy boys
scene where Caitlin and Pope decided to

go poking around in the records to find
out what the fuck's going on with Chase.

Emily: Yeah.

There's a sweet cave.

And then that's when they used
the magic to move books around.

Jeremy: We also like uncovered clues.

That don't actually mean anything
like that is his last name is Pope.

And maybe that's kind of related to this
other character who we've never talked

about before, you know, the history.

We don't know any of the history here.

But they are putting it all
together that maybe this guy

is part of this fifth family.

And the uh, almost get, must
have been stewed a guy and

then floated around a bit.

Danny: Why would they care
about security on any level?

They're literally the most
powerful dudes in the town.

Yeah.

There's

Emily: that covenant to silence.

Ben: It's very

unclear what the limits of their power
is, where it's like, oh no falling papers.

And then the movie very
immediately goes like, oh right.

Absolute power over Matt
and time and matter in

Danny: space.

Yeah.

It's like, is there a covenant of silence?

Are they the most feared people in town?

Are they the most feared people in
town, but no one talks about it.

This should

Ben: be a real like that one
Twilight zone episode or that yeah.

Or that Treehouse of horror short where
it's Bart in place of that Twilight zone

Danny: episode.

Right.

And, but

Emily: the covenant of silence is
established in the beginning, crawl of the

movie as being like, okay, we have to make
sure that no one knows about our powers,

so they don't burn us at the stake again.

But

Danny: who's gonna stop me.

Boom.

Oh, so why

Ben: are they now worried about
being railway like burners,

which is, they are real,

they are rich, powerful white men.

Therefore they will always be fine.

Emily: Yeah.

And then like that is never
brought up ever as any.

Issue for the

Danny: rest of they survive.

They are this powerful and they
did not get revenge on the people

who burned their family is witches.

I don't under what kind
of punks are these dudes?

Like?

They are local, the weak sauces,
powerful people that I've ever

Ben: seen.

I mean, this movie posits that
the true victims of the Salem

witch trials, where power

Danny: fad

Emily: again.

Okay.

So they

Jeremy: find the important the
really important paperwork here.

And then they find out that Kate has
been bitten by a bunch of spiders.

And this is clearly Chase's doing so
poke decides he's going to go, I guess

he's going to the hospital to see
her, but of course he encounters Chase

on the road and decides he's going
to run him over with his motorcycle.

And Chase uses his limitless
power to just flip him over

and destroy his motorcycle and

Emily: put it doesn't
have the reassembly power.

Apparently

Jeremy: I guess, you know, reassembly
how we're only works when you're in

a fiery crash rather than another,
which just twist up your motorcycle.

Emily: Yeah, there was a split
second my battle of the minds there.

And then Chase's reality was accepted.

Danny: Yeah.

Jeremy: Chase has a
much higher magic skill.

He's casting a higher level.

Danny: He's absolutely a source
or it's a Christmas skill.

Yeah.

Jeremy: Yeah.

And so Bogue is out of this.

He's just he's to the hospital because
nobody can really die in this one.

Except for one on named
kid, but he's a dark link.

So who knows what the fuck?

That means it

Danny: wasn't one of them, right?

Like why wasn't that kid a,
which I don't understand.

Use a ginger.

I mean that, that's a day
Walker and that's fair.

Jeremy: Yeah.

So this next scene is unfathomable
to me because what happens in this

scene is that our man, Caleb knocks
on Sarah's door comes in and is

like, Hey, there's been an accident.

We tell you about, you know, what's
going on with with our man poke here

and they sit down on the bed and then
there's another knock at the door.

And they're like, oh, hold on.

Let's go check.

That might be poked, who,
you know, is just run off.

Danny: And

Jeremy: she opens the door and it's
Caleb who is there to tell her about

the accident that Pogue had, but Cam's
already in the room sitting on the bed.

So then that kind

Danny: of disappears.

But then also that Sarah disappears
and that Sarah is unconscious

Jeremy: on the bed next to this
version of Chase that was pretending

to be fucking Caleb beforehand.

Danny: I,

Emily: yeah, like I don't, I can't,
my head hurts thinking about it.

Danny: It only makes sense when
you remember that magic is an

addiction and that Chase is
high as balls this entire time.

Like, oh, we make sense when you realize
that he is literally high on power.

And illusion

Ben: Sarah.

So he could then trick his own illusion
by pretending to be Ellucian Caleb.

Danny: Oh my God.

I kind of thought that what happened
was that he just teleported her.

He was like, okay, game's over.

Emily: He does really like to
accelerate the plot, the scatter.

It's just like, no, I'm going
to show up here so I can give

you exposition and kill you.

Okay.

I'm going to show up here
because your plan is stupid.

And we're just going to go
straight to the denim wall.

Like none of this fucking around, I'm
tired of you fucking around movie.

