Alicia: Hey, just a heads up.

The episode you're about to listen to
is Old directed by M night Shyamalan

and written by M night, based on the
graphic novel sandcastles by Pierre

Oscar-Levy and Frederick Peeters.

Some relevant trigger warnings for
this movie include body horror, newborn

death, on-screen graphic surgery, racism
throughout graphic violence and troubling

sexual content involving children.

And our hosts rank this movie
as existentially disconcerting.

If you'd like to learn more
about the movie, discuss this

evening, please visit our website.

Progressively horrified.transistor.fm
for show notes, relevant links

and transcripts of each episode.

After the spooky music we'll talk
about the episode in full so before

warned there will be spoilers
Now let's get onto the show.

Jeremy: Good evening and welcome to
progressively horrified, the podcast

where we hold the horror to progressive
standards it never agreed to.

Tonight.

We're trying out a new format on the show.

It's been suggested we try something
low stakes, which of course led

me to suggest a movie we've been
making fun of for months, and

most of us hadn't actually seen M.

Night Shayamalan's Old.

It doesn't get any more
low stakes than that.

I am your host, Jeremy
Whitley and with me tonight.

I have a panel of
cinephiles and cenobites.

First, they're here to invade your
house and find queer content in all

of your favorite movies, my co-host
and comic book writer, Ben Kahn.

Ben, how are you tonight?

Ben: I had not seen the movie,
wish I still hadn't seen the movie.

I really try to be nice and
find something to enjoy.

Spoilers: this movie is bad
and you should not see it.

Jeremy: Yes, there are many movies
that we say it is bad and enjoyable.

This is not one of them.

You can feel yourself getting
older while this movie is on.

Ironically.

And we picked her up at the
spooky crossroads of anime and

sexy monster media, it's co-host
and comics artist, Emily Martin.

How are you tonight, Emily?

Emily: Well like an aging font I
am growing serifs by the minute.

By the second even.

You've already mentioned my
name and my occupation, so, I

guess that is that's about it.

I mean, the twist of this movie is that
you will not get those minutes back.

Like, It's called Old for fuck's sake.

So if anything is about the fleeting
quality of life, it is this.

Ben: I have a bone to pick with M.

Night beyond his-

Emily: I think we all do-

Ben: beyond, beyond the usual.

What the fuck did you just direct M.

Night?

Like regular bones to pick: I have
questions about this cameo and why

somehow he is the most natural performing
actor in the whole fucking movie.

Did he intentionally direct everyone
else bad so he could be the best one?

Emily: I mean, I think that this is
the most telling moment for a director.

Jeremy: M.

Night Shyamalan is doubly
the villain of this movie.

He is the villain of this movie as the guy
who leads to the, he problem of the movie.

Also he's the villain of this movie,
by the way, he directs and writes it.

Like it's bad.

Ben: I enjoy the acting decisions M.

Night Shyamalan makes in this movie,
I don't enjoy a single writing

or directing choice he makes.

Emily: I have never seen a bunch of
actors that look so much, even in Stanley

Kubrick films, do the actors not look
like they are trying to act at gunpoint.

Jeremy: So before we jump into
this full discussion in the movie,

we're going to do a quick recap.

Ben has drawn the short straw
tonight, so, take it away, Ben.

Ben: All right.

So as Jeremy said,
trying out a new format.

We're going to do a real speedy recap
and then dive into our discussion

on the movies, politics, and themes,
or in the case today just said,

fucking flabbergasted or whoever
the fuck it is we all just watched.

We start by being introduced
in the car to the Cappa family.

Parents Guy and Prisca are going
through a divorce while also

being more wooden than Pinocchio.

Their children, Maddox and Trent
communicate exclusively by reciting facts

about themselves and asking for facts.

It's both exposition and
character development.

The family is on their way to a hotel
that Prisca found online because, and I

can't stress this enough, fuck this movie.

Guy and Prisca fight while Trent
befriends the resort manager's nephew,

Idlib, a hilariously lonely child.

The next morning, the family is
taken to an exclusive beach alongside

rapper, Mid-Sized Sedan, doctor and
trophy wife, Charles and Chrystal,

along with their daughter, Kara and
Charles' mother, as well as husband

and wife, Patricia and Jarin Carmichael
again, not character development.

They soon find the body of Mid-Sized
Sedan's companion in the water, and then

freak out the fuck out when the kids
have become teenagers and Maddox has

aged into having a New Zealand accent.

The group figures out that the beach
is making them old and we get all

sorts of people-aging shenanigans like
removing tumors, dogs who were just

alive being dead, remembering bad,
Marlon Brando slash Jacqueline Nicholson

movies, and pregnant six-year-olds
because again, fuck this movie.

Whenever they try and leave
the beach, they black out.

So they come up with a plan to
acclimate by leaving very slowly

and then they don't do that plan.

Instead they spend most of the movie
just sitting around and trying nothing

or doing objectively worse plans than
the plan they already came up with.

And as a result Charles kills Mid-Sized
Sedan due to his worsening schizophrenia,

Jarin drowns, Kara falls off the cliff
and Patricia suffers a fatal seizure.

That night, Charles's um, worsening
mental illness, causes him to repeatedly

slash at Guy, and Chrystal attacks
the kids when they see her after

suffering from her calcium deficiency.

Prisca is able to kill Charles by giving
him a tetanus infection with a rusty knife

and Chrystal breaks like all of her bones
in a double feature, that's kind of the

movie's only effective horror sequence.

Following this, Guy and Prisca
reconcile and pass away from natural

causes at what appears to be age 54.

The next day only mid- now middle-aged
Maddox and Trent are left alive.

They spend way too long building
sandcastles before decoding a message

from Idlib that gives them the idea
to swim to the coral, which blocks the

beach's aging effects because metal tube.

That is legitimately
the explanation we get.

I hate this movie.

It looks like the siblings drown,
but then we get more fucking ending

scenes than return of the king where M.

Night says, they're dead,
then we get the like M.

Night twist where it turns out the
resort is actually a pharmaceutical

company doing lifelong medical traumas
using the aging beach, which, oh my

God, that's not how science works and
we're gonna fucking get into that.

And then we learned that Maddox and
Trent actually are alive and they

got evidence of what the resort
is doing and not what happened to

the Sackler family happens here.

And then, just because, we get
another scene of them on a helicopter,

cause fuck you and fuck this movie.

End recap.

Jeremy: Yeah, I think-

Emily: Clap, clap, clap.

I don't know if you can hear the claps.

But.

Jeremy: That is absolutely
a recap of the movie.

What you might not guess from that
recap, is that it's based on anything

or has any actors in it because I
feel so bad for the people that wrote

the book that this movie is based on.

Wrote the graphic now with the movies
based on and starred in this movie,

because to give you an idea, it's
supposedly based on this graphic novel,

Sandcastle from Pierre-Oscar Lévy and
Frederik Peeters the French graphic novel.

And it stars some people I
haven't heard of, but some

people that I know to be good.

Gael García Bernal is Guy in this movie.

He is a great actor.

Rufus Sewell is in this movie.

He is great actor, Vicky Krieps.

I don't know as well.

Abbey Lee, Ken Leung.

Ben: Ken Leung I know is good, has
been incredibly enjoyable in lots

of things, gives probably the worst
performance of his career in this film.

Jeremy: Yeah.

We've also got Nikki Amuka-Bird and Aaron
Pierre, this poor guy, as Mid-Sized Sedan.

This character is-.

Ben: He has one of the many lines that
just fucking bowled me over was when

they discover like his dead companion.

And he just comes up and
says completely dead pan.

Oh, dang.

Old: Oh dang.

Ben: Yeah.

Jeremy: Oh, dang.

Ben: There are so many lines that I
just had to pause and just laugh my ass

off .When that little Idlib kid goes
like let's play a truth-telling game.

I don't have any friends.

Old: Truth Telling Game.

Go.

I can't do a pushup go.

I don't have friends.

I'm your friend.

You'll leave.

My mom might let me facetime you.

Then we can be friends.

You can come over to my
house and make up stories.

Then we can go to the same
college together and become

neighbors with mortgages.

cool.

Ben: Died.

Fucking died.

Emily: Yeah.

Jeremy: It's so bad.

it's okay.

So we, we, we've got some talking points
here and this is my first one, actually.

So it's worth jumping in here and saying
my biggest problem with this movie.

And I said this, I turned to Alicia
while watching this and said, this

movie feels like it was written by
aliens who have never actually met a

human, but have only just heard of us.

It must be what it's like being a
dinosaur watching Jurassic Park, right?

Like, that is not what
dinosaurs are like at all.

What the fuck?

Ben: Like.

Emily: I'm glad that we're
discussing the very important

dinosaur outlook on this show.

Ben: Like, Guy and Prisca arguing
at one point, and this is real

fucking dialogue in the movie.

One says, you're always
thinking about the past.

And the other says, well, you're
always thinking about the future.

Jeremy: He says, you're always
thinking about the past damage.

You work at a fucking

Old: Prisca, come on.

You're always thinking about the future.

It makes me feel not seen.

You're always thinking about the past.

You work in a goddam museum!

Jeremy: Like, what?!

Emily: Like the most ham-fisted character
develop- attempt at character development.

I can't even call it what it is.

It's just an attempt.

No gold stars here.

I'm sorry.

Ben: There are moments in this film that
would be legitimately affecting if I

cared at all about any of the characters.

Emily: Yeah.

And then every other line is really,
really like, isn't time crazy.

Let's talk about aging or whatever, like.

There's no subtext whatsoever.

Ben: I get in my notes, I con- was
constantly writing down: you had one job.

Like this story has such simple rules
to it that it's constantly breaking.

This movie would be like, why
aren't our hair and nails growing?

Oh, like it's because they're dead cells.

So they don't age fast, literally
two minutes after, oh my God.

This corpse like decayed into
a skeleton within minutes.

Which fucking is it movie?

Emily: Yeah.

Well, the movie- the science in this movie
is completely broken, which is unfortunate

because that's all the movie is about.

That's the only thing that is really
discussed is like, what is happening?

How and why.

And there's no like
character quality to it.

The characters don't really,
I mean, they're not relatable

because they're not human beings.

I don't know what they are.

Jeremy: Um, Alicia's favorite
line from this is Prisca who, as

we've established works in museum.

And like this line she says to
somebody is you don't know me.

I curate exhibits for a museum.

I'm telling you this because I
want you to trust me and know

that I'm not being hysterical.

When I say there's something
very wrong with my child.

Old: Excuse me.

I saw you were talking to my husband.

I know you're dealing with a lot
with that woman right now, but

something is wrong with my son.

Some kind of reaction.

Is it severe?

I don't have time for this.

What kind of doctor are you?

I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon
and chief medical officer.

You don't know me.

I curate exhibits for museums.

I'm telling you this because I want
you to trust me and not think I'm

being hysterical when I say there's
something very wrong with my child.

He seems fine to me.

He's playing with my daughter.

Ben: I also had that line in my notes
because I'm like, this is the worst

fucking line of dialogue I've ever heard.

Emily: I mean, there's the dog one.

That one is still on top for me.

Jeremy: The dog is dead.

He was only just alive.

Ben: I'm sorry.

Rufus Sewelll is the one actor
who is just fucking bringing out

legitimately fun performance.

Jeremy: I mean, this sounds like a
weird thing to say, that he's lucky in

that he gets the mental illness angle.

Like he, he gets the job of portraying
a man who is very quickly like

losing his mind because he's, he
has dementia, which should be slow

moving, but because they're getting
old fast, he's getting it very quickly.

So like he, he very quickly gets to
accelerate, like his not understanding

things and the fun angle where he
gets more incredibly loudly racist

as he gets more as he slipped
further and further into this.

Ben: Again, if it's meant to be
horrifying, it's like there's a

Palpatine to it where it is, where
it's like a lot of these scenes that

feels like Rufus is the only person
who's enjoying making this movie.

Emily: Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, okay.

So to explain the dog a bit, you know,
the dog dies because people age fast,

but organic material, even though
bones, decay, paper and plastic anyway.

Ben: Okay.

Mid-Sized Sedan is on this beach for
hours before the others arrived with

only nosebleeds and no other aging.

Again, this movie had one fucking job.

Emily: Yeah, yeah.

But yeah.

So this, the Rufus, this character
who is a surgeon and chief medical

officer, who is the medical, supposedly
the medical authority on this beach is

the one who reacts to the dog dying by
saying what he was only just so alive.

Ben: Which a not
inaccurate medical opinion.

Emily: I mean, yeah, like.

Ben: Again, this movie, just harping,
once again on this movie only having

one job and utterly failing at it.

How terrible to non-existent was the old
person makeup on all of the characters.

Emily: They did not age.

So the kids age by
becoming different actors.

Ben: Christ, Gael Garcia Bernal has like
gray at his temples and a few wrinkles

and then just fucking keels over dead.

Emily: And

Ben: Vicky doesn't even get a death scene.

The camera just pans away and
then hands back and she's dead.

Emily: Yeah.

There's a lot of, I'm going to say,
quote, unquote, cinematography that

I think is trying to be subtle, but
all it does is really reinforced

the fact that they really didn't
know how to show these things.

It just is, again, it feels like
aliens learned about cinematography

and tried it for the first time.

Jeremy: Yeah, there is there's some slack
to be cut for this movie based on the

fact that it was made during the pandemic.

So obviously, like it was a small
crew, small set you know, they are at

a beach and that's fine, but a lot of
the cinematography it's really close

when there's no reason for it to be.

And makes it more, more difficult
to tell what's going on.

Anytime that they shoot a part of
the beach, that isn't the part of the

beach where people are standing, it's
obviously an entirely different film

quality in different times of day.