We're going to do some weird
switchy switch nonsense shit.

And I think the reason for that is just
so Chase could be like, okay, no, I

need you to tell you my master plan.

Also, I have your girlfriend
and I put a spider in her.

Danny: The spider is, might know,
anyway, I'm not going there.

Not going there.

It's

Jeremy: but every man, truly somebody is
going to put a spider and some other guys

are going to put a spider in there, woman.

So,

Ben: I'm not going to lie.

It kind of checks out that
left to his own devices.

Chase's just pretending to
be both Caleb and Caleb's

Danny: express is just playing Barbies.

Yeah.

That's a span

Emily: fiction.

Danny: Lucky's take

Emily: Caleb.

I wrote you this.

Danny: So what's interesting to
me is what then happens in the

scene as he, he puts this spider

Jeremy: in Sarah's ear
and then he proceeds to.

I have the most homoerotic, which battle

Danny: with Caleb, the real
reason we have all come here.

Aside from the locker scene is every fill
in speech from this moment on At no point

Jeremy: at ever sexually medicine, as
Sarah laid out on the bed and has a

spider putting her hair, he is lying
on Keela, like making out with him

forcibly at one point, like just,
you know, kisses him on the lips.

Covenant: Just think of
yourself as a sacrificial lamb.

Either golden boy, why not go out?

So tomorrow night, the
barn where it all started,

it's either you.

Megan: I have a question.

Yes.

Do you think that was in
the script or do you think?

Danny: No, absolutely not.

I so it's either it was not in
the script or once they cut it

out, it's a bachelor sentence.

Fuck it.

I'm doing it anyway.

Emily: Now this movie is enjoyable
and we have to talk about

some of where this is going.

Is it going

Danny: anywhere?

Emily: It's going to their fucking
dragon ball fight and the line.

Jeremy: Yeah.

So, cheese spills, a lot of
explanation about himself.

None of which really matters.

We've kind of got the
gist of it at this point.

And yeah, he found his dad is
prematurely old, so he wants to

prevent that from happening to
him by stealing Caleb's powers.

Caleb's like, dude,
that's not how it works.

It burns out your body.

It's not a magic problem.

and Jesus responds to, this is
basically Baba not listening.

Danny: And his, he, his
reaction is I'm high as bowls.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, it feels so good.

I

Jeremy: like using magic.

Emily: I'm going to shoot it

up and smoke it

Jeremy: to wait until Caleb's birthday.

When he turns 18 and gets the
quickening at which point he wants

scaling to will in that power.

So he can continue to have more
magic, which as Caleb has already

told them, it's not going to
work, but he's insistent upon it.

Anyway.

Danny: If he wasn't high, he would've
understood the best way was actually to

seduce every member of this coven and
then manipulate them into giving into

a vulnerable situation and tricking
them into giving him their power.

Instead of making them all like
hyper aware of what's going on and

failing to actually kill any of them,

Jeremy: it wouldn't be so easy for
him to kill the rest of this, Kevin.

Yeah.

Emily: He could just turn into hot girls

Danny: and be like, I
bet you can't tell what

Emily: panties I'm wearing.

Danny: Death Reid deserved

murder went up the power of girl.

Ben: Like it should've just been a

Danny: nightmare.

That was a nightmare, like

Ben: strangled to death
by panties, or just

Danny: like smothered to death.

Yeah, it's a real like revenge.

Again.

Ben: I really liked the idea of, again,
there's this very privileged group of

like teenage boys with magical powers
who essentially have free reign of this

town, our main characters, the most
responsible one and sees the downside.

We have like the ones who are very
like reckless and irresponsible, and

then suddenly this mysterious force.

People who feel totally invincible and
very privileged start getting picked

off one by one as their own fears and
insecurities are turned against them

as we learn, and a tale of witchcraft,
betrayal and vengeance, like in dark

academia, I'm fucking here for it.

Jeremy: Yeah.

What you're describing as a plot, which
is not something that this movie is

interested in because at this point
to its credit it is less interested in

resolving anything interested in the plot
here than it is Sebastian, Stan kissing

Caleb here and being like, all right, I'm
gonna come back for you on your birthday.

Peace.

he agrees to release Sarah
because Sarah is going to die.

Otherwise Sarah eventually
wakes up and Caleb's like, oh,

sorry, you just passed out.

As soon as I told you that
there had been an accident.

You have fainting spells
didn't, you know, and

Danny: Sarah, oh my dear,
you are just fainting.

Let me get you on your fainting
couch area, which is almost

exactly what happens here.

Salts, I'm a winner, you
know, so I have many of them.

Yeah.

Sarah was like,

Jeremy: are you sure it has nothing
to do with how that you're from an

old family of witches and there's some
sort of witch battle going on here,

which I've unintentionally gotten into.