Like they're they just clearly
like cross cut it b roll of beach

that they shot to like intersperse
between the scenes and it it's bad.

It doesn't even look like the same
beach or the same time or the same day.

Ben: The directing choices are baffling.

Like they spend a legit 40 seconds
teasing, like, Ooh, there's

different actors playing the kids.

And they're older now as if we don't know,
we're fucking watching a movie called old.

Emily: Yeah.

Like the reveal takes way too long
and you're just like, okay, I get it.

Okay.

I know they're older now I can hear them.

It's like

Ben: I got I'm on streaming watching the
movie about the beach that makes you old.

I know who the poor decision
I've already made a movie.

You don't need to prolong it.

Jeremy: Yeah.

This would be like, if our two
of the sixth sense suddenly he

was like, I see dead people.

That was the twist cause the
twist of Old is half an hour to

45 minutes in and they're like,
yeah, people are getting old fast.

It's like, we know!

Ben: I will say to the movie's credit, I
feel like the sense of my sense of time

watching this movie was really fucked up
because I feel like the movie as a whole

took forever and yet I feel like every
single plot development was a very rushed.

Emily: I think it was the
pain inflicted on my soul.

Every like, just fuck up of a
decision that this movie made.

Ben: So much of this movie is them
like legitimately doing nothing.

They aren't encountering new challenges.

They aren't like overcoming challenges.

Like so much of this movie is
just them standing, getting older,

talking about getting older.

Making plans about things they
might do and but not, not do.

And then it does the thing that
fucking TV shows and movies of the

love to do since time immemorial.

How can we make this boring ass
conversation, more interesting?

Fucking spin that camera around and
never stopped spinning, oh my God.

Jeremy: It's so, it's so bad.

And I the problem, my biggest problem,
there's a lot of problems I have with this

movie, but like coming to the end of this
movie, I was, I turned to Alicia and I

was like, I want to find movies by these
other actors that I haven't seen in other

things, because I feel like it is really
unfair to judge them based on this movie.

Cause like I've seen, I love Y tu
mamá también and The Motorcycle

Diaries and Amores perros is
one of my favorite movies.

Gael Garcia Bernal is a great actor.

He is hot garbage in this movie.

And I can't imagine that it's his fault.

Like just the delivery on everything.

Ben: Oh, my God.

It's.

So Vicky Krieps is in Phantom thread, a
movie I haven't seen, but know is amazing.

Like she must have talent.

And yet I got to say, this is
one of the worst leading actress

performances I've ever seen.

Emily: I feel like we're in the
midst of some, like a covenant

phenomenon where a director is really
forcing these actors to be mediocre.

Ben: I feel this must be an indication
where it's just like, even the best

actor you can't get good work out
of just like a terrible director.

Yeah.

Especially one who, again, I'm not
unconvinced, wasn't intentionally

sabotaging him to make his
own acting cameo look better.

Jeremy: Well, speaking of, of things
that are really horrible that I want

to talk about about this movie I feel
like we cannot go any further in this,

but talking about the phenomenon that
is Mid-Sized Sedan and is he, so we

have two people of color in this movie.

One of whom will is not to substantially
in the movie, but is, is Ken Leung's

partner in the story who like they
show up halfway through, basically.

Yeah.

But then we have one, one black
man in this movie and he is one a

rapper two known by the rap name
mid-sized sedan, which just, that

just feels like racism in a way that
like exceeds wearing a white hood.

Like, it's like M.

Night Shyamalan knows that
rappers have ridiculous names,

but he doesn't understand why
or how they would pick it out.

And he's, he's chosen like a Mid-Sized
Sedan, a thing which is intentionally

middle of the road and boring and
suburban as like the name of this rapper.

And we don't get any sort of indication
that this guy has maybe like a, like a

nerd core rapper that he's like, it's
like a funny thing, intentionally.

Very little personality.

Ben: Apparently the kind of rap
that is like known and recognizable

from 40 feet away by an 11
year old suburban white girl.

Yeah.

Jeremy: And he is so I would say
massively underwritten, but like

every, when he does talk, it's
like, it's still not, that good?

Ben: I ha I had to write this line
down because it was, and it was

again, like everything was delivered
completely emotionless and this like

all, is it, it's one thought and not
just a bunch of fucking nonsense.

I have a problem with my blood.

It has problem clotting.

I came here to look at
the ocean and remember I'm

connected to something bigger.

That's a real fucking line of nonsense
dialogue in this fucking garbage film.

Emily: I mean, it is, it is the most
basic explanation and completely

unnatural way of explaining what his
character wants and why he's there.

Jeremy: Does he not know
the name of his condition?

Cause it sounds like M.

Night Shyamalan has given the one black
man in this movie, sickle cell anemia.

And then does not know what it's called.

Ben: Which I agree.

It makes me so angry.

And again, like I've lived at like M.

Night Shyamalan, You're from Philadelphia.

What's your fucking excuse.

You should absolutely know
more black people in your life.

You're in Philly.

What are you doing?

Emily: And we can't re we can't
blame the comic book for this too.

I'm just going to say that.

I know that there's this
there's some source material.

Jeremy: You mean there wasn't a
character named Mid-Sized Sedan?

Ben: Yeah, are you telling me this
French comic didn't have one black

man named Mid-Sized Sedan in it?

Emily: Surprisingly.

Ben: Get out of town.

Emily: And shockingly.

No, it's okay.

Okay.

Ben: Yeah.

Mid-Sized Sedan has one moment
that I think it's legitimately

the best joke in the movie.

It is one interaction with
the other black character.

Um, Jarin's wife.

Um, Patricia.

Yes.

Uh, Thank you.

And I, again, I'm a hundred percent
convinced it was ad libbed cause it's when

they're all talking about the, their expo.

They're expositive about the
aging, like half an hour,

here is one year of your life.

And we look different because people
age, visibly at different rates.

And Mid-Sized Sedan just like
goes over and whispers to her.

And is like,

Old: About Trent in Maddox's ages.

And the time we spent on this
speech, half an hour is equivalent to

something like one year of our lives.

This must be true for all of us.

We just don't see it on everyone.

It's the first time they
wish they were black.

Mm-hmm

Ben: And she just gives
like this knowing nod.

It was like, that's completely
out of character with all of her

other lines in the movie that I
have both of them for both of them.

It's genuine, it's human,
it's witty and hilarious.

I'm dead ass convinced.

Like it had to have been an ad-lib
that they left in the movie.

Jeremy: Whoever wrote that line
should have been allowed to go back

and rewrite the rest of the movie.

Ben: It's honestly the only kind of like
witty commentary about aging in the movie.

Emily: Which is a movie about aging.

Just to remind you, I know you're here
and it's called Old and we've talked

about the pump, the premise, but again,

Jeremy: Ben, did you have any
talking points that you really felt

like we needed to hit on before
we got to the big questions here?

Ben: So again, like I say,
my big talking points were.

I feel like how this movie treats
its women characters, ma I think

Maddox is as far as I'm not sure
I'm on can write a protagonist.

I feel like max is trade well, but
you know, the way that the marriage

difficulties between Guy and Prisca,
it comes down very hard against Prisca.

Yeah.

Like, and then we just have like
Chrystal, the trophy wife I don't know.

It didn't it like there was it didn't oh.

And then just God fucking
again, pregnant six year old.

Emily: Yeah.

And I wanted to talk about that because.

No.

Okay.

Ben: Vodka out a mile.

Rainbows skull.

Thank you, Dan Akroyd, talk
about pregnant, old, sober.

I'll fucking tell you that.

Jeremy: Is there ever been anything
in one of these movies that we still

had so massively needed to talk about?

And I so desperately did
not want to talk about.

Emily: Yeah.

There's a lot to unpack here.

These kids who are, I was a,
Trent is six and Maddox is 11.

When they arrive on the beach and
within hours, they are teenagers.

And they just.

Jeremy: There's also
Kara who's what, five?

Emily: Yeah, there's Kara who's
very young, so she's, she's five.

She is the daughter of-

Ben: I'm sorry.

Pregnant five-year-old.

Emily: Yeah.

Sorry.

Sorry guys.

I'm apologizing because uh, the movie
won't but so you have Kara, she is

the daughter of Chrystal and whatever
the fuck surgeon guy's name is.

Jeremy: Rufus Sewell.

Ben: He is Charles.

Emily: Charles.

Ben: He's he is Charles.

He is in charge.

Emily: He has a trophy wife.

That's definitely younger than him.

Ben: They, especially show Chrystal in
a way where before aging, we just want

to show off her body in the most like
objectifying male gaze way possible.

And then as soon as aging
hits her, we just want to go

full fucking like witch-crone.

Emily: Yeah.

But that's the thing is it
never really happens that way.

Like her face doesn't really change.

Ben: Because this movie doesn't know how
to fucking actually do old people make up.

Emily: Yeah.

Like she's the one who gets
all fucked up with her bones.

But anyway, so like.

Ben: I feel like that was definitely.

The moment where like everyone on
the special effects team, like M.

Night, like everyone involved in that was
like, yeah, fucking the bone, like all the

bone cracking and re-healing and breaking
again, like that's going to be it.

That's going to be like the
big image people remember

and freaks them the fuck out.

Except once again, I'm laughing my ass off
because I'm just pointing at the TV going

it's the boneitis episode from Futurama.

Emily: It really is.

It really is.

So that's what it looks like.

It doesn't even like there's no, anyway,
I, we talk about how the science sucks.

Ben: She's that guy,
she's the eighties guy.

Her one regret is not curing her boneitis.

Jeremy: She's introduced early on
and she says that she has the calcium

deficiency as a way to like, get a special
smoothie out of the people at the hotel.

Cause she is she's being what
seems very ornary ordering stuff.

And then it is revealed, I guess,
late in this movie that she does

indeed have a calcium deficiency.

And that, because she is aging so
quickly and not getting any sort of

supplements or calcium or anything, her
bones just start breaking and everything.

Like she gets, you know, she gets
hit by a rock and they start breaking

and she has disappeared before
this because she's an old crone.

Ben: She doesn't get hit by a rock.

She drops a rock on herself.

Emily: And she is
violently afraid of aging.

Like she shames her daughter,
her five-year-old daughter

for have the possibility of
having scoliosis for slouching.

Ben: Yeah.

And she's incredibly superficial
is the word I was looking for.

I mean, every character in this film
is, paper thin if that, but like, she's

just a really bad trope of basic woman.

Of course, once she's being like,
don't slouch, of course, we're going

to see her as like the hunchback later
on, because fucking the same deal

where it's like, Prisca in the car.

I can't wait to hear you sing
when I'm, when you're older.

Oh, you're older.

And now I'm deaf and can't
hear, I'm like, fuck you movie.

Like

Emily: Except when she can hear anyway.

Ben: Like this movie
just could not Telegraph.

It's a bullshit harder.

Emily: Okay.

But I have to talk about the kid.

Came here to talk about these kids
and this thing that we're not, we're

trying, not that we don't want to
talk about what we have to because

the kids age rapidly there is this
brief moment where Maddox starts

flirting with- his name is Brendan.

I'm not going to call it.

He says his name is Brendan.

Jeremy: He introduces
himself as Mid-Sized Sedan.

And then later on tells her that
his name is Brendan, which like, why

the fuck would you as a human being
introduced, like stuck on this beach,

just meeting people, introduce yourself
to those people as Mid-Sized Sedan,

if you were then going to later be
like, actually, my name is Brendan.

Ben: Not to give this
movie any credit, isn't it?

That he is just sitting on the
beach by himself for hours while

everyone else beaches and it's magic.

It was like it's Mid-Sized Sedan,
the rapper who does whatever rap

the 11 year old white girl know.

Jeremy: Yeah.

And then like when somebody
says hi to him later, he's he

says, hi, I'm Mid-Sized Sedan.

Emily: Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He introduces himself and he's like,
this is my name and my occupation.

And this is my motivation in this film.

I am an actor playing.

Yeah.

It's very literal.

Okay.

So.

There are a couple different moments
where they're trying to talk about how

they are growing and they talk about
how they have more colors in their mind,

or they like feel more or whatever.

Old: My thoughts have
more colors in them now.

Yesterday I had a few colors.

They were really strong.

And now I have more and they're quieter.

Ben: Oh yeah.

I had that fucking my
thoughts have more colors now.

Fuck off movie.

Emily: Yeah.

And it's this completely out of place,
like attempt at poetry or any sort of like

political writing that just does not land,
especially because they, in order to deal

with the trauma of finding the dead body,
the mom tries to get them to list colors.

Which is, I thought, was like one of
the only interesting, unique things

that in terms of like any sort of
medical, anything in this movie that

this had this movie had to deal with.

But anyway, so these kids
there's a scene where Trent and

Kara, I think are in a tent.

Ben: Oh, I did not like that scene.

Emily: They're talking to each other
and it gets more and more intimate.

And we don't really see
much, but they touch hands.

And he T he's got his hand on her hip.

And then, they're of course played by
these um, older actors, but you can not

separate yourself from the fact that
they are kids, and then they're like,

and then the camera goes away and comes
back and then suddenly she's pregnant

because she, it happens really fast.

Ben: Absolutely disgusting pasta
close up the shot we get first.

Yeah.

I mean, I hate, I hate almost every
cinematography decision in this movie.

Emily: I mean, but that
was the only thing.

The thing about that pasta fiscal thing is
that, that was the only moment with that

character as a older person that really
like, felt like she was like, acting

like a child because all of the other
shit, when they're talking about like,

I, my, my feelings are more colorful now.

Like they're not, when they age,
they don't talk like kids at all.

Ben: This movie cannot decide how
it wants to handle the kids aging.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Most of the movie forgets about the kids
for chunks of like 15 minutes at a time.