And she's like, or Caitlin was like, ah,
hang on, let me drive you out again to

my creepy house so that you can meet my
44 year old dad who was like a mummy.

And then they decide to make a plan.

They make this plan off
screen and it will not, no.

Ben: Yeah, I'm still not sure
what their plan even was.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't

Emily: work anymore, but a lot of
people say, Caleb, you should do this.

And he was like, no, it's on me.

Oh, Caleb's like,

Jeremy: I'm going to go face him.

You guys go ahead and go to the
dance and take Sarah with you.

There's no way this insane man is
going to do anything in public.

And of course he then does you
know, steal Sarah while the other

guys seem to literally have their

Danny: back.

Emily: Yeah.

And then there's this weird bit
where Sarah comes down in a pretty

dress that it's supposed to be
like, you know, fucking prom

queen shit, like Cinderella shit.

And it's not like, oh wow.

You look really good.

And then the mom's like, she looks
good Han and they're like, cool.

Yeah.

Anyway you're either gonna
die or age a million years.

Why won't you do right the right

Danny: thing.

And he's like, no, it's gotta be

Ben: only so we can have the
dramatic tension of Caleb losing.

So the thing that Caleb says
no can happen can then happen.

But only at the most tense moment for
narrative, like three act structure.

Danny: Right?

Yeah.

Jeremy: So, I mean,

Ben: cause otherwise Caleb could
just been like, yeah, sure.

Let me have my dad give me my powers
and then I'll just show up and I'll

just be Chase right at the start of it.

I had to wait for the most like
dramatically tense time for Caleb's dad

to give him his powers and then like
turn the tides, which is all he needed.

Even though everyone was
like, Hey, just do that from

Danny: the

Emily: beginning.

And apparently the dad
will give him his powers.

Cause you selfish, which is like

Danny: nobody asked nobody.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The mom there is powers.

His body is

Jeremy: just burning
out like they've said.

And the bombs like, I guess the
only way we can handle this, the

only way you can beat this, which of
unknown amount of power is if you're.

Gives you a, his power.

So the mom is executing.

This plan.

Goes off the face

Danny: Chase.

I will finally be rid of this man.

Yeah.

Clearly who they just kind of
like magic is an addiction, but

then they use, then if you go that
metaphor, they just literally use

a drug addict as checkoffs gun.

Yeah.

The only way wildest

you have

Jeremy: to give him your cocaine
to go with his cocaine so that

he can keep his other Coke feed.

Danny: If I lose my

they literally like there are pans
father having burned out because

he was super addicted to magic.

Not even the, oh, I've
seen what had happened.

What happens when you use magic?

Even for good, because he saved
me and my mother from a burning

train with this power that like
aged him drastically, like instant.

No.

They just kind of lay,
like, what does that mean?

Was he then literally raised by someone
who was like having a mental breakdown?

It's not the world that Chase comes from.

Is that a very different world from
the rest of his like friends that like

using the magic makes you crazy, like
Chase then Caleb's life was terrible.

Yeah.

Ben: I'm pretty sure Chekhov's
drug addict is the title of the,

Danny: yeah.

Sorry.

So they then,

Jeremy: so, so Chase is going
to make him give him his magic.

Because he has his girlfriend things are
catching on fire during this fight and

she has sort of floating and spit roasting
over this tire throughout the scene.

Danny: Yeah.

And then, because Caleb was on his way

Emily: to, I think go to the dance
and then Chase is like, I don't

know, maybe he was just the artist.

Jeremy: I was going to the barn.

Why we do not know what his plan is.

I guess he just going
to give it up or fight.

I

Danny: don't know.

They think that they're doing the Buffy
wearing fates clothes showdown, but

they don't actually make that clear.

So it's just it's like, we're going
to where it all began, but it only

began here because I said it began
here rather than like anything

substantial with Chase happening here.

Like

Emily: yeah.

This.

So they can do the
quickening there or whatever.

Jeremy: Y all, like, all of this makes
no sense, but it is somehow also the best

scene in the movie because Sebastian,
Stan goes full fucking ham in this scene.

at one point he's rattling the whole
house and everything is thumping

around and being all hunted.

And then it stops and
he goes, Ooh, witchy.

And then proceeds to tell Caleb that
he's going to make him his, we watch.

Covenant: How about your water go?

And I let you live out your life.

How about I make you my wee-otch?

Danny: I really am sad.

We did not get that world building.

How does one become one?

Yeah.

Is it marriage?

Is it servitude?

I must know.

Jeremy: This we arch line in any other
hands would just sound like a Dreamworks,

a pop culture reference that doesn't work
with like a you da ant kind of thing.

But smash and Stan is just
so beyond any of that.

They throw balls of air at each
other for a while and they break

some shit and things catch on fire.

And then Caleb gets as quickening
in the middle of this and uh,

lightning strikes him and Chase's
like, oh yeah, that's a good stuff.