And in order to bring them back for
a shock reveal every time first,

if they've suddenly aged second,
it's that as in the scene, Emily's

talking about the ma Kara and.

Max Trent, Trent, come walking
out of the tent and Kara is

clearly like nine months pregnant.

And they then like go to their parents who
are understandably shocked by all of this.

And they're like, well,
what's what's going on?

And she's like, oh, we were
just playing it's okay.

I just got a little fat,

Old: What did you do?

We were just playing it's.

Okay.

I just got a little fat mom.

You're better.

My God Guy it's okay.

Right.

Mom, Jack Nicholson arm, Marlon Brando.

We're in a movie together.

If she walked into the emergency room,
I'd say she's about five months pregnant.

What, what to stay on Trent?

You'll only be pregnant for about 20
minutes from the time of conception.

Why do keep looking at me?

Like you ought still.

Two me to punch you in your face.

Calm down.

Ben: What, one movie, that
-one moment that actually

like got a chuckle out of me.

And I'm like, I think you actually
intended for this to happen, movie, was

when Guy says, like, you did what makes
babies and Trent's response is, I thought

you had to do it like 10 times first.

Emily: That yeah, but they it's still
so fucked up because, again, this is a

subject that is hard to deal with any way.

Ben: Well, this whole thing is
I hated everything about this.

Like this is awful.

Emily: Cause this brings up the
subject matter of the, the body's

growing and hormone activity and
people that don't have experience

of context, whatever that means.

And that's a thing that happens
to real people, for various

reasons, whether they're they have
developmental conditions or whatever.

It's still something that we don't
really have an i- like a solid idea

about dealing with as a culture.

And also like sex taboos are different
in different cultures, of course,

but it's still, not a terribly
comfortable thing to discuss because

it is so difficult to discuss what
are we, how do we define consent?

You know, I know that
they're kids with hormones.

Ben: Not this for either of them, neither
of them can consent with each other.

Emily: Yeah, no, no, no, no.

Okay.

So this movie has absolutely no capability
of handling this and here's the thing.

And this is where I'm going to transition
into talking a little bit about the comic.

In the comic, the baby survives.

In the movie, the baby dies
immediately from what they say.

They say the words from
their mouth verbatim.

The line is the baby died
from lack of attention.

That baby was out of her for 20 seconds.

And they didn't say starvation.

'cause okay.

Yeah that I guess would make sense
because like a baby growing that

quickly also, what are these people?

Shit like they're eating all the time
and their bodies are moving really fast.

Are they just using the
bathroom constantly?

Like, no, of course not.

But anyway, I'm really sorry
that I also had to bring that up.

Ben: Are you?

Emily: Yeah, actually I am.

But here's the thing.

So baby died from quote,
unquote, lack of attention.

I don't understand how that
would work because the baby was

in their arms the whole time.

Ben: The baby died from
however Padme died.

Emily: The baby died.

Okay.

But in the comic, the baby survives
and is the survivor of this ordeal

that she doesn't no one gets away.

It's just about how she's
just the last person in this

group of people who are aging.

She's also aging rapidly.

And the only thing she can do is sit
on this beach and make a sandcastle.

That's the end of the comic.

Sorry, spoilers for the comic.

It's better than, than it's movie, but.

Ben: It couldn't be worse.

Emily: Yeah.

Jeremy: I think this is the one time
where the movie actually tries to stick

to its rules, which is like people age
really fast and things happen really

fast and the kids need more food.

The baby should need more food.

So by the rules, the babies should die
if the baby is not fed like immediately.

Right.

But it makes the decision that this is
the one time that it's going to follow

those rules in the case where it means
a dead baby and infant mortality.

Fun.

Emily: Yeah.

And kids, and like underage, like
mentally way too young people

engaging in intimate acts like.

And it's like-

Ben: Kara spends a portion of
the movie then carrying it around

in a towel, even after it's like
the baby has turned to dust.

Yeah.

It's it's fun.

Emily: Yeah.

And the, in the movie basically says
like, all the movie is saying about

this is in this fucked up, I guess.

Anyway, let's look at these other people.

Ben: Yeah.

It exists to do nothing, but make
you like exactly to make you be

like, look how fucked up this
says you hit the nail on the head.

Emily: Yeah.

And so that's what infuriates me
about this decision staying in

the film is that the baby dies.

So like the fact that they had this kid.

Doesn't really matter to the story
other than it just being fucked up

in the co- like if they're really
like adapting from the comic,

which is very, very, very rough.

I mean, and I understand making different
decisions when you adapt something

like that's I, in fact, prefer when
directors make different decisions

because it's a very different medium.

However, if you're going to
change the story that much,

we don't need to keep shit in.

That is so deliberately upsetting
and ultimately pointless.

And that also brings me
to the second thing about.

Is that well actually
there's a couple more things.

One is that there's no explanation for
the there's no science in the comic.

It's all about these
characters kind of go with-

Ben: Oh I hated the fucking technobabble.

Yeah.

I tried to be like the
radiation from the rocks.

Fuck off.

Emily: Yeah.

I mean.

Ben: Fuck all the way off.

Emily: There was, so there's a
character in the comic that the book

that they find was actually written
by a character, like in the comic,

the book was written by a guy who was
trying to speculate what was going on.

And he was a science fiction writer,
but there was no evidence of anything.

It was just him trying to figure
out what the fuck was going on.

We don't get any explanation.

It's just like, you see these
characters kind of accept their fate.

And then the the character like this
movie is is the conceit of this movie

really is about character development,
which they completely ignore.

I mean, I should say the
conceit of the story.

Cause as a conceit of the comic, not
the movie, the movie is just like,

oh and then also Brendan Mid-Sized
Sedan is a different character who

is an Algerian jeweler that tells
these stories about like death and

pride and all this kind of stuff.

But I will say that a not sure that
he's presented any less racist to leave.

Ben: The racism is what they adapt.

Emily: Yeah.

Cause he's an Algerian.

Ben: That's the- that's the
point of the adaptation.

You got to localize it, put
your own spin on the racism.

Emily: Yeah.

And it's, I mean, it's not as
like just completely stupid.

I mean, it's, it does have like
its own flavor of exoticism.

And then when the, the 11 year old
girl gets older You know, in body,

she does sleep with him in the comics.

So that's upsetting, and they're
still like racist surgeon guy.

But they don't blame his racism
specifically on paranoid schizophrenia,

which is what they specifically-

Ben: They sure do.

They are flat out.

They are they all, but say,
boy did that mental illness.

Sure.

Didn't make them racist.

Yeah.

He took an Ambien and he just
started tweeting like Roseanne.

Emily: So, I mean, I'm not going to
recommend the comic because I'm not sure

because I haven't actually read all of it.

I've seen bits and pieces
and some of the art style.

It's very beautiful, but some of it
doesn't really, it's very European, so

it doesn't come up to the same kind of
representation standards as we have Here.