That's what

Ben: I want.

Yeah.

I forget the cord that plays
with the lightening strike.

Jeremy: And that's

Emily: understood.

That's what happens

when lightning, like
that's what thunder is?

Danny: Guitar, guitar, riffs,

Emily: sweet ribs.

Danny: again, if Chase had any sense or
any brain, he would not have made sure

that Caleb was combat ready at the exact
point that he needed to seal the past.

Yeah.

He could have just brought
out and been like, yo, let me

celebrate your birthday with you.

Let's get completely blasted.

Yeah.

And then it came into
saying the word, right.

Sam Edwards.

But I dare you to say these words,
dude, I dare, you bet you won't it's

like telephone it so that, like he
says a phrase that like, sounds like

it when you're like slurring drunk.

Yeah.

Nailed

Jeremy: that.

Yeah.

So they he, if you were

Emily: going to, will
your power to somebody

Danny: that you're talking to, you
have to do is ask them a be real.

Yeah.

Jeremy: So you can price your power.

And then he gets the power transferred
from his dad who then dies.

And it's enough to finally blew Chase up.

Sort of like he throws an explosion at
him and the explosion then sucks Chase in.

And Jace has not seen again.

In fact, we will learn shortly thereafter
that they don't find any kind of body.

So, you know, theoretically, if they were
building a franchise, Jace could return,

but there's never going to be a second.

One of these,

Emily: the second

Danny: one

Ben: hazard, they're very just
like, oh, what is his, I let's

get out of here movie over.

Danny: There's at some point,

Jeremy: Caleb had to have a
conversation with the police.

That was like, I definitely
didn't burn this barn down.

And there might've been somebody
in it when it did burn down.

I don't know for sure.

But

Danny: tell

Ben: like, look, I need to know,
are you a thousand percent sure

that there's no body there?

Which again, there shouldn't be an, I
have no reason to think there should.

There wouldn't be,

Danny: but are you sure that it isn't.

Jeremy: Yeah.

So Caitlin, just rush back
into the building to a safe,

as to spit roasted girlfriend.

And we just jumped forward
to the next morning.

Ben: Don't say it that way, Jeremy.

Jeremy: She was sitting there
dangling, twisting over the fire

for however long this fight lasts.

Ben: She's being rotisserie

Jeremy: rotisseried yes.

And so the next morning, she's there with
Chase and the police are interested in

questioning these rich genes about the
destruction of this historic landmark.

But

Danny: definitely

Ben: this is a very
accurate part of the movie.

Jeremy: They did you
not find Chase's body?

And then the credits finally
roll and we are left, sorry.

And they put in the notes, we
are left alone to ponder this

instance, this fallen world.

Ben: Do we even see Riley
and Chase Crawford again?

Or do we literally, it was
the last we see of them at the

dance being like, where's Sarah.

Guess we lost

Danny: her.

Jeremy: There's one point where
they cut back to them and they're

like, ah, man, it's that time,
I guess, happy birthday, Caleb.

And that's the last we see of them.

Emily: So this movie
was this movie feminist.

Danny: Cool.

Jeremy: There are two female

characters.

They do talk to each other.

It's always about the boys.

Danny: This

Emily: is not best.

The best is

Danny: like,

Emily: this is failing the
Bechtel test so hard at like.

Ben: It's rare to see a movie
when there is so much of two named

women characters talking that still
fails the bacterial test, like

Jeremy: Vincent, this is

the definition of like why the Bechdel
test exists, because it's like why does

it need to be two women that talk to each
other about something other than men?

This is it.

They are literally just there to deliver
exposition about men and to dig showers.

That's it there they could be.

I, okay.

I would say this about this is
and this is true about most of the

characters in the movie as well.

They could just be played by sexy lamps

Danny: that

Ben: failed the

Danny: sexy.

The first time you mentioned that to
me, it was literally Chase Crawford

could just be a sexy lamp in this film.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Ben: Is a sexy lamp in this

Jeremy: film, you could absolutely
be a sexy lamp honestly, after

like the first 30 minutes.

So could Reid

Ben: incredible Abercrombie
and Fitch line up.

Like they flipped together for this movie.

Danny: The

Jeremy: guys are X models.

Danny: So

Jeremy: how do you feel like this
movie handles a mental illness?

Danny: It presents the

Jeremy: idea of

Danny: addiction.

This

literally addicted people are evil or
tools for you to absorb their power.

Yeah.

This movie

Ben: uses alcoholism as
a device for exposition.

Danny: It's bad.

I knew in that moment, like I suspected
this was going to have a bit of that, you

know, like, obviously this is before magic
mic, but I had a sense that it was going

to have the magic mic energy of, oh wow.

They have a love interest, but no
one who worked on this movie, like

likes breathing air around women.

But like, I really knew when we
got that drunken exposition, I

was like, oh, they like hate.