At least us three.

But I'm just saying like the
movie, as an adaptation made

some really baffling decisions.

And the subject matter, like there's
some serious things that you can

talk about with something like this
that I think the comic has talked

about better, although it still has
a lot of problematic elements to it.

Ben: And I'm guessing it doesn't have the
so stupid and not at all scientifically

sound pharmaceutical company.

Emily: Yeah.

So we're, when we going into
how this movie deals with mental

illness and physical disability,
I mean, the entire conceit of

this film is incredibly ableist.

Especially the way that this
film depicts this situation.

And also it's like
incredibly anti-medicine.

Ben: It's also like it doesn't
understand medicine, like okay.

Using our sample size of one with
no control group, we gave one

lady, one dosage of medication.

And then she didn't have
a seizure for 16 years.

To human trials it goes.

Emily: Yeah.

On top of the very strange
relationship this film has with

science, the surgeon is a villain.

Ben: I mean, that's how medicine works.

You take one dose of something
for life and then that's it.

Emily: Yeah.

The surgeon is a villain.

The company is a villain.

Ben: Oh my God.

Yes.

Not nothing says sound medical study,
like throwing random people with entirely

different diseases together, all at once.

Emily: Yeah.

And then the Patricia's a psychologist
and she is incredibly inept and

all, and she's like, she basically
does bad psychologist trope.

Let's talk about it, or let's have a,
a discussion about who we are and what

our our jobs are, because we haven't
actually established that enough with

the kids, randomly asking everybody
who they are, what their jobs are.

Ben: At the end, when the one guy's
like, Hey, I think we should stop

having the mental illness patients
together with the like medical illness

patients, because you know, the stabbing.

And the boss is like, you can file a
report, but I don't know about this.

Yeah.

What the fuck is this?

Like, why did you build a real
resort for healthy people on top

of your fake medical trial resort,
where you are apparently recruiting

people from receipts in pharmacies.

Emily: Also kids they could have just been
like, it's no kids allowed on this beach.

Like it's just the day for the adults.

The kids can go over here and the
candy table and we'll have like

kids activity, like there's a...

Ben: Prisca says she
found the hotel online.

Old: Can you believe I found this online?

Ben: And then in a sweepstakes
on the receipt at the pharmacy,

Old: How did you first
hear about this place?

I don't know.

I, I fell upon it, a random
sweepstakes that came with

the receipt at the pharmacy.

I just followed it up online,
started getting emails.

They know our medical condition.

They chose us, they have our passports.

We could just disappear.

Ben: What is the either of
though, what, what is happening?

What is this fucking movie?

You know, the old receipt, the
old pharmacy receipts sweepstakes.

Jeremy: All things an anthropologist
would absolutely fall for.

With presumably a doctorate, but they
only, she only thinks about old things.

So it doesn't really matter.

Yeah, this movie is very bad at
disability, despite the fact that

it's very much about disability
everything that everything is the

age when they become disabled.

When one character loses half of their
hearing, when characters site starts

to go, like these are all projected
as great tragedies in this movie.

You know, and the, they do
blame Rufus Sewell's racism on

his increasing schizophrenia.

And every it's so bad.

Ben: It's like this
movie is kind of racist.

It's kind of sexist.

It's pretty fucking ableist, and it's
like, I'm glad there isn't enough active

queer content for it to be homophobic.

Emily: Right.

It's also very like
aggressively straight film.

Yeah.

Jeremy: We've, we've talked about the
racial and social justice element of this.

I think as much as there is to talk
about it, because I don't want to

talk about it anymore because..

Ben: It's so one other black
character, the most effective on

vacation police officer of all time.

Emily: I mean, he really buys this.

He's like, oh yeah, you
guys were kids yesterday.

Oh yeah.

I'll go right to the station.

We'll talk to CSI and we'll make
sure, get everything tested and

we'll put you on a helicopter.

Ben: The most unrealistic
part of this movie.

Isn't the magic aging beach drug trials.

It's the pharmaceutical company executive
is being held illegally accountable.

Yeah.

Emily: I also want to mention something
about our psychologist who makes a joke

about her seizure being attention seeking.

Now the joke itself is, like ha
ha wouldn't that be ridiculous,

but in the context of the rest
of this film doesn't land.

Ben: Yeah.

I thought I just had with M.

Night being the one who his characters,
watching the MoMA from afar, is this

just him, once again, being like
everything is filmmaking, even in

universe, I am the director watching all.

Emily: I mean, that was where I was
really hoping that some incredibly crazy

go nuts, mea bullshit would happen.

I was praying that he would be like, and
this is a film, like do some fucking holy

mountain shit spoilers for holy mountain.

Like he, he would be like, yes.

This is actually, these people
are actually actors and this is

a film and we have to do this
for an experiment about movies.

Jeremy: I was really hoping that at the
end of this, when the kids miraculously

find the tunnel through the water that
it live, who's never been to this beach,

knows about that they were going to
come out the other end and stumble on M.

Night, travel on and beat him to death.

Ben: I thought it live was going to
before he wound up as the driver,

I thought Isla was going to wind up
on the beach and grow up to be M.

Night Shyamalan.

Emily: Oh God.

I mean, that would be a very, very
interesting progression in terms

of like, how those characters-.

Ben: Just, well, once that character
was just like, I'm the smartest of the

codes and the best and most innocent.

And I saved the day.

I'm like, are you going to
somehow wind up also being M.

Night?

I mean, I didn't see lady in the
water, but I read the Wikipedia page.

I know your fucking tricks.

Emily: He's a zodiac killer.

That's the true, that's the true
twist is, well, I don't know if

the kid is the Zodiac killer or M.

Night is.

Ben: I love this poor little manager's
nephew with the uncle being like, I'll

tell you which kids are safe to play with.

Emily: It's not suss it all uncle
like all the people being driven

out to the nature and being like,
all right, we'll pick you up later.

This is a very special place.

We'll go pick you up and we'll drop
you off and just take your stuff.

And we're not going to go with you.

We're not going to be your guide.

Ben: Oh, yeah.

It's wild that there is still a real
operating all-inclusive resorts that

serves many customers that deli like
what's the profit margin on this place.

Are they, is it all blown?

Is it all like putting in the R and D
budget or is there like a real hotel

management executive who's like,
look, they, I went to a real hotel

management school, like I'm just doing
the fake resort in front and they're

doing all the weird shit behind me.

Like, I don't know what's going on.

I'm still trying to
get them five diamonds.

Jeremy: I just want to know what they
do with, with me, because at the point

that the creepy manager came up to me
and was like, I know about the secluded

beach that we don't tell anybody where
you and your family shouldn't go to.

I'd be like, nah, I um, I paid to come
to the resort, I want to be like at

the resort in the pool and fancy foods.

If I don't want to go to
the creepy secluded beach.

Ben: Did anyone else at the end
when Trent and Maddox come back

and start revealing the truth?