Okay.

That's fine.

They literally gave all the witch
power to the men and then had

bitter drunk mom ignoring the fact
that probably implies that she was

abused by her addicted husband.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's,

Ben: I'm sure she saw some
shit, like she's a regard

Danny: and she's probably
terrified of her son because

her son could literally be that.

And he's just like, I swear
to God, I love you mama.

And she's like, I hate my life.

Ben: Yeah.

And she has in her voice when she says
you look just like him, like your father,

Emily: even though he doesn't at all,

Ben: did that explored so much

Danny: harder.

Yeah.

That will jumped on that, on
her husband dying so fast.

She was like yeah, no, you do it.

This was the only way to save the day.

Yeah.

Wink, nudge, nudge.

I, trust me, it's the only way

Jeremy: it sounds about as much to deal
with that as it does to do with the

race, they literally put this character
of Kate, this new black woman, not quite

front and center, but just to the left.

And they don't even,
there's no comment on it.

It's

Danny: not.

But also the movie's actually
worse for having her here.

I think it would actually be less racist
because that is such a white space

to begin with, but they set up that I
wouldn't have blinked and it being an

all white space, but having like a single
black person there and a single black

woman in this world where women have
even less power makes it so noticeable

that they're not dealing with race.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeremy: I think like if you were going
to cast a black woman in this movie, it

should be in the Sarah part because she
has been coming into this audaciously

white space with a healthy dose of
what the fuck has he been going on?

Danny: I didn't become
such a cool story then.

Right?

Because then it becomes like, it's not
quite a Jordan Peele type story, but it

is on a certain level because that becomes
this black girl coming into this world

and getting an actual, like full horror
level education and white privilege right.

In this way that these boys are so
powerful that the good guy burns down a

bar and is responsible for two possible
murders by the end of that night.

And no one gets in trouble.

Yeah.

Right.

And then that's the
world that she lives in.

So imagine that movie and you get like
the concept of Caleb as like this good

guy, but the last few minutes turn is
when he expects them to be a couple,

she looks at him in horror because he's
exactly the same as the rest of them.

Like he, he has not only accepted that
power, but stolen the power of like

the patriarchal line of his family and
used it to commit violence, to save.

And

Emily: he does this.

You give a shit about,

Danny: I don't know what's wrong.

He doesn't give a shit.

He has no clue what's wrong, which
is like such a subtle difference.

But the idea of him then not
knowing why she's terrified.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ben: So many fix thick directions.

You can go with this movie and
we need to write all of them.

Jeremy: Yeah.

And that, that really
changes the direction of the

government interaction as well.

In a way that makes

Ben: a lot more sense.

Can we do an anthology where we
just get like eight grade writers?

It was like, re-imagine the

Danny: covenant?

If you want a good anthology of pros
book pro stories about queer witches

of all genders, there's a book by neon
hemlock publishing called unfettered

hexes in which I may or not may or
may not have a short story about

a black, which coming back to the
manner that the white people in his

small town burned his family in plug.

Oh yeah, no, it's totally plug it.

Actually it actually, the anthology got
nominated for a locus today super excited,

but like it's matrix.

I actually wrote it as my recommendation
that I was going to do later.

So it's just like an anthology by
queer folk and queer people of color,

like just different queer, which
stories that sounds rad as hell.

It's so good.

And

Emily: that's a,

Danny: pro's not, it's
not a graphic novel.

It's prose.

It's called unfettered, Texas unfettered,

Emily: Texas.

Fantastic.

So yeah, we haven't talked about
the, I mean, we've talked about

how this movie is homoerotic.

Danny: It hates the fact
that it's homo erotic.

It is so embarrassed by how gay it is.

I know other people have different
readings of this, but the level of

embarrassment this movie has about a Tomo
eroticism makes me feel the same way.

When it turns out the girls aren't
gay in Jennifer's body, that it

feels like a cop-out that feels like
it was heading in that direction.

It is fully aware.

And then it goes, yeah, but like you knew
we were never really going to go there.

Emily: Yeah.

I mean, it's the same kind of you
know, it's just so in denial, like

we talked about Freddie's revenge and
how that movie is really homoerotic,

but it is homophobically homoerotic.

Yeah.

Danny: Like that movie is weird
because every, like, there's the

whole backstory of how like with the
closeted actor, but also the way that

like half of the crew knew that he
was closeted, but half of them didn't.

And so half of them were intentionally
making a homoerotic film and the

other half was like, what's a gay.

Yeah.

This is almost smug.

Like, that's the thing that got me
about like Jennifer's body as well,

is that these both share a smugness
in the way that they queer bait.

They know what they're doing.

Ben: It wants to have the credit
of winking so hard that, you

know, it knows queer people exist
without having to actually come

in to telling you a queer story.

Yeah.

Danny: Yeah.

It's

Jeremy: the two thousands
versus the eighties.

Ben: Yeah.

It wants you to who both applied
it's queer subtext while still doing

absolutely nothing to drive away.

Straight general

Danny: audiences.

Yeah.

It's so wild because like, especially
if they had given Chase like an actual

revenge background for his face.

They had full fledged to mid two
thousands opportunity to do justifiably

angry and vengeful queer in face.

And they just dropped the ball,
especially when you think about this

group of ostensibly straight witches
and then the outsider, which yeah.

Who they literally make like homophobic
comments about, but then they place

him as like the flamboyant outsider
queer, who has like, literally has the

plot of, because he had no one to take
care of him and nobody to show him

the way he became an orphaned addict.

Yeah.

It's so like, he literally has like a
heart, like when you get down to like,

if you actually looked at the logic of
his backstory, like he has an actual,

like really upsetting, like nineties
queer backstory in like some real ways,

but they're just like, and it made him a
crazy evil person, like in the same way

that like the hysteria trope is used.

Right.

Yeah.

And like,

Emily: that's what I was saying with
the comment earlier about like, you

know, sex education or whatever.

And I'm not talking about just like,
you know, the kind of elementary

school sex education that tries to
pass for, you know, actual education.

Although that people are out
there trying bless your teachers.

But you know, if he was able to
accept who he was and know who

he was and be aware that was
something that wasn't a monstrous,

Danny: it's not even accepting really.

Right.

It's he didn't, it's literally the
plot of, he didn't find out who

he was until he was screwed over.

Like it's no one.

Oh, he got deep into being manipulated
at like an abused by the world.

And then someone went, honey, the
reason you feel this way is because

you're gay, but it's too late.

Yeah.

It's too late to have not
been in those situations.

And the movie literally goes
it's your fucking fault.

Especially since he's under age.

And they're like, yeah, but
you're, it's your fucking fault.

Second, you turn 18.

You're responsible for all that shit.

Yeah.

For Chase.

What am I becoming?

I mean, that's the

Emily: thing though, is that despite
all of this drugs charismatic.

Yeah.

Danny: You know, the whole, okay,
look just isn't better than him.

Like that's the real thing, like I'm
like in order to beat the villain,

you basically like murder your dad.

Like yeah.

And so all I can think is once he
makes the decision to beat Chase,

why do we still root for him?

Like, it's not like, like they think
what they're doing is Sarah in the craft.

But Sarah didn't, I mean, Sarah was
still, Sarah was shitty, but like there's

a difference in the way the narrative
doesn't understand that she's shitty.

Emily: Yeah.

Danny: Yes, absolutely.

She's not because she's not
doing the exact like same thing.

It's oh, I need more power.

And considering none of my rich, which
friends are actually dead and all he

needs, first of all, I have super powers.

I will just take my fucking
girlfriend back then.

After I take my girlfriend back,
I will just sit down and have a

coven conversation with all my bros
who are still alive because he may

be powerful, but there's more of
us also, presumably adults with.

In this town.

Yeah.

Where are they?

Emily: What are they all
mummies that like, why?

And, you know, he's a
mummy, but he still has

Danny: power.

Like how does that work?

Emily: Like is the power, the only
thing keeping him alive, but then

he's on like IB drips and shit.

Danny: So I also like the implication of
what the story would be, if what we were

supposed to understand then is that like
all of their fathers became that, right?

Yeah.

That's again, like just like
different kind of story that would

have been so interesting to tell.

Right?

Yeah.

And that stamina that they, that not
that none of those boys understand

that all of their fathers are monsters
and their abuse of this power is

what caused their own downfall.

But none of them understand that.

So they all blame other things or
like, oh, they just didn't use it.

Right.

I'm different, you know, et cetera.

But that would have to follow
through with his metaphor, I guess.

And this movie definitely has
no clue how to follow through

with a metaphor or anything.

Really.

Emily: It's not a lot of
follow through in this

Jeremy: film, speaking of which
do we recommend this movie

Danny: to people?

I know your answer to that.

Megan: Uh, Yeah.

I think everyone should watch it
once, but maybe not more than once.

But I don't promise a good movie, but
you have a good time for this movie.

So I

do think that it's worth a watch.

Ben: As

I said before, this is a good movie.

Have some friends over pops and popcorn,
open some beers and have yourself a time.

Danny: Don't warn them about jail time.

Uh,

Jeremy: Yeah, I think I
fall in the same range.

Like it's definitely worth watching.

It's dumb.

It's dumb as fuck.

If you go in with the knowledge that
this movie is dumb and enjoyable and

like it's not going to, it's not going
to revolutionize your view of cinema um,

Danny: oil inspire 400
stories as evidenced by this.

Yeah.

Jeremy: We'll want to write a
better version of this movie

as soon as you watch it.