Did it seem like they were on speakers,
but then it turns out now they're

just standing in front of a van.

Emily: I mean, there was a
lot of weird people talking

loud off camera in this film.

Yeah.

So I would, at this point, I was
just like, fuck it, please end.

Ben: They show up and
just start saying things.

And this whole resort just goes into like
lock down red alert, like DEFCON 5 mode.

Instead of just being like,
these people are crazy.

They don't know what
they're talking about.

Security.

Thank you.

Let's go to these two and welcome.

Well, what do you like to
add are one of a kind beach?

Yeah,

Emily: God.

Jeremy: I.

Man.

Ben: That's not a problem.

Like honestly, this is a weird thing
that keeps happening and at nighttime

on movies where he thinks world changing
reveals of information are world changing.

When they're not like the end of
Glass, when it's like we were,

we put out a YouTube video that
proves superheros are real.

Jeremy: Yeah.

If anything, this movie and Glass
come together to prove that M.

Night Shyamalan does not
know how the internet works.

Ben: Bruce Willis pushes the guy far
and it's like super powers are real.

I'm like, nah, this is not going to do it.

Emily: Night he's not that old either.

Like, what is he doing?

What does he, how does he do
shit without the internet?

Like, how does he, like, this
is a, This is a definite first

draft of the script issue.

Ben: Yeah.

Just get locked into
whatever he was doing.

And like Sixth Sense, Unbreakable times.

I was like, I am never
updating from my setup now.

Jeremy: I told Alicia my dream project
is that I want to find a way to get M.

Night Shyamalan and Tyler
Perry on the same movie 'cause

they both have that same.

Like, they've been doing things this
way since they first made it and

they refuse to do anything different.

They refuse to have co-writers or like
co-creators or anything like that.

They just want to make, keep
making their bad bunkers bullshit.

if you were to put the two of them
together, that movie would be so bad.

And so off the rails immediately that
like, well, if it happens to come back

around the other side to being good.

Ben: Tyler Perry, it's like, the
movies are bad, but he knows he has

an audience and he has a formula.

It's like, I feel like Tyler Perry
I'm like, this is a sustainable

business model you got going on.

And I, what the fuck is this
filmography devil the happening

Avatar: The Last Airbender.

What the fuck you doing?

Bula?

Yeah.

God.

Who is going to be in Avatar, The Last
Airbender series on Netflix, where I'm

guessing he is going to be much better,
because again, he is a good actor.

Emily: Yeah.

Ben: I loved him in Lost,
Miles Straume forever.

Jeremy: Yeah, I okay.

Yeah.

So there's nothing really interesting
to talk about with class here.

And like, they hate the rich people
and the rich people are awful, but

they're all stereotypes anyway.

So what does it matter?

And then, like you said, I feel like
this is a weird cleansing moment after

our pride month where like, we couldn't
have chosen a more straight a movie.

Ben: Because we even talk about
how a Guy's occupation is he

does statistical analysis.

So he's just constantly rattling
off statistics during the.

Yeah, because again, that's what
passes as fucking character trait.

Emily: He says statistical analysis
for insurance firms, which is like,

there's a point where he talks about
a statistic about how many people die

from furniture accidents or some shit.

Ben: Yeah.

And like, he's pulled it out like to dad.

Emily: I think that the twist
could have successfully been, this

was a movie written by aliens.

Like we pull out and it is aliens and
they're like, this is how humans act.

Right.

And it is an experiment
on humans by aliens.

Ben: If you told me that this took
place in the same universe as Signs,

I would believe you aliens from Signs.

Jeremy: And if you, if you told me
this took place in the same world

as The Room, I would believe you.

It just has the same quality of writing
and not knowing what people sound like.

Ben: It was COVID, but also like this
beach, like it, it's not an interesting

setting for a film given how little
exploration there is, there is no

travel, how little environmental
challenges that are provided.

Like I remember when Trent and
Maddox starts swimming through the

coral, just like I put in my notes,
like thank God, a second location.

Emily: Yeah.

And it's funny because they mentioned
the coral at the very beginning when

they're like, oh, look at the coral.

They don't show the coral.

If someone is like, look at the coral.

And then at the end of the movie,
when they're like, oh, the coral

and they look over in the corals,
like been there the whole time.

No one's thought to swim to
the coral or like no one has

acknowledged the corals since they
were like, oh, look at that coral.

Ben: Well, Guy is also like,
look how beautiful the coral is.

I'm like, ah, this looks like some
fucking climate change, dead coral.

It's not very nice looking.

Jeremy: Does anybody else
think that maybe Guy was just a

placeholder in the script and M.

Night Shyamalan was just
like, ah, this is a guy.

They just didn't, they just
didn't change his name.

They just never got back around to.

Ben: I mean, I absolutely believe
that because again, I watched

Moonfall where Patrick Wilson's
son character is named Sonny.

Emily: I mean, Mid-Sized Sedan.

I think that's uh, that's all
the information that you need.

Ben: I mean, talk about
movie like this movie.

It's not like, I feel like,
oh, this is like a right wing

movie or a conservative movie.

It just flubs every basic test
of like, how does this movie

treat marginalized communities?

If it addresses it, it flubs it.

Jeremy: I ain't, man.

It's inconceivable.

The amount is messes up.

And we, we just kind of go
into like, is it feminist?

But like, we've talked about the fact that
there's this two adult female characters

and two young aging, female characters,
and the two adult ones are both horrible.

They're both horrible women.

Ben: Yeah, like the movie
does not like them characters.

Emily: Yeah.

Jeremy: And then the, the two that
grow up, like we didn't even address

the fact that Kara starts a movie as
a five-year-old girl gets pregnant, I

guess our first time having sex on this
beach as, having been five, a few hours

beforehand and then loses the baby.

And then tries to climb them out and falls
off and dies and has never shown her debt.

Her body has never seen again.

Ben: I really worry that M.

Night I doesn't realize how unlikable
or how much against the movie hates

Prisca and I worry that he thinks
this is honestly his Blue Valentine.

Jeremy: This movie makes me tired
talking about this movie makes me tired.

Emily: That's a real twist.

Is they-.

Jeremy: Recommend people watch this movie?

Ben: No, don't watch this movie.

Jeremy: No, if you've had the
good sense not to watch it yet.

Don't change that.

Don't watch it.

Emily: Just go on Tik Tok.

It's a lot more fun.

Jeremy: Is that your
recommendation, Emily?

Emily: Yep.

Ben: There's gifs of young people
becoming old that are more effective

than this movie, just watch those gifs.

Emily: Yeah.

My actual recommendation is Annihilation
and that area X trilogy like.

Ben: That's Ooh, Annihilation is good.

Jeremy: Annihilation much better
movie about a beach that makes,

that does horrible things to you.

Emily: The book series.

Ben: Hi.

Oh no, if it's a good movie, but fuck you.

Go see The Beach with-
starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

It also has a beach.

Emily: Just go to the beach
and build a beach, build a sand

castle with somebody you love.