But yeah, it definitely is
worth seeing once on that.

Uh, What do we recommend
for people, Danny?

What did you have to
recommend on this one?

I think you've mentioned
it a little already.

Danny: Yes.

So I would recommend unfettered hexes on
anthology, out of neon hemlock a small

publisher that specializes particularly
in queer and marginalized work unfettered,

Texas is a collection of stories
about queer witches of all genders.

I'm fortunate enough to be in it with
a story that's kind of like which

black dude which not rich, I guess,
which I guess both who comes back

to his old family manner after not
being there for a really long time.

And I'd been reading a lot of Edgar
Allen Poe at the time, but Edgar

Allen Poe meats, nineties Knaus, I
guess, would be how I write things.

So that's my number one.

I would also say if you are looking
for really good youth stories about

coming of age and dynamics between
father and son, there is a Stephen

Graham Wolf, or Jones, not Wolf.

but I actually, the one that I want
to recommend is an Avella called.

Mapping the interior out of tour books.

It is about a young native man who
lives on a reservation in a trailer.

And one night he sees the ghost of his
father doing a traditional dance and

it is a horror story and is absolutely
phenomenal and is actually about

masculinity and class in a way that
covenant would never dare be fantastic.

Jeremy: Uh, Megan, what
have you got to recommend?

Megan: My recs, aren't
going to be as good.

I think that last time I
wrecked my favorite horror

movie of all time shopping mall.

So I'll do that again.

Everyone should watch shopping mall.

I also will req fresh,
which I haven't been able to

watch, but it's a Sebastian
Stan cannibal movie that

I've heard really good things about.

Danny: I really want to watch that every
trailer looks absolutely phenomenal.

Megan: I like, I can't bring myself.

I just

can't bring myself to do it.

I listened to a podcast about it and it
felt like it was too much for me, but

everyone says he's really good in it.

And so as Daisy Edgar Jones,

so, yeah,

some good horror for everyone,

Jeremy: all right.

Emily, what have you got?

Emily: but what I was going to
recommend, If you want to watch

something about kids with powers
and dark academia and coming of age,

there is an animate it's kind of nuts.

It's kind of intense.

Just got some, I mean, it's animated.

So I just want just a little bit of
a problematic grain in there, but

it's called or from the new world.

And it is based on a series of light
novels about kids who have kind of psychic

powers in a kind of Shinto inspired dark
academia, like was just some shit though.

Some Buddhist, very, you know,
Japanese traditional inspired setting,

which slowly becomes more dystopian.

And it's really good.

And also gay and unlike most uh,
animated have gay characters and then

suddenly random, straight shit happening.

Actually, no, that's a horrible spoiler.

It's better to be gay in this world.

Let me just put it that way,

Danny: like my world.

Yes.

Okay.

Jeremy: All right.

Ben, what have you got?

Ben: So I'm going to dive deep into
the dark academia aspect of this story.

So if you want to uh, really get a story
that dives deep into that genre and is

a real kind of foundational text in dark
academia, I'm going to recommend you

check out the novel, the secret history
written by Donna Tartt published in 1992.

Definitely check it out for all.

You know about the, you know,
darkness and murder and Alita,

ism, and fresher and fall and grace
of snooty, new England education

Emily: rad.

Danny: Oh, if you want to see what actual
irresponsible magic youth looks like

should absolutely read the tragedy that
is dangerous habits, the Hellblazer arc

which sees John Constantine immediately
find out that he has lung cancer from

smoking through all of the series.

And he does not deal with it very
well, but also is irresponsibly

uses his knowledge of magic to
cheat his way out of cancer.

And not only is it an absolutely
phenomenal storyline, but it

follows the character for the
next decades of this book.

The what w how he resolves it is unlike
a lot of series, he never gets to shake

off any of the times that he screws
over other people to kind of get on

top of, be it selfishly or as a hero.

And this is kind of one of the big
moments and has one of my favorite

opens early on with him talking about
himself and with his walking through

the shadows monologue being one of
my favorite moments at all comics.

Nice.

Okay.

So I had

Jeremy: nothing directly related
to this movie that I wanted to

recommend, but like, there's a lot
of things I've watched recently.

That uh, that were, could, I really
want to talk about really wanting to

encourage people to go see one of them.

I feel like everybody I know has already
encouraged everybody to go see it, which

is everything everywhere all at once.

Which is an incredible movie.

It is hard to explain just how
weird and wild and out there the

movie gets while still staying very
emotionally grounded and also very

science fiction at the same time.

So like definitely

Danny: go until I can see it.

Jeremy: Yeah.

I, you know, I managed to like get
to a showing during the day mid-week

where it was like me and two other
people in the whole theater which

is the way to do it these days.

I feel like.

And the other thing I wanted to recommend,
which I just caught up on recently

speaking of uh, movies with queer themes,
I finally sat down and watched may

which is great if you've never seen may.

It's about a girl who's sort of,
she's got a lot of social issues.

She doesn't quite fit in.

She's sort of taught early on that, you
know, this, a lazy eye that she has among

other things makes her undesirable and
people don't want to be friends with her.

And she's just sort of made
friends with this doll that

lives in her house with her.

But she is trying to connect
with people and is trying to

date and get to know people.

And various points in this movie
ends up dating both Jeremy Sisto and

a Ferris uh, characters in this and

Danny: not care, not actors.

I was expecting to hear in this.

Yeah,

Jeremy: it's a, the lead character
may is played by Angela Bettis.

Um, And then yeah, Jeremy says
don't and affairs are almost the

only other characters in the movie.

It's very it's a very small cast.

But you know, she's just trying to
make connections with people and she's

slowly starts to learn people sock.

And if she's going to make a friend
who is actually a good person, she's

going to have to take some people apart
and put them back together to do it.

So it's real dark and uh, it can
be a rough watch points cause it

is sort of, she does deal with
some emotionally scarring stuff.

But it's really good and
it is genuinely queer.

Unlike a lot of the movies we've
talked about on here recently

is also directed by lucky McKee.

So yeah, that's definitely one that I
would recommend people check out and you

can find it just about anywhere, either
streaming or like, you know, it's an

older in the horror movie, so you can
get it for about five bucks, most places.

So definitely worth checking out.

That is it for us on the recommendations.

Uh, I want uh, Megan, could you let
people know where they can find out more

about you and then what you do online?

Megan: Yeah.

Yeah.

Everyone can find me on sweater.

I'm at Megan underscore M B

a.

Yeah.

I'm an editor.

So send me your covenant

rewrite pitches.

Danny: You can't say that please guys.

Don't do it.

No, you can't tell Twitter to do that.

Megan: No one follows me on Twitter.

Don't DM me anything.

I will immediately delete it,

but if you know my email,
then you can email me.

All right.

Jeremy: And what about you, Danny?

We're going to be, we'll find your,

Danny: you couldn't find me being
entirely too much online at where

dog's w E R E D a w G Z, because I
have a brand and it is werewolves.

Also because it's been announced keep
an eye out for uh, I've got a star

Trek mirror, verse one shot coming out

where I got to work with Megan.

And I really enjoyed working on that
and it was super cool to get to play,

not only in the mirror verse, but with a
lot of things that I thought a lot about

while watching Cisco in that universe.

And it's dope.

Also, Kira is also really big in it, so.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Very good.

Oh, if you are a Kara fan you'll
love to hate her in this book a lot.

Ben: Yeah.

Member's Kira is just a, she's all that.

And the bag of chips never go sclera.

Danny: As for the rest of us, find

Jeremy: Emily and mega on
twitter@mega_mouthoninstagramandatmegamall.net.

Ben is on
twitter@benthekhanandontheirwebsiteatbenkahncomics.com,

where you can pick up all of their
books, including the new immortals,

Phoenix, rising graphic novel from
great beginnings and the grant award

nominated Renegade rule, graphic novel.

And

finally, for me, you can find me on
Twitter and Instagram at J room five

eight, and my website@jeremywhitley.com,
where you can pick up everything I write.

And of course the podcast is on
patriotic, progressive horrified our

website@progressivethehorrifieddottransistor.fm
and on Twitter at Prague horror pod.

We would love to hear from you.

And speaking of loving to hear
from you, please, if you listening

to this, we would love it.

If you would rate and review the podcast,
five stars gets us out there where more

people can find it and check it out.

Thanks again so much to Danny
and Megan for joining us.

It was a ball guys.

Danny: Thank you for having yes,

Ben: this was awesome.

This was a super fun way to talk
about, so thank you so much for

coming on.

Oh,

Emily: thank you for introducing

this film.

Danny: I only recommend the most
chaotic, not the best, not the

worst, just the most chaotic.

It's a great

Jeremy: sign.

When you try to figure out where it
will be a streaming and it turns out

it's Pluto, TV, all the great movies.

And of course, as always, thank you
to Ben and Emily for joining me and

thank you to all of you for listening.

And until next time stay horrified.

Alicia: Progressively horrified
is created by Jeremy Whitley

and produced by Alicia Whitley.

This episode featured the horror squad,
Jeremy, Ben, and Emily, along with special

guests, Danny Lore and Megan Brown.

All opinions expressed by the
commentators are solely their own

and do not represent the intent or
opinion of the filmmakers nor do they

represent the employers, institutions,
or publishers of the commentators.

Our theme.

Music is epic darkness by Mario Cole oh
six and was provided royalty free from.

If you liked this episode,
you can support us on Patrion.

You can also get in touch with us
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email@progressivelyhorrifiedatgmail.com.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.