That's the point, I guess, if
you want to people that you love.

Ben: If you want to age faster,
I guess don't wear suntan lotion.

Jeremy: My, my recommendation is go
listen to the song Sandcastles by Beyonce.

It's much better.

Ben: Oh yeah.

Jeremy: Yeah.

There's like literally we could
recommend anything and it would

be better than this movie.

Man.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Everything everywhere else
wants is available on streaming.

Now go buy it and watch it.

Yes.

Ben: What an incredible movie again,
honestly, if you want a better M.

Night Shyamalan films, watch
Sixth Sense are Unbreakable.

They're actually.

If you just want to see like really nice
settings that are not as boring as this

one beach with no foliage, like, I don't
know, go watch Lost with the volume off.

Yeah.

Put it on in the background.

It's all filmed in Hawaii.

It's beautiful.

Especially nowadays when everything
is goddamn Atlanta or vancouver.

Emily: This shit wants to be Lost so hard.

Ben: So fucking hard.

So bad.

It cast Ken Leung from Lost.

Emily: Yeah.

They're like, oh, he
looks good on beaches.

I've seen him on a beach before
let's put him in the movie.

Like, I'm pretty sure that nobody,
well, I'm pretty sure that there was

a casting call cause actors need jobs.

Ben: But yeah, there was because
in the, How Did This Get Made uh,

episode on Old Paul Scheer talks
about how he auditioned for the hotel

manager and he did not get the part.

Emily: The rest of the
pepperoni is my dude.

Ben: I'm not sure this movie would have
been better, but it definitely would have

been more fun with Paul sheer as like
the main villain pharmaceutical head.

Yeah.

It would have been more absurd
and hearts to take seriously,

but it would've been more fun.

Emily: And I have seen good
movies where the dialogue is just

people looking at each other and
going like, oh my, my thoughts.

I like the book and isolation is a
lot of, like, I looked at the thing.

My thoughts have color is
the tower up sound sensation.

The that was good.

I was happy.

I was like, yeah, sound is sensation.

Ben: I feel like that's a
good line in Annihilation.

Cause Annihilation works that into
the story where I'm like, I don't

know how fucking literal this is
or going to get me in isolation.

Emily: Just that whole bit where

Ben: it's such a good movie.

Emily: Yeah.

I would movie I'm.

I'm going to wholeheartedly recommend
the movie and the book, even though

I've had my quibbles with the movie
I've since forgiven the movie and

Ben: then we're good to our
progressively horrified episode on it.

Yeah.

If Old

Jeremy: had a giant bear creature
with a skull head who imitated

people's voices to hunt, I would
like it a hundred percent more.

Ben: Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially if it was
Richard Sewell's voice.

Emily: Yeah.

Yeah.

That whole, I just have to say
there's that line reading where

the Prisca is on the beach and
she's like, what book am I reading?

And then there's like a 10 22nd pause.

And then I don't know.

Jeremy: Yeah.

I feel like the only way to possibly end
this episode at this point is for us to

all get in a helicopter and go look at
the end of this podcast from a distance on

the helicopter for no fucking reason for

Ben: the credits, roll this movie
a little credit for something.

The actors who play teenage and
adult Trent do look very alike.

I'm like, yes, I believe that this
teenager aged into this adult Maddox, I

don't know, but it was good to see Maddox
age back out of her New Zealand accent.

Jeremy: Sometimes, sometimes
you're a teenager and you think

you're picking up a New Zealand.

Accent is cute.

And then you grow out of that.

Ben: Look sometimes your dad's
Mexican and your mom's Luxon bear-ish

and you just end up with somewhere,

Emily: man.

I mean, who knows.

When your hair doesn't grow, but
you age real quick, but hair changes

color and your accent changes.

What can you do?

You have a

Ben: girl?

I hate to say this, bringing this up and
Alicia should probably cut this, actually.

I'm just not even got, say it.

Fuck it.

We don't need that.

We don't need me putting this curse
cursed ass thought into the world.

It's not

Emily: the

Jeremy: curious, what we should say is
you can find Emily @Megamoth on Twitter,

@mega_moth on Instagram and@megamoth.net.

Ben is on twitter @benthekhan and on
their website at benkahncomics.com,

where you can pick up all of their
books, including the brand new Immortals

Fenyx rising graphic novel from
great beginnings and the glaad award

nominated Renegade rule graphic novel.

And finally, for me, you could find me
on Twitter and Instagram @JRome58, and

my website at jeremywhitley.com Where
you can check out everything I write.

And of course the podcast is on
patreon @progressivelyhorrified.

Our website at
progressivehorrified.Transistor.fm,

and @ProgHorrorPod on Twitter.

We would love to hear from you
except, I don't really want to

hear from you guys about old.

I don't want to talk
about this movie anymore.

I don't want to think
about this movie anymore.

This is bad.

I want it to cease to exist.

I want it to go away and be done with it.

It's not something that I will joyfully
revisit in 10 years and be like, man,

I remember, I remember when we watched
this movie before and it was bad and fun.

It's not fun.

Ben: It's like literally.

Jeremy: A five and a six year old
have sex in like a half a doll bodies.

And then they have a baby
and it dies immediately.

And then one of them tries
to climb a cliff and dies.

And then the other.

Somehow swims through a pipe full
of coral that like takes them an

hour, like a half an hour to swim
through and it's still alive.

Emily: And they can't get through
the coral because they're stuck with

their completely removable wrap.

Ben: Yes.

Oh my God.

Emily: God has to save them.

The coral breaking up has to save
them, not them being like, oh right.

I can take clothes off.

Jeremy: Fucking hate this movie.

Ben: I never want to think about
this movie until we do our next

letter box episode, where we put
it right at the fucking bottom.

Jeremy: Congratulations, various
bad resident, evil movies.

You all moved up a spot.

Ben: I would take a resident evil movie
marathon over watching this movie again.

Jeremy: I would watch.

Fucking welcome to raccoon city
three or four times in a row

before I would watch this movie

Ben: again.

And even movies resonate with movies.

I have so much to talk about this movie.

I can't wait to stop talking about Old.

Jeremy: Well, with that in mind.

Thank you both for joining me here.

Thanks to all of you for listening.

We'll see you next week.

When we talk about something that
isn't fucking this movie goodbye until

next time stay horrified, please.

Alicia: Progressively horrified
as created by Jeremy Whitley and

produced by me, Alicia Whitley.

This episode featured Jeremy, Ben
and Emily, all opinions expressed by

the commentators are solely their own
and do not represent the intent or

opinion of the filmmakers nor do they
represent the employers, institutions,

or publishers of the commentators.

Our theme music is epic
darkness by MarioKohl06.

And was provided royalty
free from Pixabay.

If you like this episode, you
can support us on Patrion.

You can also get in touch with us on
twitter @ProgHorrorPod or by email

at progressivelyhorrified@gmail.com.

Thanks for listening!

Bye.